Partner’s son’s wedding no invite

[heidi696]

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

Normal.

Not that unusual, but I personally think six months is roughly the time you begin to accept somebody's bf or gf as a thing.

Presumably his Dad is on the top table with him for the food? My top table was me and the groom, my Dad, my Mum, My FIL and my MIL- plus my Mum's long term boyfriend and FIL's long term girlfriend. It would be rude to separate his Dad and his Dad's date, but having a relative stranger on your top table would also be madness.

MNers aren’t a sub species of woman.
I really don’t get comments like this.
Just like in the real world, different people have different opinions.

I don't think you should have expected an invite. You sound a little pushy.

I think your boyfriend is being rude expecting you to help him pick out a suit etc. You aren't his wife and you're not invited to the event.

You got together 7 months before the wedding date? How long until you were introduced? I don’t think you being his dad’s girlfriend really comes into play when the time between meeting you and the wedding is so short. The coupe simply didn’t know you when drafting the invite list.

I would also say as a dad’s girlfriend, probably need quite a few years under your belt anyway to get an invite!

I shall offer a dissenting perspective. For a sentient human being 1 month of dating is more than enough to know whether you are looking at a potential wife/husband or not. And if somebody is interested in a person, they try to make this person their own vis-a-vis the rest of the world by getting engaged to them - like 'can I reserve this expensive thing in a shop - I really really really want it, I know I do, I don't want others to buy it from under my nose'.
Don't be scared - find out his intentions towards you. Ask directly. If after 6 months you are not good enough to be a plus one, what are you to him?
Actually, it is good that he has no social graces, as otherwise he would have invited you and you would not have had a chance to have a proper conversation about what are you to him.
To me, even when I was 20, the suggestion of 'let us just have a good time' was never a good enough reason to be with anyone, no matter how nice/beautiful/rich/intelligent, because I wanted to be 'the one' before I jumped into bed with them with all the concomitant woes that usually ensue.

I understand that you would like to have been invited.

I also understand why a son would not invite his father‘s new girlfriend this early in their relationship.

(I would invite couples in committed relationships btw. Even if the relationship was fairly recent. But…🤷‍♀️)

erm what now?

For a sentient human being 1 month of dating is more than enough to know whether you are looking at a potential wife/husband or not

It is absolutely not!

I have the opposite timeframe - I think it takes years until you can be truly sure you know someone well enough to contemplate them being your life partner. Many years.

At six months in they're just a fling.

Sad that people are commenting that you’re a stranger, they hardly know you etc. it’s not necessary to be so spiteful. Equally I wouldn’t worry about not being invited. There will be other occasions in future when you are more part of the family x

The people who are on OP's side so to speak are acting as though her boyfriend is just a regular guest. In that scenario a six-month plus one really isn't that big of a deal.

But he is the father of the groom. Acting like it's a casual thing is a bit silly.

If dad is at a top table, where will she sit? There will be relatives there that she likely hasn't met yet and perhaps they don't want the wedding to be dad introducing his new girlfriend. That's not even touching on potential pitfalls with exes and extending family relationships. history etc.

It's fine for them to not invite OP.

I think it just depends on the couple. I would say it would be "normal" for you to be invited. But also "normal" if you weren't.

We were very relaxed about our wedding. There's a few people who came with partners I hadn't met, who had only been dating a few months. Isn't that the idea behind a "plus one". It doesn't bother me that some of them are in photos. The wedding was 20 years ago, I don't spend hours every week looking at the pictures.

But equally, if the couple don't want people there that they are not close to, that's fair enough as well!

You sound very sensible about realising you don't need to go. But also, don't feel you have to be really kind as well.

Say no to going with him to buying the suit, and prioritise yourself. You don't need to be running around after him during this wedding stage. Go and do some fun things without him.

Six months is nothing, this is still a new relationship OP so I'd be taking baby steps in all areas. As others have suggested, maybe plan something nice for you to do on the day so that you don't feel left out (but you shouldn't feel left out anyway!)

Traditionally, unmarried guests not clearly in an established long-term relationship would get a personal invitation that included a "plus one" (guest of their choosing), and your partner would then (most likely) have invited you to come with him (unless maybe he felt that he'd be too busy with his duties as father of the groom to really handle bringing a guest and you'd be left alone all day among people you don't know.)

But it's also increasingly common to economise and keep the ceremony/reception more meaningful and intimate by eliminating the "plus one" and having all invitations be specific, with only individuals with a real connection to the bride or groom included. So for example if the bride's parents are still married to each other they'd each be invited by name, while your partner would be invited to the wedding but not invited to bring a guest. Neither way is weird or inappropriate, just different choices on the part of the bride and groom.

lol weird to want to go sounds like hell on earth to me

your boyfriend would have to be looking after you cus you’d not know anyone - he’d probably be sitting at a different table to you and you’d be a stranger at a table with friends or family of the couple !

also it’s probably all been arranged for a year - they can’t just add an extra person

In the UK anyone can go to a wedding I think. You could get dressed up and sneak in if you really want to go!!

It's a tricky one and I'm on the fence. I was invited to dh's uncle's wedding and at the time they got married we had been together 8 months (although I think dh's uncle talked to PIL beforehand about whether I was likely to be permanent or not. 24 years later dh and I are together but his uncle split up with his wife years ago.

You're a gf of a few months. It's too soon for you to be invited to close family events. Slow your roll.

This is a very good point too.

Chances are you weren’t even with his dad when the invites got sent out and the entire wedding had already been planned.

It just shows how new you are to the family.

But it’s nothing personal and you shouldn’t take it to mean that they don’t like you.

I think the fact that your DP hasn’t made an issue out of it to his son and is still openly talking about the wedding in front of you, are massive green flags and sounds like a decent man.

This sounds like a great way to build a relationship with the son - not.

Partner of 20years was not invited to my daughter's wedding even though they get on well.
In fairness he was gracious enough to say when the wedding was first mooted - obviously it will be much easier for everyone else if I'm not there so saved having to be told the wasn't going.
It may not be just about the mother but family relationships can be strange and it is the bride and grooms day so please don't think into it too much. His plan for the two days was to watch stuff he knows I dont enjoy- a takeaway and a few beers. Do something kind to yourself

To be fair, wasn't all the arrangements and seating/invites done before you'd even met your partner? Deffo for any sit down meal part.

Anyway, just be a great person, help chose a suit, wish him a fab time at his sons wedding and say you are looking forward to hearing about it later and seeing the photos. That's what supportive partners do isn't it? Smile!

She can do this if she wants to get dumped on the spot.