AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

[Orangebananas]

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

Don't put yourself out with a massive mortgage especially considering the AIpocalypse. Sounds like you are being sensible.

They sound very selfish. Buy it it's you that's got to live in it 52 weeks a year. If they do like it suggest they stay I a nearby hotel when they visit.

You are an adult so buy the house you love. They are being unkind and selfish .

It’s ok for them to live in another country but you need to base your home choice over what’s convenient for them??

Yes perhaps but I’m in my 30s. I don’t doubt that at that point I would move if I couldn’t manage it so I’m not making decisions based on accessibility in old age right now.

Yes this is my worry! I want something I can afford to keep up solo while the world is going down the pan!

It's your home and your life. Your parents could always stay in a hotel if they don't like/can't manage your home

It will be your home. They are just visitors. Go for it!

Buy the house you love nothing to do with anyone else. Not your parents decision

If you had the choice of two similar houses in your budget and one had a downstairs loo and one didn't, then your parents comments would be fair enough. But if the choosing somewhere with a downstairs loo means choosing a different area (presumably where the houses are newer) taking on a bigger mortgage, and a longer commute/further from friends, then it would be a really unequal and unrealistic compromise.

Why are you even asking your parents what they think?
You are not a child

I love my rickety old house, steep stairs no downstairs loo. In fact you have to go through my bedroom to get to the bathroom.

I will stay in it until I physically cant. There maybe an option to add a downstairs loo at some point, but the lady before me stayed in until her 90s. Fingers crossed that i will be similar.

My elderly parents manage just fine when they stay. They wouldn't choose to live in it but fine for a short break

Buy the house OP and I hope you love it as much as I love mine.

The house is for you not your parents- I would bet they will still come and stay with you- if not what have you lost?

As a mother to two adult children I completely agree with crisps. I think your parents are being selfish.

Unless they have given you money towards itl. Or have some other financial interest in it.

Just go ahead and ignore them.

Hope you will be happy in your new home.

Bloody hell. They may be your parents but they don't have the right to impose upon you their specifications for a house! You will be the one living in it all the time,not them! Surely they could stay in a Travelodge or Premier Inn if they come to stay with you? Your situation brought to mind something a friend of mine told me a few years ago when she was in the process of finding a new flat. Apparently her sister said to her 'Make sure you get somewhere that's got free parking for when I come to visit you'. Where she currently was you had to pay for the parking. My friend said 'FFS,does she think that's the only thing I'm going to consider when viewing places? That she doesn't have to pay for parking?'.

Bella Fleace gave a party.

Hard relate - this is exactly the attitude haha! Alas I’ve made my decision so will navigate the inevitable fall out!

They are totally unreasonable of course, but as an alternative perspective - could they be thinking about how unsuitable this would be for you, in your old age?

As a single woman on her own - maybe they're thinking of you well WELLLL into the future, still at the house in your 80s. In their scenario - they're dead, theres no partner or kids around to help you if you fall or need a downstairs loo?

They're still unreasonable - im just trying to think of how they could have been so negative without a selfish element?

They can stay in a hotel

I think you need to consider that the strength of their opinions are because they have made plans to move in with you (to be looked after) in their dotage? You’re the one with no kids, etc…. Now is the time to express very clear boundaries. You’re buying the house for you to live in, not for them.

They come and stay with you for 6 weeks of the year, please buy the house you love. You will be living in it, not them. Don't let them moaning about stairs and no downstairs toilet put you off your dream house!

Hey it’s you who will be buying the house & living there so do what’s right for you! Your folks can stay in a hotel or air BNB if needs be & if they get cranky about it well that’s on them too! Damn folks being so entitled expecting their adult kids to adhere to their demands! Buy the home you love & enjoy your life there, they made their choice to live where they do so do what’s right for you & be happy, only one life we get. Good luck 🏠

Do what's right for you. Your parents aren't always going to be around so you need to do what feels right for yourself. Buy the house if it's what you want. If they don't want to come & stay that's on them. They can come to visit & stay in a B N B or hotel if they can't manage the stairs in your new home.

Can't believe people had a go at you about saying you hate each other after two weeks. TWO WEEKS IS MAD! I can do about 2 days with my most loved loved-ones! You know the saying 'visitors and fish both go off after 3 days'.

ANYWAY... you sound lovely, and you have a skewed amount of guilt and responsibility towards your parents, who - from the sounds of things - fucked off abroad despite having only one child!!! So where was their responsibility towards you?!? Buy the house - it sounds really lovely. They lived their lives and now you get to live yours.