to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

That's great and sounds v healthy and glad it's worked for you. I've eaten more protein and fibre (wholegrain version of all carbs) for years in a bid to help my CFS - which must have helped but I still (for some frustrating reason) have big appetite and tend to eat too much sugar. The CFS also means I don't always have the energy to exercise...although I would love to as I was always very sporty growing up and loved exercise (county High jump champion and on the athletics team and netball team at school). Sadly if I overdo it now I can feel like I've run a marathon (even if I haven't done that much by most people's standards) and it sets me back for days. I need to prioritise my energy so that I can be the best mum possible and continue going to work/earning. That's why it makes me really cross when people judge others for weight gain when they really don't know what's going on behind the scenes in people's lives (sorry that's not aimed at you)...just generally

We are all different for sure. My post wasn’t at all intended to be a comment on what others do, just what worked for me.

Same here, no judgement at all, just saying what worked for me. I think I do similar, but low carb-ish, depending on activity levels. Yesterday was pretty active, today will be less so, but I still try to get in some gentle exercise to help muscle recovery, walks and general movement.

You need to redesign your life so it can be healthier and your teenagers aren't physically dependent. I live somewhere I can walk to work precisely so I don't become unhealthy.

I know :) x

sigh

@ CurdinHenry · I say this with kindness, I have to wonder why a person in their mid forties is so intent on lecturing people on a thread meant for women supporting each other through menopausal struggles with weight. This typically happen in their fifties. I am really glad that you are fit and well, but this thread isn't really about you and your judgement of others. I think that you might find that you are talking to yourself.

I agree with you that CurdinHenry's comments are unrealistic, unhelpful, tone deaf, and show a complete lack of understanding that we're all different.

But I disagree that menopausal weight gain "typically" affects women from their 50s onwards. Perimenopause usually starts in a woman's 40s, including the potential for new problems with weight gain - as many of us on this thread have attested.

Apologies yes, I gained weight from the perimenopause too, I was just referring to the OP in relation to the menopause, which is typically from the 50's. I didn't mean to undermine weight struggles in the lead up to it.

I have personally found that there is a massive difference in terms of fitness and wellness between 45 and 55.

I thought the current orthodoxy was that the horrors of peri haunt us all from 39?

It absolutely is about me because unless I die first I'll one day be 50 odd. So I don't appreciate the miserable (and usually lazy) "we all get fat and you'll only be able to eat grapes and kelp" chat. Plus as evidenced by this thread most people don't get enough exercise and that harms us all as a society.

God, this is depressing. 😞

I’ve been in peri menopause for a few years, and thankfully so far, I’ve actually lost a few pounds as my appetite has decreased. My GP says that’s good as I’m now at the lower end of healthy weight which gives me some leeway for later on if I do put on some weight once I’m post menopause. My mum actually lost weight in perimenopause and hasn’t put on weight after either (she’s in her 70s now) so hopefully it’s in the genes as I wouldn’t be happy if I was overweight. 🤞

@ FeedTheFoxes

Fingers crossed you won't. I have siblings who have been naturally slim since childhood. At most they have gained 7 lb since menopause, which they successfully managed to lose.

I really do encourage everyone to be as insistent as possible with their GP about doing a thyroid check if you're struggling. I know they can be reluctant, but it really is best practice to do people's levels during times of hormonal fluctuation. The British Thyroid Foundation estimates that 12-20% of women over 60 are hypothyroid, so it's a very common issue.

And as a general service announcement, while you're at it... try to get them to do a baseline dexascan too.

@ user464632168

Yes I've done this as I have a strong family history of thyroid disease, including my Mum and one sister. I am also looking into a dexa scan also. I don't think you can have the dexa scan done on the NHS here under 60.

I really suspect that we all know if you felt good in any way, you wouldn't be on here trying to make others feel bad.

I saw a thread in passing the other day asking how people manage to stay on top of hoovering. I didn't go on and reply because I have a housekeeper 20 hours a week, so almost never hoover. Can you see how my addition to that thread might not have been helpful?

I was on fire in my mid 40s. Lost 2 stone over 4 months lots of positive comments! Go me! Kept it off too until 49. Then peri menopause hit…

Yes it’s like me going on those horror teen threads with women at their wits end and saying well my teens are absolutely lovely!

@JuliettaCaeser yes indeed - I lost 2 stone in 7 months at 49 - now at 64 it’s way way more difficult , even with a fair bit of excercise and a carefulish diet - WLis were a bit pointless for me ( did 5 weeks) as I don’t overeat, eat pretty healthily and don’t have constant food noise- and can ‘maintain’ well, not gaining- just struggle to shift any more after losing 2 stone -

You'll probably be absolutely fine in that case - I do think that a lot of it is genetic (body shape, appetite levels, ability to burn fat, likelihood to gain/lose weight as we age etc etc). My mum was 8 stone in her 20s after having 2 kids....by the time she'd had 4 kids she'd experienced noticeable weight gain and by menopause she was noticeably overweight. This is a woman who cannot eat a meal without a side salad or generous portions of veg.....for many years she'd cycle to the swimming baths and swim 100 lengths at least twice per week.....and at 82 she still swims 4 times a week (granted, no longer 100 lengths).... and yet she's still overweight despite not eating anymore than she used to....in fact she eats far less than she did in her 20s when she was just 8 stone. Bloody genes!!!....if they're "fat ones" 😬😬

Laughing at the idea that people have ‘3 hours of ambient time’ in the day. If I sit down before 10pm, it’s likely that I’ve forgotten to do something critical!

Really good advice to get thyroid checked - my mum now has AF and other issues that severely impact her quality of life, likely cause was years of subclinical hypothyroidism which was just dismissed as ‘your age’.

Is this a test for TSH? Two years ago mine was at 1.1 and the test result said normal but it was very close to the bottom end. At that time I managed to lose almost 2 stone in about 7-8 months. Slowly since then I have put on a stone so trying to lose it again recently but now massively struggling (and actually gaining weight some weeks) despite doing the same routine I did two years ago. Is it worth asking for that to be checked again? I’m almost 56 and taking HRT.

Yes TSH levels. My sisters declined gradually until she needed Thyroxine. It might be wise to ask to be retested.

@Neuronimo I've got to make an appointment and see them re my hrt anyway so think I will bring this up. Thank you

I mean... How is "you're going to get fat and there's nothing you can do about it now chow down" helpful exactly?

It is better to exercise more than to starve yourself, which is the only alternative being offered.

I went so skinny in peri my veins in my arms stuck out. I looked almost emaciated, while eating as normal. It actually shocked me, despite having always been thin. Now, post meno, I am eating less but my boobs have tripled in size, I have an unshiftable belly and a bigger arse. I am definitely not happy about any of it. I hope you are more lucky! 🙏