Partner’s son’s wedding no invite

[heidi696]

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

But not everyone's family relationships are the same.

Clearly, where the parents are apart and the mum is estranged there have been issues.

I'd just step back op. There isn't much to be gained by effectively asking for an invitation. You'll only feel awkward.

There might be various reason but I understand you are disappointed. It would have been a good opportunity to get to know the family better.

Just one thought, are you absolutely sure it is the son rather than your partner's decision?

Why would his dad need his partner there to feel comfortable though? He will presumably have multiple relatives, family friends and his son's friends who he will possibly have know years to converse with.

I think it might just be the OP's DP asking for help with his suit.

I would have expected a 'plus one' for someone as high-up in the guest hierarchy as the groom's father, unless it's a very small wedding.

Has your boyfriend had any 'sorry you weren't invited' conversations with you?

I would consider someone who has been together for six months to be together and think of them as a couple. There may of course be many reasons for him not inviting you (not least because they may be super tight on numbers). I don't think you're wrong to be a wee bit upset. However, you haven't been invited so my advice when something is a done deal is make the best of it and don't make an issue of it with your partner. Book a nice trip away for yourself, have a spa day with a friend etc.

I agree

I think you’re twisting OP’s words to make her look shallow. I took her comment to mean the dressing up part as adding to the excitement and atmosphere, not the main focus. I think she probably knows what weddings are about TBH.

You aren’t really even a “partner” after only 6 months either.

Ah right my apologies, I read it as groom wanted help choose a suit!! No wonder if thought it wierd.
Can't be much of a wedding if she's got to help help partner chose a suit, usually the male wedding party all wear the same suits,usually hire them.
Doesn't sound like a big function

@HalzTangz made a very good suggestion. Help him pick his suit and be happy for him. On the day do something dressy with your friends. And do it all sincerely because if he catches on that you feel even the remotest sense of entitlement to be invited to a wedding that was no doubt organised months before you'd even met, he might take a dim view of that.

6 months in is still dating. I wouldn’t have even considered meeting family never mind going to their major events

I would imagine he woukdnt want his dads new dolly bird there (at c. £300 additional cost) any more than i would

That’s a good point, I was really thinking of friends of the marrying couple who might have partners who haven’t met the bride and/or groom yet. In this case, I agree with the person who said it is downright rude of the son not to invite the OP. But maybe the OP’s partner didn’t want her to be invited?

I wouldn’t have expected an invitation and it wouldn’t bother me not to get one.

Did you need to be so dismissive? "Dolly bird" - are you posting from 1952?

Dolly bird ? Seriously ?

That’s your sister though. You are no one to this man’s son other than a new girlfriend.

That’s not the same dynamic as a parent though, especially his only parent when he clearly has a very painful relationship/history with him mum.

You’ve been together 6m, he’s not your “partner”.

Can’t say I blame his son, it’s definitely still ‘new relationship that might not last’ territory after only six months. Maybe an evening do invite would be nice though.

You can feel as. Close to your partner all you like, it does not translate into their children feeling like that. They can have only met a couple of times and even the couple
barely know each other after 6 months.

I went to my cousin's wedding, and my boyfriend at the time was included....we'd only been together a short time.

This situation is different though, you are the groom's Dad's girlfriend, who he's only been with 6 months. It's a relatively short time, and it's probably not surprising you aren't invited. A lot depends how long your boyfriend and his ex have been split, and if she is in a long-term relationship or not.

Help your boyfriend choose a suit, and be happy to do so. Listen to the wedding chatter, and be polite. On the day, take yourself off somewhere (with a friend) and do something nice.

It's a bit churlish not to invite you, OP, in my view. They could have invited you just for the evening, as PP have said. I suppose I would do the same as you and say nothing. But I would not take kindly to being ignored in the future if there's a family gathering and you're a more established couple.

Mind you, depends on your definition of “social graces”!

I think the only part of this that is odd is that there's no plus 1 on the invite even to the evening reception BUT there may be lots of reasons for this such as it only being a small function or venue and/or maybe they have other close relatives in similar situations and are concerned it will cause issue by inviting one and not the other......
OP I would try and rise above it take no offence by it. Help DP with the suit and buy a card for the happy couple and maybe a small token gift DP can take with him wish them well and make your own plans for the day/night or even book a short break away with friends. However, I feel this is something which will remain with you for the duration of your relationship and if so then it isn't going to work as you will never be able to be close to his son and DIL.