She watches my IG story daily AIBU to msg her

[neveraskingtime]

A friend of my late DP views my story everyday without fail. I haven't spoken to her since before the funeral after everyone in DP's orbit was strictly instructed not to associate with me. Those who did speak to me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

I spoke to her a days before his death to arrange for her to visit him as I thought she might be able to help get DPs life back. His closest friends were actively addicted, so I wanted her (and his old group of mates) to replace them and help him recover.

It's been nearly 3 years now and she doesn't follow me but does check my story daily and has done daily for about 2 years.

I suppose it's possible that she's passing on information to the his circles but I honestly can't imagine they would be interested in what I'm doing after so much time.

I have not been able to retain a single link with anyone from DPs life because I think the general consensus is that I (indirectly) caused or contributed to his death, and that view was expressed but thankfully shut down immediately by the coroner at the inquest with no further inquiry or exploration along that line.
So....do I reach out?

In the nicest way - you're (quite rightly) questioning the wisdom of these people being interested in your life 3 years on after the death of your fella.
Can you not apply this logic to yourself? Why are you bothered about what not very nice people think of you, 3 years on?

Please, do yourself a fav, walk away, make your account private for your mental health and online safety and live your life.

wasn't replying to you. I think the insane stuff they message me is entertaining and enjoy the chaos. What's more fun than being a villain?

Unpopular opinion but I think you're allowed to do whatever you want. If it would bring you some closure or peace of mind to message, do it.

People can be very black and white on MN but it's not that big of a deal if you really want to out of nosiness. It's not like you have a reputation to uphold with the people she knows, either.

I would definitely message her for the plot and just block if she's unpleasant.

It was her husband's family who blackballed her from anyone who knew him.

To be honest it sounds like a toxic group of friends and family and I'm assuming drugs was involved here. In that case your better of staying clear of them and living your life.

Condolences for the loss of your DP, but your energy is better spent moving on here rather than getting sucked into the potential drama with people casting themselves in and out. Protect your sanity, block her and move on.
.

So are you saying if you met another guy now, all looks good and a few months in you discover he has hidden his drug addiction you will continue the relationship and repeat the process all over again?

WTW?

You think your friend is setting traps, but that has nothing to do with @neveraskingtime's posts. What is she supposed to do, never post a recipe again ?

Why are people so small-minded and hateful to anyone whose story they don't understand? What do you get out of speculation of her motives? Don't spread nastiness as if you KNOW why she posts every day. Lots of people post daily with no ulterior motives. In fact, why are are you so sure your friend does this? Maybe you've misjudged her as well.

Have a biscuit with your judgy tea.

OP, I’ve read all of your updates and getting back to your original question of should you reach out to her….

do you want to reach out to her?
if you did, what would you say?
‘hi Jane, it’s been a long time, how are you keeping?’ …
Are you interested in having a conversation or are ye just starting a conversation to get to the point of ‘why are you looking at my stories everyday?’

Personally to me, I think she’s just being nosey.
I’d block her from viewing your stories and try to forget about her.
You experienced something traumatic 3 years ago with your DP passing away. I think by seeing his friend’s face on your stories every day, keeps the wound open & isn’t letting you heal.

What a bizarre analogy.

Honestly the way you have dealt with this is pretty out there but in saying that I would have struggled to say with a man that does drugs. You seem to be very attention seeking and quiet proud of it. I think you could solve a lot of problems by simply not having your profile public but I think you enjoy the attention though.

I also would not reach out. I think she’s just being nosy and even if she isn’t she was his friend not yours so her loyalty will lie with his family. And they will likely never change their minds.

Just continue to have a nice life and cherish the good memories

Your responses come across as very immature and desperate for attention OP but then I wouldn't expect anything less from a grown adult who posts daily on instagram and doesn't seem to realise that there's a block button.

I would imagine insta drama is the least of your problems. Unless you use social media to connect with friends directly, step away.

Change your settings to private.

This makes no sense atall. Just set your profile to private and get over it. Problem literally solved.

I can’t understand what you think you will get out of being in contact with this person- if they wanted to actually speak to you or see you in person I think they would contact you
Is this person one of the old friend circle who were in active addiction?

Not nasty, all this drama could easily be brought to a close if the OP came off social media or at least made her account private.

OP your update is appalling. You actively tried to have a baby with a very troubled drug addict you’d known for weeks?
It does sound like you enjoy a bit of drama yourself. This was not a positive episode in your life and you should not be looking to stir things up. Focus on something else. Forget them.

Boom.

No, she's just being nosy. If she has the same opinion as the family then she's spying and checking for gossip on you living your life and judging you, hence the holiday photo and the flurry of views after she's told the friendship group "hey, check this out, neveraskingtime couldn't give a shit about deceased partner, she's living it up on a tropical holiday", not realising that if tables were turned, she would be getting on with life in the same situation. She obviously doesn't realise that you can see her being nosy. Don't read into it that she's trying to connect. She's being a snake. Block her access to your life.

I’m struggling to understand why you’ve posted. You say it’s weird for her to view your stories, you don’t want to block her but you don’t want her to see your stuff but then you’re not bothered? Why even post then? What is it you do want?

I love the lack of self-awareness in some MN posters' comments - as if they're better than you for not using IG every day when they themselves are probably posting on here everyday, doing things like calling socially ostracised grieving women "pathetic". MN is also social media, guys.

Anyway, as a PP said, you've absolutely been scapegoated by the family. I can only imagine the sense of failure having raised an addict would instil in a parent. The feeling that you had done something wrong that doomed your child would be so overwhelming, and the need to blame someone else for it would be hard to resist. That doesn't excuse their behaviour but it does maybe explain it.

Unfortunately you have become the fall guy, and I'm sure many of your DPs social circle on some level know this. But what would it bring you to contact this woman? Would it really comfort you if she was friendly? Would it devastate you if she was a spy? Maybe you need to just cut all of these people out of your life and move on for good. Have you coped well with the grief process? How are you more generally?

In Facebook, not in Instagram. Instagram is open to all or just friends but you cannot select who sees what.

To be honest OP if you really find it is too much, just block, no drama unless… are you enjoying the attention? She may be looking at your feed, she may not be looking but someone she interact with is in you friend list or she may not have many friends in Instagram which means your stories show often automatically in her feeds.

This is one of those non problems that is easily solvable. Yet you choose not to.