to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

it comes down to density, Muscle is less dense than fat so takes up less room, however a lb is still a lb that cannot change.

I wondered this too. Also why does it affect women more than men? DH can still pretty much eat anything he wants and doesn't gain even though he has got older.

How does this fit in with menopause?

I do not snack or eat breakfast. 2 meals a day with only water or tea in between. 2k calories would make me gain fast!

Maybe the evolutionary benefit is that we are squishy cuddly grandmas?
ummmm we are warmer so the yoof can sit nearer the fire?
people can eat us in times of need??

I've gained half a stone this year.

Coincidentally, had my NHS health check today and everything was within normal range. But the nurse said I should book an appointment with the GP in case they want to do any tests because I'm reasonably active, have a reasonably good diet, haven't changed anything (except to cut back/eat more healthily), barely drink.

I just thought it was something I had to accept or starve myself (will most likely turn out that that is the case anyway!) but I will probably make an appointment now.

Even just 12-18 months ago, if I cut out cake and ate more salad, I would drop a few pounds pretty quickly. Somewhere between 44 and 45 everything just seems to have turned to fat - and all gathering round the middle.

It's helpful for societies to have middle-aged women doing lots of work but requiring very little food.

Apparently the reproductive system uses quite a lot of calories, which is one of the reasons menopause reduces calorie needs.

This made me laugh 😂

I don't want to be squishy or cuddly though!

Jabs will help because your weight loss is caused by endocrine issues.

Thank your stars that you don’t have PCOS, hypothyroidism or any other metabolic disorder, or you would have started this struggle at puberty. Says the woman with both, who loses a pound a MONTH on the jabs.

@caretoshare
Not sure what you are asking, but eating fresh foods, freshly prepared in normal quantities and chewing correctly will not make you fat, whatever your age.

I’ve just accepted it and stopped giving a shit.

Its very liberating.

Completely agree with everything you said BUT really bad for you food is one of the few things that gave me pleasure in life!! 😭 Despite my meno-approaching age, I have a young child, and my socialising revolves around someone's kitchen table, a lovely camembert, bread, crisps and dips.
I can absolutely already see benefits of going no carb, and loading up on the veg but it just doesn't hit the same!

I do eat fresh foods freshly prepared but I go out to eat with friends and family too, work lunches etc. Eating a bit extra means weight gain. This only happened after menopause.

This sounds good but I don't like when my stomach is sticking out and I feel uncomfortable in my clothes when I gain weight. I also have a horrific family history of heart disease and diabetes which puts me at high risk.

The fluctuating hormones in perimenopause can stress the body and spike cortisol, especially if you are exercising too hard or eating too little. So, it's better to mix some restorative days with the stronger workouts.

I definitely find being active helps, that includes general moving around as well as exercise. I do some intermittent fasting, eat mostly real food, prioritise protein and veg.

Ah that makes sense. We are still contributors in our 50s and, as you say, for the group to have contributors who don’t need much food in return must be very helpful.

As time passes and we contribute less to the group, we are less useful to others and then what though….?

I gave up breakfast and sometimes lunch. I feel less hungry. I’m still struggling to lose weight though.

@caretoshare
I am 67, so well past menopause and can still wear clothes that are over 30 years old. You need restraint.
I got married when I was 41 and my dress still fits, if slightly too big these days.
I find that bread makes me fatter as it encourages water retention.

My friend has finally managed to start shifting her menopausal weight. She now has protein with every meal, cut out processed food and goes to the gym to lift weights or walks 10,000 steps daily. She’s lost 3 stone since January!

I'm not menopausal, but in my late 40s, it's probably not far off. In the past year I've done a complete overhaul of my diet for medical reasons. I was a bit overweight to start with, but not hugely so. With moderate exercise and the diet changes (cutting out as much sugar as possible, reducing carbs and sodium, more protein, veg, and healthy fats) I've lost a fair bit and am well within the normal range of BMI. I do sometimes resent the fact that I had to more or less give up so many favourite foods and drinks, but there are healthier options that are also enjoyable, and I think much less about what I'm missing now than I did when this all started six months ago.

The jabs probably aren't the best option for me (due to family history), so I'm hoping I won't struggle too much once menopause does come along. My mother has never seemed to have a problem with managing her weight, but unfortunately she has had other health issues, some of which I already seem to have inherited. I guess it's all just life!

Personally, I’ve done a lot of work on my mental state rather than my weight. As long as I am within a healthy BMI I do not care if I’ve gone up a dress size or even 2 (on my arse!). I am doing all the right things (weights, running, lots of plants, eating when hungry, not mainlining sugar, no booze). I am quite happy to be whatever size those actions leave me to be honest.

I now find it quite hard to identify with this insistence that people cannot possibly be any bigger than they used to be and that they will make themselves miserable for what remains of their life trying to fight against what their body wants and needs?

Bit bigger than you were at 30? Who cares?!!

Oh God I'd rather just buy a size up every 10 years! But we are all different

I do have restraint. I weigh 7lbs more than when I was 18.

I have dropped all snacks and eat two meals a day which are balanced.

I only maintain my weight if I eat less than 1500 calories a day. Probably 1300-1400 is best but I struggle with that but I generally stay within the calories. It’s incredibly shit and I have to to eat a lot of high volume low calorie foods to feel like I’m actually eating something. I am 50 and not in menopause yet although I assume I am peri considering my age. Not sure if suddenly I will start gaining weight
regardless of what I do!

I was thin, even underweight my entire life due to being petite and having health issues. Since my mid 40s when peri kicked in the weight began to pile on. I'm now a size 14 instead of 8!!! Trying to get a handle on it but no luck so far.

I meant to add, that stressing your body with too much exercise and food restriction causes cortisol, which can add fat around your middle. Dropping levels of oestrogen also causes your body to store fat, as it tries to hold onto oestrogen.

Dr Mindy Pelz has lots of YouTube videos which I found helpful. great advice for foods/fasting that support menopause.