Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

I don’t blame you. He really isn’t taking this seriously is he? Paid to enjoy the heat wave, for heavens sake.
I hope you get some space for yourself this weekend to think things through. And that the penny begins to drop for old soppy bollocks there….

He's been suspended.

For sexual harassment and /or sexual misconduct in the workplace.

He should be looking for another job.

Even if it's just in case.

He doesn’t seem to have any concept as to how grim things are for him. Does he know if the other party has been stood down too?

He's been suspended from work whilst they gather a case against him, and is in good form?

A case of sexual impropriety?

He's clearly delusional and thick as mud.

That has made my blood boil. He’s relaxing in the garden. Enjoying himself.

He is psychopathic.

A barbecue?! Of all the things to suggest!

Is anyone else reading the other thread about the poor woman ‘blindsided’ by her husband, who is giving her the script about wanting a divorce and going house hunting while she’s holding it together for their 4 kids?

Well, HE wants to have a ‘family BBQ’ this weekend too…! He’s invited his folks, bought the meat etc. What is it with these princes? Maybe they should have a big BBQ together!

His whole concept of reality, overwhelming positivity and self delusion gave me massive ex prince Andrew vibes when I read this the other day

Hear me out. Is his behaviour wildly out of kilter with what you know about him.

Is this some sort of mental health crisis - does he need to see a GP. Any chance he’s taking drugs?

It was the buying of the sex toys that made me first think- that was such a strange choice given the circumstances. Coupled with the risk taking at work and now he doesn’t seem to understand what’s happening. His world is crumbling and he’s celebrating

If he gets away with this its because the woman & he have made a pact. & have decided to deny everything. Could that be why he's so blasé? either that
or he should go into acting.
He really doesnt have an ounce of remorse.

I would also think about this @Welshie2. is this very out of character. Could he be unwell, has his behaviour changed suddenly. Is he sleeping less, full of energy and impulsive.
or is he just been like this all along.

It would be unusual, ime, for someone to be sent on gardening leave and ever return to work for the company. If the accusations are strong enough to demand immediate removal from the workplace they rarely result in exoneration and return. If they have left him on full pay, then it's to hedge their bets. But given his performance to date i would ask to see proof that he is still being paid and not just planning to take the summer off.

Absolutely standard to leave the person on full pay until the investigation and any subsequent hearing are resolved. Can you imagine the shit show if an investigation showed that the staff member was completely innocent and that the investigation had been requested because someone told untruths in the first place?

Sadly it's not uncommon for people to lie and/or exaggerate stuff to try to get shot of a rival. I was once hauled up by my boss for an allegation by someone that turned out to be a single statement taken completely out of context with no knowledge of the background, which had been phrased in such a way to imply total incompetence whereas it was actually the opposite.

In this case especially considering the background, the texts the OP has seen, and her "D" Hs complete lack of awareness that he may have been doing wrong, make me think he's guilty 100%.

There’s denial and then there’s this! He’s got very good at lying to himself, hasn’t he?
Maybe for his birthday this year he can have another bucket of sand to stick his head in.
It must be very frustrating for him to live in a world where the rest of us are always wrong and he’s the only one who’s ever right.

My ex was a bit like this: whenever his lies threatened to be exposed, he used to start being mega cheerful and singing a little song to himself under his breath. So weird.

His behaviour is very odd. Almost trying too hard to make a point he is innocent.

An innocent person would be really stressed having been wrongly accused. Not organising BBQs and bragging about paid time in the sun!

What are the odds that the two people involved are him and the woman he was sending inappropriate messages to?

I think it’s a weirdly common response (not the BBQ specifically, but the whole jovial ‘this is all normal’ thing).

While they’ve put these women in one of the lowest points of their lives, they’re secretly relieved because they’re no longer living a lie and are finally getting an ‘out’. Plus they get to pretend to wider family/friends that this is all totally acceptable and they’re of course still a good guy. Added bonus that they can try make their partners feel like the ‘bad’ guys for not wanting to do something nice for everyone or that they’re creating bad feeling over something that’s so apparently normal.

My ex husband did exactly the same when he left.

I’m wondering if he’s already been sacked. Could be pretending to go into work.
He appears to be in a world of his own.
I think now I would be trying to investigate. Any friends or acquaintances you could message?
You really can’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Sending you continued good wishes.

Agreed.
Just more controlling, manipulative behaviour.

Were you married to David Cameron????

@sugarapplelane, this is far from a unique situation. It's a bit off to post "if this is true" replies to a thread, especially when your only rationale is that a similar thing has happened to another woman before.

Ha ha no! I hadn't realised it was a Thing though - the manic cheerfulness and singing when you know that your lies and cheating is about to be exposed.

There seems to be a lot of us whose ex partners behaved in the same way. This is what Mumsnet is so good at: bringing experiences together so that we can see patterns.

Maybe, but there are so many similarities. It’s uncanny