Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

Man has affair, man gaslights woman, woman falls apart and thinks she is losing her mind, man leaves, woman has to pick up the pieces for the broken lives of her and her kids.

Every SINGLE tale is the same, its not uncanny at all. Its just that the world is filled with selfish sexually incontinent emotionally immature men.

Methinks he doth protest too much comes to mind.

Who the hell gets suspended for sexual misconduct at work and is cheerful about it if they are innocent.

You'd be mortified, scared and worried about losing your livelihood, not planning a bbq and enjoying the break.

It's such a giveaway.

I agree with the sentiment but this is exactly what happened to me and I am a man. So I guess the story is the same but not necessarily the gender. Still shit whichever way you look at it.

@Welshie2 how are you coping? Really hope you're okay 💐

Thank you, I have tried to take my mind off things and enjoy the weekend so haven’t been on here. I have spent time with friends and also saw some family with DC earlier, so have had a nice time. My husband has been drinking a lot, he’s saying he’s treating it as his first holiday of the year and that it’s paid for by his work. He mentioned having a friend round earlier when I was out and that they’ve masterminded the approach, and he said his friend can’t believe his treatment and that he’d potentially be able to sue them over this.

Your husband's behaviour is really quite shocking, to be honest. He seems to have lost all touch with reality! Are you still going to ask for a divorce? Just know that we are all thinking of you and rooting for you. You deserve so much better! 💐🫂

I am, I just want to know the timeframe for his work issues to play out. I know it probably sounds stupid but I need him to keep his job.

Not stupid at all; you're thinking critically now and that's important. Get your ducks in a row, as they say. Do you now believe he has had a physical affair with the 'office bimbo'?

It doesn't sound stupid at all but I suspect the best you can hope for is that they pay him off. I do hope things work out well for you.

Sadly I think I’d be silly not to believe something has happened given the evidence.

Our family member as head of dept went through a formal investigation last year. It wasn’t a sexual one but a perceived breach of international rules. The company employed an outside business to investigate, in turn they had their own redundancies to work through but overall it took well over 6 months.

in their case the original allegation was found not to have occurred but there was confusion between local policy and international. I would imagine a complaint of a sexual nature would be investigated more promptly.

That company recently ‘assisted’ with a redundancy and the person involved reached a settlement beyond what the company was offering. That also wasn’t sexual in nature either but someone who was useless. That happened pretty quick after all retraining options had been explored.

He seems to think they turn around hearings quickly, according to the union rep as they don’t like keeping people on paid leave. So hopefully will find out soon enough.

Yes, because they dismiss them.

Welshie2 are you meeting with the union rep with the Hubby or just hearing it all second hand ?

No I’m not meeting the rep, as it’s his mess to sort out and even if I wanted to, I doubt it would be allowed.

I personally would encourage him to hand his notice. He will not be sacked which would massive difference when applying for jobs. He should give notice now! Misconduct hearing would happen anyway but at least he won't be sacked

I suspect you are being told just what DH wants you to hear…

Probably , but I did see the email which contained the two things he’s being investigated for.

If I were your husband I would be asking the Union rep to see if he could find out the likely outcome, and, if they're going to fire him, let him get his resignation in first. So much better for finding a new job ...

But I don't think he'll do that, because in his head he's done nothing wrong.

Reference will say he resigned whilst under investigation.

At the very least get some legal advice.

Not necessarily. If he offers to resign to save them the trouble of sacking him he can negotiate a decent reference.

This actually. If he could negotiate a neutral reference. But he won’t do this as he thinks his behaviour is fine still.
once again I’m so sorry OP. The stress of this on top of his treatment of you
must be nigh on unbearable. Sending you lots of love.

I’m actually surprised the union delegate isn’t more pro active and demanding to see what the company has on the Hubby. Surely they have to have provided hard evidence such as the camera footage to have stood him down..?