She watches my IG story daily AIBU to msg her

[neveraskingtime]

A friend of my late DP views my story everyday without fail. I haven't spoken to her since before the funeral after everyone in DP's orbit was strictly instructed not to associate with me. Those who did speak to me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

I spoke to her a days before his death to arrange for her to visit him as I thought she might be able to help get DPs life back. His closest friends were actively addicted, so I wanted her (and his old group of mates) to replace them and help him recover.

It's been nearly 3 years now and she doesn't follow me but does check my story daily and has done daily for about 2 years.

I suppose it's possible that she's passing on information to the his circles but I honestly can't imagine they would be interested in what I'm doing after so much time.

I have not been able to retain a single link with anyone from DPs life because I think the general consensus is that I (indirectly) caused or contributed to his death, and that view was expressed but thankfully shut down immediately by the coroner at the inquest with no further inquiry or exploration along that line.
So....do I reach out?

He was an addict when you met, but he hid it from you until you'd moved in with him, so the whole relationship was built on a lie.

You didn't say you'd married him either.

That sounds like it was a very hard and unpleasant time of your life. Honestly, I think you should block her and think no more about her or anyone else from then.

Really easy to say something like this when you haven't been in this situation. His family had had enough of him living with them and they kept passing him to and from family members. Eventually he would have ended up homeless and that wasn't something I would have ever been okay with.

I see why you think she might want a connection but is hesitant, and I see why you would like a connection to someone who was part of his "good" past. I think it could be risky to reach out, though. If you would be okay with rejection, or even an offensive response, you don't have a lot to lose. But if you're still fragile about the whole the thing, I would just leave it.

But you were not married to him, making a comparison to a wife eating cake and putting on weight is wild. How long were you together

It's not a wild comparison at all, food addiction is still an addiction and it's pretty annoying for someone to blame me for the situation by telling me I should have broken up with him-- as if he didn't attempt suicide or self harm to the point of needing surgical stitches every time I tried to bloody end it!

Did they think you introduced him to the drugs?
If he was hiding it so well to begin with and your relationship coincided with him becoming more visibly addicted.

Either way, let sleeping dogs lie. Don't stir up anything else because no-one will thank you for it. If she really wants to talk to you, she will reach out.

YABU to message her
YABU to not block her

3 years on... do you like the drama? If not, cut the flying monkeys off.

Comparing a man staying with his wife when she ate cake and got fat with you staying with an addict is totally unreasonable. A few stone weight nowhere near the behaviours of a drug addict and what they will do to get their fix.

edited to add- look how manipulative he behaved when yountried to end it by self harmimg

No, according to him (and his personal diaries), his dad used to deal in the 80s and 90s and I think they all still 'party' so to speak. His friends' fathers also used to held drug parties during our relationship but I wasn't invited.

I don't think his family were actual full-blown addicts and they used in moderation as they were able to hold down long-term careers.

I’d block her, tighten your social media security & leave them all behind you. It’s like a nosey neighbour poking their head through your net curtains.

I just wanted to say that you sound like a really kind person OP. ,💐

And I think you should ignore the narrow-minded posters who feel like they should judge you for how often you post on social media. Their comments makes them look bad - cringe. 😆

And they blamed you!???

She might not even be nosey. I future posting every day, the algorithm will pick it up if she’s looked at it before. So if she looks through her stories each day, she’ll see yours. No idea why you’re making it a big deal.

Yep, still do.

I was manipulating him too by threatening that I would leave if he didn't stop.

I think this too. I just look at whatever comes up, I don’t actually search for anything. I also didn’t know that you can see who is looking. I’d say she’s just scrolling…

I don’t think it means anything. You’ve presumably accepted her follow request or your profile is an open one. You post stories for people to view. She is viewing them. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than you’re both bored? I often click through stories when I’m bored - I don’t often see/talk to the people whose stories I click on- I’m just bored and scrolling

If you click on your own story and scroll down it shows you who has viewed it

Everyday for 2 years is intentional though as we don't follow each other. Not even sure how she found my profile as I never gave it to her

Yes, why not get in touch with her? You both cared for him and I am sure you both have a lot of unresolved trauma from his sudden death.

Ah ok so she doesn’t follow you so has clearly searched for your profile every day.

nosey then?

maybe just make your profile private. If she wants to connect, she can follow request then. It’s prob better to have a private profile anyway- lots of weirdos about

This is what I was going to say OP.

I guess you just have to prep yourself for whatever worst outcome you can think of, and if you don't feel strong enough to face that, then either ignore or block/change settings. Either way it seems you need a bit of closure.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I specifically post so that there is nothing a weirdo could do anything with

OP- please answer the question. Why don't you block her if it bothers you so much? Genuine (and reasonable ) question.