to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

Anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? 🤔 💉

I think those who aren't affected by the whole meno weight gain will swear blind that whatever they are doing is the right thing, when it might just be luck and genetics that mean they aren't gaining weight.

I have, occasionally, to appear in the public eye, and the camera adds so many pounds that I don't want to start off at a disadvantage. Plus my joints don't need any extra strain. So I can't just 'give in, eat what I like and put up with the weight gain' as some advocate. I wish I could!

@AmethystDeceiverso glad it’s not just me. I now look on Vinted when my favourite shorts etc start looking too tight and just find the exact item a size up. Problem solved!

You have to choose your happiness.
Choose yummy food every day but overweight
Or restrict and deny yourself but healthy weight.

I lost 9 stone 7 years ago and every day I am fighting temptation, but it’s worth it for the confidence, great sex, clothes, being happy etc. but it’s hard and there is no leeway. I’ll have a meal out once a month. But yeah you have too choose which side you want, because you can’t have both.

I really really wish we could! I love food 😢

Meno hasn’t changed anything, I’ve never got away with eating too much.

Like many women, I've been doing that my whole life! I'm very slim and being very slim is important to me. So it takes up headspace but it's becomes ingrained over time so will feel more normal.

Agree re the people who are lucky with this. Woukd be interested to see how it correlates with HRT ( I take it as well as an SSRI so double whammy). For me it’s mainly because due to needing a shitload of fertility treatment I didn’t manage to reproduce til I was almost 40 so now want to stay healthy as long as possible (I’m 51.5)

I definitely was affected, the combination of post baby/perimenopause in my early 40s caused weight gain. I also was pretty unhealthy/unwell and started to try and get well. I'm much more active now, eat lowish/moderate carbs and can fit in my old clothes. So, I don't think it's genetic. I agree with the pp who said a healthy lifestyle is about consistent habits.

YANBU.

I'm not menopausal (although getting close to the age I soon will be) but my thyroid function is very very low. One point into the normal range.

Even at 1500 calories a day I'm not losing weight. I have to be SO careful, and yet somehow I'm still hovering round 75-76kg? That's over a stone over my top end BMI - and yes yes, I know, it's not a great measurement, but it's a useful gauge when you're not a body builder or rugby player.

Taking WLIs for a year and then maintaining this weight has really showed me that my body genuinely is different - yes, it's my fault I gained a lot of weight as it was clearly overeating, but I also just don't get the same fullness feeling.

@Murfmeister have you tried a strict FODMAP diet? It really helped my bloating and IBS
Its very strict to start with I was so relieved when I re introduced onions and garlic will no ill effects
I’m also GF and avoid dairy - but once I got into the swing of it - really helped lose weight as I just tell myself I can’t eat it as it will make me feel awful
It’s not for the faint hearted though as I spend all my life reading labels - some of the things you can/can’t eat seem quite random like fresh raspberries are ok in small amounts but blackberries aren’t!
When I first did it I hadn’t read up on it properly and made mistakes like tomatoes are ok so can make tomato based sauces then I found out my daily limit is 6 cherry tomatoes a day so not much sauce

I know she’s not on them because she already asked her GP and they said she couldn’t have them, but could have a gastric bypass which she’s turned down. She’s very honest so I know she’s not on them. Even if she could have them, she’d tell me and I’d be happy for her. No judgement from me about the weight loss injections, if they help people then it’s a good thing.

Yes! I have always been slim but since turning 44 I’m just a blob. I look at food and gain weight. Literally. It’s tremendously frustrating and I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. I know others are much worse off so I won’t complain too loudly but it’s really knocked me for six. (Also had my DC late, second at 40, so perhaps that makes it harder to shift the baby weight? It came right off after my first!)

I should exercise more but it’s so defeating, literally one dinner out in a month and I can’t fit into my trousers.

47 and started peri at 38, early menopause is in the family, I’d always been slim and fit but wasn’t getting the results I should have been from diet and exercise , I started HRT at 42 after my last baby I think she was my last egg left 😂 it helped a little with weight but not enough . Intermittent fasting 16/8 and testosterone were a game changer I finally got the results without working out any harder . Don’t get me wrong I still workout but finally weight is under control , cognitive function much improved also. I still have wine and deserts , I eat everything I like but only eat twice a day at 10am and 6pm . I’m only 5ft so every ounce shows . I’m maintaining at a size 8 which is fine for my frame.

I had a bmi of 21-22 all my adult life until about 47/48 when I piled on a stone in a year that I just cannot shift. My whole metabolism seems to have changed. Hunger feels different to how it used to feel and is much less tolerable - it makes me feel quite unwell. So I snack more. I can understand why women used to refer to “The Change”. I actually think it is more accurate as a term than “menopause” which puts the whole emphasis on periods stopping whereas for me it is a huge change to how my body and brain works. I feel like I don’t know myself any more.

Or restrict and deny yourself but healthy weight.

This is the one I am choosing even though its hard!

Never related to a post more.

Got myself in hand at 45. Did IF upped cardio lost 2 stone bmi 22 side 10 looked great.

Peri menopause hit at 49 despite same lifestyle put one stone back on now hovering at bmi 24/25. And that’s a real effort to maintain 🙄

Yep

im overweight and trying to lose- have been doing calorie counting and massively changed my diet. I cannot lose any weight at all. It is maddening.

I also have a chronic illness so can’t exercise so in a way my efforts have stopped me putting on weight (due to lack of movement) but aren’t sufficient enough to help me lose it.

Years ago I lost several stone eating 1800 cals a day. Now I’m at 1500 and maintaining.

Really feel your pain OP, this is 100% me. I've always been a stable weight in a neat size 12, if I wanted to be slimmer I had to seriously restrict but I'd stay a 12 whilst eating healthily but pretty much as much as I want.

It all changed in late 40s, I fast, I avoid carbs, I don't eat upf, good calorie deficit, exercise, have a generally active life, etc, etc.

I'm just going up about 1lb a month no matter what I did. At bmi 26 I got weight loss injections and it's such a relief. I'm staying on the starting dose so don't have great appetite suppression but I'm able to stick to a good calorie deficit, lost 10lb at pretty much 1lb a week.

I'm aiming for bmi 22/23 then will microdose and see if I can come off them but if not they must be fixing a problem so I'll stay on them.

I have had to be fairly careful all my adult life or I’ve gained weight, but I had it under control and could still eat nice food semi-regularly. Then menopause snuck up on me, and for a while I kinda let it, I decided it was ok to be a bit more rounded etc.

But then routine bloods came back with a cholesterol of 10, and I had to be super strict, which only brought it down to 7. Now I’m on statins, which initially gave me a horrific rash on my forearms, scabby weeping pimples that looked like shingles/chicken pox and itched worse than nettle stings. That’s thankfully gone now, but I’m now left with reduced gastric transit resulting in constipation and bloating. My cholesterol is down to 5, but I feel like I’ve been inflated with a bicycle pump. It’s so frustrating.

I mean … I eat protein with every meal, run 3 x a week, lift weights 4 x a week, walk everywhere, don’t eat UPFs if I can avoid them and I have not shed a pound since January 😩

The thing I don't understand about the weight loss injections is what happens when you stop them? Doesn't the weight just go back on?
They're not something I'd consider as personally as I don't think we fully understand the long-term side effects as yet, but this is something else I'm not sure about?

I do the weighing at my local Slimming World group. I'm not paid by them, I volunteer so I've nothing to gain by saying this.
About three quarters of the people in my group are menopausal or older and they lose weight just as easily as the younger women - if they follow the plan.

The plan's easy. Some food is restricted e.g. sweets, bread, alcohol, cheese but you need never go hungry because so much food is allowed and you can fill your boots with it.

Those people who follow the plan and exercise lose the most, quickest whatever their age.

Agree! The only thing that’s worked for me is a low carb diet focussing on high protein and fibre.

The plans I followed pre menopause no longer work post menopausally.

I noticed in your OP you said, "as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable."

If you're doing that whatever plan you're following is going to feel exhausting and restrictive.

You say, " You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend."

Perhaps you need a new plan that provides more balance so you don't eat practically nothing and then have a 'normal weekend'.

I don't know if you've tried SW but you can eat lovely food all the time, have occasional desserts and takeaways and still lose/maintain weight.

If not SW then something like it.

I've been off the jabs for a few months and all the old feelings and hunger have come back.i felt so normal onn hem.