to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

I have a DH and DC who can eat huge quantities and never put on any weight. They don't get why I have to be so restrained.

Hehehe I hate to tell you this but even eating 'fresh foods freshly prepared' can make you fat.

And chewing correctly has nowt to do with anything.

@caretoshare I hear you - and you're completely correct. Menopause is generally a bugger - but yes yes to this aspect of being particularly annoying.

Is this taken into account when working out daily calorie needs?

How much less a day should we be eating?

Definitely yes for me. I was always at the lower end of healthy BMI, but since menopause I've put on weight which I can't seem to lose and I eat a lot less than I used to and I weight lift, swim etc. I need to buy some new work pants because I don't have any I can fit into anymore.

I'm 45 and probably classed as a bit overweight but tbh I'm not bothered. I know others see it differently but I'm way "past my best" anyway so definitely not giving up nice foods I enjoy or wine!!
I've never weighed myself in my life and don't intend to start now.
I know a lady of the same age as me who has lost a huge amount of weight on the jabs as she is getting remarried soon. She is happy with her weight loss which is the main thing. I think she looked beautiful as she was.

Things do change in peri and older yes. I used to be able eat a whole packet of biscuits if busy and on the go. Never put weight on.

Now I have to watch what and the amount I eat or the pounds go on.

I eat a lot of legumes with veg etc so nutritious, tasty and filling. To cope with hunger pangs I drink squash. Quad strength summer fruits may not be nutritionally great but it fills me up and keeps any craves under control.

Another big difference for me is I really don't care how other people see me. If they see me as a bit of a fat 45 yo woman then so what? I probably cared more in my prime years, but not now.

YES. Absolutely. I’m 5’3”. I weighed 8st4, and was a size 8, from age 18-43. I’ve always eaten healthily but without particular restrictions, and I’ve always exercised.

And then, at 43, the weight started creeping on. With hindsight, this was the start of peri - my hair started falling out too (no, not thyroid-related).

When I noticed, I took steps to reverse it - the kind of things I’d done after an indulgent Christmas, or postpartum. Nothing happened. I tried harder - counted calories, lifted weights, moved more. Nothing happened.

My weight has carried on increasing, slowly, year by year, until now, at 50, I’m 20 pounds heavier than I used to be, and struggling to do up a size 12. A solid HRT regime has made not a jot of difference. I hate that I’ve got wardrobes full of 25 years of unwearable clothes.

It’s also really disorienting. Being “a slim person who can eat what they want” was part of my identity. I didn’t take it for granted, and I knew it was just pure good luck, but I did enjoy it. Those days are long gone. Every single day I think about whether my approach should be “acceptance” or “extreme action”. I still don’t know the answer.

Well it's about health isn't it, not what others think.
Obesity increases the risk of loads of serious illnesses and diseases.

Not looking fat is a bonus but I want to be healthy. Also it is a slippery slope - I don't want the weight piling on so would rather deal with it now.

I hear you, OP.
I've cut out all my favourites : pastries, biscuits, cake, chocs...and am down to one meal a day.
Since 1 March, have verrrry slowly lost 2.5kg but still have belly fat.
I refuse to spend money on buying clothes in a bigger size!

I agree it's about health first and it's much more of a motivator for me - being slim is a nice side effect. I started by trying to get healthy in my early 40s: post-baby, perimenopausal and recurring infections. Low carb certainly helped with the food noise and gradually getting fitter helped massively.

I was doing the 5:2 diet, but changed to 16:8, as it put too much stress on my system and I couldn't manage it. I'm now mid-50s, I'm much fitter/more active, but do yoga/walking/weights, as I can't do high intensity. I used to track everything, but now eat much more intuitively, lots of protein and plants - but I do eat lowish/moderate carbs, dark chocolate, some wine, usually 2 meals, but add a snack if I'm hungry. I tend to go by what I can do to measure muscle and how my clothes fit. It's kind of boring but consistent no punishing regimes or starving restrictions.

Edited due to autocorrect.

Like everyone says nothing has changed in your routine, yet the weight piles on, it’s so unfair.

I can’t do more exercise due to my M.S so I decided to try intermittent fasting. I’m also on HRT and testosterone, I noticed a little improvement with the HRT, but not enough. I also don’t drink alcohol due to my condition, it’s too toxic and also messes with my meds.

I’d gained a stone mainly around the midriff. It has slowly come off, I have lost the stone I’d put on and a little more. I find the 16/8 regime easy to follow, even when I’m on holiday. The hardest part for myself was not having breakfast straight away, I now eat it at around 11am, a light snack around 3pm and dinner at 7 ish.

I was very strict to begin with about the timings, and boy did my tummy rumble at times, then I realised that before doing this regime my stomach rarely rumbled, I’d been eating out of habit, I also recognised just how much I had little tit bits in between meals.

My nephew who has been overweight since childhood follows this regime, and he’s tried all sorts. He’s lost so much weight, he’s very organised at prepping food as he’s an HGV driver. We were chatting the other day about it, we both have overnight oats for breakfast, filled with nuts and seeds topped with fruit, it keeps you full for hours.

I can definitely vouch for it, it’s so easy to follow. I now feel in control of my weight, I’m 59, 5’ 3” and weigh 9st 3lbs, I haven’t weighed this since I was in my 30’s 🤗

@Gloriia I understand. Not personally that bothered though. My mum was the healthiest post-menopausal woman I'd known; perfect weight, balanced and healthy diet, exercised daily, barely drank alcohol. Didn't stop her getting cancer unfortunately.
She now spends far less time stressing about what she eats, enjoys her wine, and I would say is generally more content as a result.
I'd rather enjoy the time I have on this earth (and who knows how long or short that will be) enjoying my food and wine rather than worrying about weight gain and its potential consequences. Obviously if I got so overweight it started to impact upon me doing things then I'd review it.
I certaintly don't care what I look like as I'm past all that.

I'm 44 and experiencing the same. Same weight for years and now I have to be so careful. I'm on HRT. I have decided to try one meal a day after listening to the DOAC podcast about the benefits and learning about insulin resistance. But, it's miserable not being able to eat how I used to. I think 1,200 calories is all I need but still experimenting. Thank you for starting this thread OP, I hadn't appreciated how many women were experiencing the same.

I’m not giving up my wine at weekends or nice occasions. If that puts me at top of my bmi so be it.

Also find IF helps. No food until 11am at earliest. Then omelette. Small snack afternoon then dinner then ideally stop.

I think the point a pp made about your reproductive system using up calories must be spot on because this is so universal. I get frustrated with dh who just doesn’t get how little I now have to eat to not get fat. It’s so different to him. For the first time I actually wish I was a man.

OMG it is so depressing. I have fought really hard to lose a LOT of weight (8 stone over two years) and have got stuck just above the top end of a healthy BMI. I exercise a LOT (2-3 circuits classes a week, running at least 5k 3-4 times a week, lifting weights 2-3 times a week) although job is sedentary - I don't eat back the calories. I am back to tracking every bite again because I gain if I eat much more than 12-1300 calories a day and it isn't muscle (told myself that lie for a while, but that isn't it). It is so miserable being told I just lack discipline or need to 'lift heavy' or eat more protein and fibre - as if I am not already doing these things. If I see another woman in her 20's or buff gym bro telling me how I just have to do some simple things and have discipline I will scream.

Choices are: 1) eat semi-normally (mindful but not ALWAYS saying no) and get fatter again, or 2) Constant hypervigilance and stay slimish.

Am also wondering when all this exercise will stop feeling like such bloody hard work! Fed up with the DOMS and tiredness!

I really relate to this. I’m 43 and 5ft2. I’ve been between 8st and 8st7 from age 18 to 42. I’m now 8st13. I’m active, walk lots, lift dumbbells at home, don’t drink alcohol, hardly any UPF, etc. What can I do?!

I’m aware 8st13 might not sound high but when that’s a gain of over half a stone in 6 months, it’s worrying and I need to find a way for it not to continue.

Nobody is saying it is a guarantee. It is like someone who smokes and lives until they are 90.

I would rather reduce my risk than potentially die a horrible death as I have seen many family members go through for the sake of enjoying the foods that are not good for me or make me gain weight.

Same. DH buys slabs of cake and wonders why I can't eat them.

For me it's not just the health aspects it's the money. I wasn't intending to keep buying new clothes.

There is absolutely no way l would do this. You would still look well at BMI 20, still healthy so what's the point. I was always a good size and at 5 ft 6 was happy with my weight , losing it pretty quickly after breastfeeding etc. I have put on some weight since menopause but my focus now is on being strong, flexible and having fun exercising. I do gym, weights, golf , walking and l feel great but l eat what l want. I don't drink so no calories from wine and l am gluten free but come on life is too short and it's not all about weight. My cholesterol is fine, my heart is fine and no osteoporosis so l am aiming to enjoy life and have some fun.