Partner’s son’s wedding no invite

[heidi696]

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

My stepson had a processiion of 6 months girlfriends, all lovely, he’s still in touch with many of them. And a series of big family events. Like weddings. So he’s in photos with a lot of different girls. Different for the dad of the groom though I think.

The grown up and supportive thing would be to help chose the suit, and buy a card for the son and his bride wishing them all the best on their special day.

then, if your relationship lasts you will be remembered for being a good person, and if it doesn’t, you will be remembered for still being a good person.

Given the status of your relationship, I would consider you a plus 1, a date, but that would be dependant upon finances. I'm assuming they don't have the scope for a plus 1.

Going against the trend here, but I’d certainly invite a partner of 6 months in this scenario. I think it’s bizarre not to.

Rather presumptive of you to think you’d be invited OP, he hardly knows you.
My niece is getting married next year, I’m not invited and am not in the slightest bit offended.

Surely his Dad has a plus 1. I'm single but all my dc would be happy for me to bring anyone as a plus one.

6 months is no time at all.

After six months I wouldn't expect to be invited to a partner's DC's wedding.
it could also be family issues. DSis has been with her partnr for over twenty years. She gets on brilliantly with his DC, but wasn't invited purely because DC's DM said she would kick off. DSis has never met the DM and wasn't the OW. She said she was relieved because DM has a history of making scenes,.
Afterwards the DC said he wished he hadn't invited his DM as she was 'difficult' all day and upset the bride. I imagine DSis would have had a tough day.

Sorry, cross-post. Just seen DM isn't attending.

I’d probably invite the plus one of a guest, but if the dad is playing a fairly central part, especially if the mum is estranged and not attending, having dad’s girlfriend of. 6 months there might ve a bit weird. If it was a massive wedding with evening invites maybe, but that’s quite a thing to go to if you’ve not met many of their friends.

I think it would be nice for you to be invited to the night do, for company for his father, but I can see why you weren’t invited to the day do.

The grooms mum isn’t invited. The couple are already navigating a tricky guest situation (does mum have siblings, parents etc who would ordinarily be invited? Does the groom have siblings and if so, are any of them still on speaking terms with mum?). is it a small wedding to account for the family issues.

I think its completely understandable not to invite a girlfriend who might have come on the scene since invites were sent.

your BF is including you (clumsily) by asking you to help with his suit selection. Wish him a happy day and go out with girlfriends instead.

I would think an evening invite would be nice.

all families are different. Some happy to be open to whichever partner is on the scene. Some more reserved.

At 6 months you’re still in the dating stage.

OP and her DH are still getting to know each other.
It would be way too soon to be invited to a wedding.

Its different if it was a friends or colleagues wedding, then you would invite them both.

But there’s no way I’d invite my mum or dads partners who’ve they’ve only been seeing for a few months.

It’s nothing personal but it’s your once in a lifetime special day and your parent being there is a big deal.
OP doesn’t come into it as they don’t really know her.

Is it a large wedding?

Thinking about seating plan, with no groom’s mum being there, would there be a top table, and where would you sit?

Are they getting married in a church?

We had a lovely colleague having a small wedding only 10 people invited to the lunch afterwards (cost was an issue). One of the women asked if she would be okay if we watched her go in to the church with her Father. We ended up going in (on her invite).

After the ceremony we stood to one side whilst they took some photographs. She came over and hugged us and thanked us for coming. Afterwards they went off to their hotel reception and we went for coffee and cake and a bit of high street shopping.

Now it was the 90s, so a local church, no video, simple photographs outside the pretty church - not a hello photo shoot.

Totally understandable that you’d want to be invited, also understandable that you aren’t. I mean, who doesn’t love a party! Just be your best self, get excited with them, enjoy the run up and planning chat. Lovely that he’s asking your advice on a suit. And plan something to do for yourself on the day.

Glad you're seeing sense. 6 months is no time at all is it. Yes if you'd been together years, lived together and were in a committed relationship but I wouldn't invite someone's new gf or bf if I was getting married either.

His mum isn’t invited. He probably wouldn’t want people to presume you’re his mum. And he may also in a round about way be protecting his relationship with his mum even if they are estranged. It would be different were you co-habiting or married perhaps.

If they wedding is next month you must have been very very new when the invitations went out - and you still are very new.

I am glad you took onboard feedback - and glad your partner has respected his son’s wishes and not made an issue of this.

There are more layers in your situation than a sister's BF so it isn;t really a level comparison.

It is normal enough for the son to have loyalty to his mum. Quite honestly, in that situation many would feel it wasn't mandatory to ask you even had it been a longer term thing: this is a celebration for your partner's son with his ex.

Don't make it difficult for them - there are loads of opportunities to get dressed up without intruding where you can see you are not really welcomed - for whatever reason. The truth is, his son is under no obligation to welcome you into his life. You are part of his Dad's life, but not necessarily of his life unless he chooses that. I think too often dc are expected to embrace new partners of their parents, even when their own parents have not embraced having each other in their lives. Yet there is this double standard.

I get the not been invited bit,but I find it wierd that he knows you well enough to ask you to help him pick suits! He should have just stuck to the none invite and not include you in any of it.
I wouldn't go to choose suits,be busy, and just take yourself off out for the day of the wedding and don't even mention it again or ask about it, just show very little interest.

It’s tough but after only 6 months it’s understandable. The wedding pics live for decades and if you were to break up they won’t want their dad’s a short-lived partner in them in 20 years time.
I even feel this about some of my friends’ former boyfriends in our wedding pictures!

The weddings likely been planned for years at this point, guest list finalised, costs sorted etc way before you came on the scene. I wouldn't take it personally at this stage of your relationship,

I agree. Or, as a previous post mentioned, assuming you can afford it, you invite an unnamed plus one to accompany the people you know who are not in an established relationship. That makes it much more comfortable for your guests who might enjoy the wedding more if their partner is there. As far as I’m concerned, the wedding is a celebration for everyone there to enjoy.