She watches my IG story daily AIBU to msg her

[neveraskingtime]

A friend of my late DP views my story everyday without fail. I haven't spoken to her since before the funeral after everyone in DP's orbit was strictly instructed not to associate with me. Those who did speak to me at the funeral were unfriended by the family.

I spoke to her a days before his death to arrange for her to visit him as I thought she might be able to help get DPs life back. His closest friends were actively addicted, so I wanted her (and his old group of mates) to replace them and help him recover.

It's been nearly 3 years now and she doesn't follow me but does check my story daily and has done daily for about 2 years.

I suppose it's possible that she's passing on information to the his circles but I honestly can't imagine they would be interested in what I'm doing after so much time.

I have not been able to retain a single link with anyone from DPs life because I think the general consensus is that I (indirectly) caused or contributed to his death, and that view was expressed but thankfully shut down immediately by the coroner at the inquest with no further inquiry or exploration along that line.
So....do I reach out?

Why don't you just block her so she can't see it? I don't understand.

I would guess the best case scenario is that she's nosey/curious and likes seeing what you're up to. Worst case she's keeping an eye and gossiping/reporting back. Either way I bet she doesn't realise you can see who views your stories. If she wanted to reach out she could message you on IG presumably? Would you be hoping for contact with this lady if you messaged her? I'd be worried it would leave you feeling rejected (or worse) if you got the wrong response.

Do you want to contact her? Is it that she was one of his "good" friends and yiubthink contact withvher woukd be helpful/comforting to you, or are you wanting to challenge her a out looking at your story.

If you don't want people to look don't post or make it private. If you think she's trying to reach out, and you'd like that, contact her.

Why does his family hold you responsible? I doesn't sound like you're an addict too, so why do they think you had a hand in his death? Why don't they want his addict friends contacting you? I'm a bit confused.

As others have said, I think you should block her. It’s weird she’s spying on you daily but hasn’t reached out imo. If you really enjoy drama just send a message to ask whether she’s enjoying the pics of organic food and shitty memes.

She was one of his sober friends who I believed would be a better influence on him and I sought her out specifically to try and rekindle their friendship, to which she was very receptive to and positive about. She is also linked to his addict friends but not necessarily in the same real-life social circles.

Were you also an addict?

I suspect she just looks at anything that comes up at the top of her screen. I tend to look at most of it. It doesn't mean I'm following that person particularly or that I'm even interested in them. Sometimes I click on by accident because Im watching something else or it automatically starts when another finishes. I think the fact that you're checking who is looking at them is a bit odd and you'll come across as strange if you contact her because you are monitoring who is looking at your stories.

I don't mind that she's viewing. The only person I did have to block was some weirdo called Daisy who hadn't seen him in a decade messaging me telling me she was the true love of his life and that she should have 'saved' me from his abusive relationship.

Nope. Been teetotal my whole life. I took him to NA meetings, flushed his drugs, made ultimatums, performed drug searches. I have never even drank booze before. I had a very strict zero tolerance policy on drugs in my house. I told him he couldn't live with my anymore if he kept taking drugs but he just kept on doing it after promising to stop.

How did you meet him? Was he an addict when you met?

That's very odd. I'd definitely block her as it does seem potentially malicious for her to be passing on stuff about your life to people who appear to hate you. How else would they have known? It's creepy. Every day for 2 years! Don't waste any more head space on them.

We were introduced by a mutual friend. He hid it really well for the first few months as he was living with his Mum at the time and for the first few months he seemed to be sober when he was with me. I raised concerns early on and he and his addict friends categorically denied that he was addicted to drugs but then towards the end of his life, one did break down in tears just days before his death and admit that he feared for DPs life.

We moved in together and it became very apparent that he was addicted to booze and drugs.

He had been passed around like pass the parcel from Dad to Mum to Me because we all found it difficult to cope with his addiction.

So odd that his family blame you given the situation you describe!

Even odder that they still blame me 3 years on. They appeared to be in support of the GP and constabulary who did not section him at my request/warnings about his state. I blamed the authorities myself for a while but later realised it was gonna happen regardless.

Voted YABU for being a grown adult who posts a ‘daily story’.

cringeeeee

💅

It doesn’t mean anything.

She’s just curious and nosey. It’s human nature.

If she wanted to reach out, she would. She’s a grown adult.

I’m sorry for your loss.

*saved him from me sorry

You've been scapegoated. So often people look for somebody to blame when a tragedy like this happens, they can't acknowledge their own role.

I am sorry you are going though this.

Personally I would not contact your 'voyeur', leave it up to her. She is interested in seeing how you are getting on, try not to read any more into it.

I hope you are OK, it must have been terribly traumatic for you.

Why didn't you just get rid of him when you realised he was an addict? I would imagine most people who don't even drink would not want a relationship with an alcoholic, never mind a drug addict.

Maybe stop putting so much online that ‘anyone’ can view

It really was and I do wish that people in his circles had been a bit more transparent about how bad his addiction was before it was too late. I honestly believed he was just a casual user of drugs right up until the last month of his life because that was what he and his mates had told me.

That's a bit cold. What would you say to a man if he admitted that he left his wife after she became addicted to cake and got really fat?

In sickness and in health, dude.

Indeed. Pathetic, isn’t it.

Err it's just memes and shitposting. I don't divulge any meaningful information about my life.