Partner’s son’s wedding no invite

[heidi696]

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

Just because your family do things a certain way it doesn’t make it not normal when others do it differently. When you say ‘especially family’ you do realise that OP isn’t the grooms family, she is his dads girlfriend of 6 months

I thought the same about you but ya know, it takes all sorts and all that

I get that but I would be grateful if you would answer the question

Because the tone of her original post is entitled and quite frankly she has zero reason to be

No that’s not fair. There’s nothing entitled in the OP. She just said it would be nice to get dressed up and be included, and she asked if it was normal not to be invited.

The wedding is likely to have been planned a while ago. 6 months is very early days, and from the sons perspective you are a new girlfriend. The fact you describe yourself as a partner so early into a relationship shows me you see it very differently. Obviously if you see this as long term it hurts not to be invited. From the sons perspective this is very new, may not last, and does he want that in the photos? I would do something special for yourself that day and show them slowly and over time that you are part of the family.

MilkyLeonard

To me it is different when a partner has something significant happening in their life, their son may not be the OPs son or even step-son (yet) but to me not being included in a family wedding is a shane.

I wasn't personal with you on any level until you had a snide dig at me. And for the record. I don't run around offline arguing with people like you suggested. I live alone and I'm disabled and have been housebound for long spells. Maybe keep your judgement to yourself until you know the circumstances of someone's life. And on that note I'm out

She doesn't need to be in photos

It's clearly a different culture. Polish culture is very much about hospitality. If you are the partner of groom's dad then you are basically classed as family. Of course I get that money comes in to this but isn't it a shame that weddings have become so expensive and superficial in terms of having to have everything looking perfect over and above what it actually should represent which is all your friends and family coming together for a right good knees up to celebrate your union. Don't get me wrong - I fell in to that trap too...and I wanted my wedding to look as special as my friends' and spent silly amounts. ...but I really wish I'd had the balls to do things differently and do what my parent's generation did - they literally got married in their local Catholic Church and then had a huge buffet in the church hall and danced the night away with all their friends and family and plus ones as it wasn't costing an arm and a leg for the venue and the wedding breakfast etc. I personally wouldn't dream of not including plus ones for parents of the "happy couple". It just feels wrong to me and would have to find a way, but each to their own.

You had a dig by ‘correcting’ my comment about being with him for five minutes, which is just an expression. Maybe you misunderstood or maybe you didn’t.

Not sure where I implied you go round arguing with people. And whether or not you do, I am not bothered.

Please remember you don’t know about my situation either.

And now it’s my turn to be out

It was a snide dig on your part and you know it. It was belittling her. Something you've done repeatedly on this thread. Good

Yes It’s cultural but I was surprised that you dismiss anything other than your experience as not normal.

There are all kinds of weddings. All the family/child free/no plus ones/ridiculously expensive etc etc. No such thing as normal.

Brit culture doesn’t tend to class someone who has been with a family member for 6 months as family. There is no evidence that it will be a grand wedding though

I wasn’t belittling you. Not sure why you then had to have a pop.

Maybe the OP calls him her partner as she's not in her teens and doesn't want to say boyfriends. Maybe this would have been resolved if the partner had just said it would have been great if you could have been there - there's just no room

Then she's to go and help pick a suit. People have feelings. Emotions. Why is that wrong? Why do people constantly need to be shot down for expressing how they feel.

The OP hasn’t been excluded from a family wedding though. She isn’t family.

The OP asked whether she was being unreasonable to feel this way. People on both sides of the argument shared their views. Those who think she’s being unreasonable aren’t “shooting her down” - they’re answering her question.

Weren’t you claiming you were out of this thread half an hour ago?

She won’t have been a partner of six months when the invitations went out though. Likely a GF of a couple of weeks at best. Would you invite somebody your dad had been on a couple of dates with to your wedding, knowing they could well split up in the next month? I wouldn’t.

OP, it is just bad timing - if you’d been together six months longer, you’d likely have been included.

Like someone else said on here, it's about social values, social graces and manners. Yes I understand that OP is the groom's dad's gf. I feel that 6 months is a significant amount of time. People can be engaged within that time if it feels right, so personally I wouldn't dream of not inviting my parents partner to a wedding. Each to their own.

Gosh a lot of replies! Thanks everyone. It’s not that I feel strongly one way or the other - I think it could Be a bit awkward if I was there as my partner will probably be called upon to sort things out on the day and of course I won’t know anyone. I don’t think it’s to do with cost as they are having the reception at his son’s fiancée’s parents house in a marquee and doing the catering themselves so one extra meal wouldn’t matter I don’t think. I think for me it would have been nice to have been invited but I’m not sure I would have actually gone. I think my partner might have a better time without me in that he can relax and enjoy himself without having to worry if I’m ok . So yeh it’s not a big thing really. And yeh probably he is just a boyfriend - that word is a bit weird to me at my age lol

So are you bothered or not because you're contradicting yourself.

It's understandable you're not invited given you've only been dating 6 months, you can tell your DH to limit the discussing or involving you in wedding talks but that would be ridiculous especially when you've already said you're not bothered.

Or you could break up for the next 6 months and hopefully come back together after the wedding if you're both still single and available lol.

Each to their own…… Exactly!
Plus weddings are usually planned a year or two in advance and they probably had picked all their guests a year ago before OP was even on the scene. It’s hard to say why they haven’t offered an invite because we don’t know how the groom or bride feels about OP