AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

[Orangebananas]

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

You aren't selfish. Longer commutes are brutal. They could contribute if they want you to have a bigger space. They don't even spend much time there.

It’s your money, your choice and your home. Pick one that suits you.

my mum wasn’t too happy with the area we bought our first home in, it wasnt the best area but we loved it fast forward 25 years and we are still in it..

Quite. You shouldn't feel pressured into buying your retirement home 40 or 50 years before you need it.

That’s so true. Back in 2004 when I bought my flat and moved from rental in zone 1 which suited my father just perfectly whenever he came to London ( close to all his favourite tweedy historians’ haunts) to zone 3 he went bananas at me, because it cost a lot more then £22000 he’d last paid for a property in the 80s. As far as he was concerned I just needed to wait for a house price crash ( which never happened). Thank God I didn’t listen to him or I’d still be renting- in zone 6.

If they are that unhappy they can stay in a hotel.
Win win i say

Totally ignore them. It’s your house not theirs and you should not compromise for a 2 week visit from them. They can stay elsewhere if they are not happy with it.

Like you say, if (when) stairs become an issue getting around an airport and on a plane will also be tricky so visits from them might reduce or stop.

When they visit before that happens, you’d possibly get on a better if they stayed in an AirBnB/hotel anyway so it’s a win-win.

You have to do what is right FOR YOU and your future, not theirs. Don’t compromise on mortgage size and location for this. You’re not being selfish.

So your parents want you to live 52 weeks a year in a house they like, in an area that they like, so that during the 6 weeks they they stay with you, they can benefit from it?

On the other hand, you want to buy a house and move to a different area which suits your life better, and you are going to live in this house and this life 52 weeks a year?

On what planet is it reasonable for your parents to insist you live as if you were nothing more than a caretaker for a hotel they like to stay in? They are absolutely taking the piss!

You need to buy a home for the people living in it. That’s you and not your parents. You have to be happy in it. There are other options for visiting but this is your whole life. Your home. Go for it! Then figure out how to support parents after.

UANBU to buy the house you want. They live abroad and you need to live your life.

But be aware that if they are frail, or struggle with stairs, this will impact them and they will want a good moan! It's ok for them to be disappointed. Their 6 weeks a year with you is built into their routine. They probably enjoy it and more to the point, they've come to expect it. They now have to adjust their expectations, if they don't feel comfy in a house with no downstairs loo.

Look into Air bnbs for them, with downstairs looks,where they can stay locally, or you stay with them. It sounds as if they can afford it, and if they have to change their routine to twice a year instead of 3 times a year in order to do so, then that's a compromise they may need to consider.

Any solution you offer them won't be ideal - they've got their ideal now and won't want to change - but there are solutions there.

Buy it!
A downstairs loo is always nice so if you can add one and want to then do.

There would be lifts and assistance for air travel. Steep narrow stairs are a real hazard for less mobile people. It might not be possible for op's parents to stay with her but therr are other solutions.

Do what is best for you. Your parents can stay in a hotel.

You can get a downstairs loo put in if you want.

Good luck.

You are absolutely not unreasonable to buy the house you want. However, if you want your parents or other elderly relatives (and elderly friends eventually) to come stay with you then you do need to think about things like toilets and stairs (it is of course completely fine not to prioritise these things, its first and foremost your home).

Op if you had a husband and kids you would be thinking about what’s best for your family. Did you really opt to stay childfree so your parents would replace children as your priority and dependants? Surely not! Presumably you did it so you can enjoy your life and think about what suits you. So go for it I say! Buy the house you love.

You are being ridiculous!

If you’re confident they’ve got YOUR best interests at heart then maybe give some thought to their opinion, but doesn’t sound like that’s the case! I wouldn’t like no downstairs loo because of visitors going upstairs and seeing the mess 😆 but if it’s a compromise you‘Re prepared to make that’s what matters. If it has a downstairs loo it would probably be pricier.

This. Good luck OP. Sounds ideal.

Lack of a ground floor loo is a risk to you - means you couldn't go home with a broken leg / injured ankle etc. But you can work round that by knowing you'd have to stay in a hotel or with a friend if you had that kind of injury.

It will also be part of the reason the house is a relatively good price.

So it's worth getting your surveyor to check there's no impediment to fitting one in due course.

Narrow stairs can be a considerable problem when moving in with large pieces of furniture - take photos to show your removal company. And also check what the scope is for widening them if you ever want to in the future. Again that's a question for your surveyor.

If you can fit a ground floor loo and there's a room that could work as a bedroom for your parents on that floor the stairs won't impact them at all (unless the kitchen / living area are on another floor).

You totally get it - they can’t fathom how much the market has changed.

Another vote for you to buy what suits you and not your parents. You're going to be living there full-time, not them.

Re downstairs loo, I put one in under the stairs in my previous house, it was amazing to be able to nip in there quickly rather than traipsing up the stairs all the time. And also leg/foot injuries are not age-dependent, so if you have the chance to put in a shower room instead of just a cloakroom, I would. So much easier if you're on crutches or anything like that.

But you know, whatever you want. It's your house-to-be, not anyone else's. You'll be paying the mortgage/bills, it's your call.

You sound a bit bitter babe. If someone like me can afford it and loves it, there’ll be someone like me in the future that can afford it and loves it. Lots of people like character and original features and frankly I didn’t grow up with a downstairs loo so no idea when this became the norm 😂

Buy it. Try and put a downstairs loo in regardless just because it’s useful! You're the only one living in it ultimately, they just visit for two weeks every year so don’t get a say.

Install a downstairs loo (with shower if you have room, it will add value), and if they want to stay, buy a sofa bed for your living room so they can sleep downstairs. If they don't like it they can go to a hotel.

Eh? Who the heck buys a house based on a hypothetical injury scenario? 🤯
If I broke my leg and had to come home to my house with no downstairs loo I imagine I would have to make use of a camping toilet or commode.