AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

[Orangebananas]

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

It has nothing to do with them.

Fellow only child here with parents that lived abroad from when I was 17-39. We have a good relationship but they didn't consult me when they moved abroad and I have never worried about them when finding somewhere to live!
I have never had a spare bedroom for them to stay in, couldn't afford one in the part of the country that I live in. I felt some guilt about the cost of them staying in hotels or airbnbs, but at the end of the day it was their choice to move abroad.

They moved back to the UK 4 years ago and bought somewhere 20 minutes from where I lived, since then I have been through a divorce and subsequently moved to a different area that is a little further away from them (more like an hour or so). I didn't think about them during this process, the area I live in now is best for me and my son. We can't afford a spare bedroom and (clutch your pearls) only have an upstairs bathroom.

OP your parents have gotten very used to the current set up which happens to prioritise them and their needs, but you have to put yourself first. You've even said in an updated post that they can afford to buy a flat of their own to stay in, it isn't as though they have no options. Don't fall out with them over it, but do put yourself first. Don't make sacrifices for 46 weeks of the year just to appease them for 6.

Well done for being able to afford a house that excites you in an area that you want to live in - especially as you are doing it all on your own. Get the surveys done and if the place is sound just go for it!

Clutch your pearls hahahaha!

Thank you for this, this is really good to hear from a fellow only child who gets it. I think a lot of people dont understand how hard this dynamic can be.
You're totally right, they're used to things how they are, but that doesnt work for me any more so I need to sort myself out! Sounds like you have navigated both worlds and have showed your son how to have healthy boundaries, salute you for doing it solo, he's lucky to have you.

Thanks so much - fingers crossed the survey isnt a shitshow...

they seem to think if I just keep waiting then by some miracle there will be a house that works for all of us

Even if that were true, you don't need a house that 'works for all of you' because YOUR house doesn't need to work for anyone but you.

Your parents sound extremely selfish and overbearing. My mum would never in a million years expect to have a say in my choice of house!

Awww, that sounds tough. It can take a bit of work and brain rewiring, or unprogramming unhelpful or false beliefs, then being faced with disapproval, but there's liberation at the other side. And like someone else put brilliantly, they chose to live abroad, you can choose your own house. You've fled the nest after all. Please put yourself first. If they want a house where you live they can find one. It's not your problem. Best of luck with learning to do what is right for you. I have a response now for when people disapprove of my choices, expecting me to adjust because they're used to it. I no longer budge and say things like "and I trust your ability to get through it" or some variation of that. "That's none of my business" is another one. You can even just announce that you're putting your own needs first from now on. When people have your interests at heart, they do accept that.

So true. Couldn't agree more re world going down the pan. Esp since jobs are in short supply and rapidly falling, can't think of anything worse than getting a large mortgage at this time. Your parents ABU.

Do what suits you best. If they really want to visit, then they can find somewhere close by and if there is nowhere suitable then you can visit them in their home.
Don’t fall into the trap of feeling responsible/guilty/sorry for them.
It sounds as though they’ve been happy to do what suits them for quite a while but now when that applies to you, they don’t like it.
Remember too that if you DO buy somewhere to suit them, then you might find that they could easily suggest moving in at a later date and you would be awkwardly placed,

My mum used to come and stay at a hotel in the village as i live at the top of a "bloody great hill" (her words 🙂) and she´s disabled, so don´t sweat it. Buy the house you want and I am sure there will be Premier Inn and such other options nearby.

Why are you asking your parents? If you'd bought it and then showed them they couldn't complain!