Partner’s son’s wedding no invite

[heidi696]

So my partner of about 6 months - his son is getting married in about a months time but he told me I’m not invited. Im thinking it’s because we are only “new” ? I mean it hasn’t really bothered me but he wants me to go with him to pick out a new suit and I’m hearing about it nearly every day obviously my partner is excited and I was thinking it would be nice to get dressed up and be included- even if they didn’t want me in family photos which I would understand of course. Is this normal - not to be invited.

Have you met the family?

Was the wedding arranged before you met?

You say 'partner', but is it more boyfriend? How often do you see each other?

You’re virtually a stranger.

I think it might be more awkward if you were invited. If they have a traditional top table would OP be seated there, as if she's the groom's stepmother? Her partner may be involved in wedding duties and she'd be left on her own for a large part of the day. Also, OP seems to be sad to miss an opportunity to dress up, rather than seeing a couple exchanging wedding vows.

I find the idea of a generic "plus one" really strange. Surely most people aren't so socially anxious that they can't go to a wedding without a partner so new that the couple don't know them?

I have never seen this in real life, just American sitcoms

I also TBH would be more comfortable on my own at my son's wedding than worrying about looking after a new partner who didn't know many people etc

Not normal here in NI, or indeed in all of Ireland. Obviously I’m generalising, but it IS generally the case. This comes up a lot on Mumsnet. So much formal prissiness about who should and shouldn’t be at a wedding. I get the whole potential awkwardness around the mother of the groom vs new partner in this particular scenario, but the OP has said the groom is estranged from his mum. The dad doesn’t get to have his plus one, should he so choose. I find that utterly bizarre.

Oh well, I suppose we’re more culturally different than it seems on the surface.

I don't think k it's cultural or prissiness. More the fact it's usually at least £100 a head to host a guest at a wedding, so the couple understandably want people who love both of them attending.
I didn't invite any guests brand new boyfriend/girlfriend to my wedding.

I'm not twisting her words.

She says she wants to join in the excitement and get dressed up and be involved. There is no sense at all in her post of what the marriage means to the groom and his bride.

A word of advice @heidi696

youve been with him a VERY SHORT TIME.

this guy is a boyfriend, not a partner. You barely know him.

dont future fake yourself on this.

I agree about feeling the need to invite the partner but it may be that the number of guests to the ceremony and reception is maxed out. They would most likely have booked the wedding way before dad met his partner. Any other scenario though, then I think it's polite to invite the partner.

Of course, you and your husband were also in those photographs and, as you now have a boyfriend, I assume you broke up too!

I wouldn't expect to be invited at this early stage. It would be a relief not to have to make small talk with people who have known each other a life time, or who might not think kindly towards a newcomer if they are still close to his ex.

But I'd be very happy to help him choose an outfit. If the talk is non-stop wedding, I might back off a little and spend more time doing other things until it has all died down.

Think it’s normal not to be invited. If you like such occasions I can understand feeling a bit left out. Not a big deal!

6 months normal!

Would you not feel terribly awkward at this wedding (if you were invited)? I'd run a mile and leave them to it.

What on earth is that meant to mean?! Talk about unclear…

I find it a bit strange calling someone your partner after just 6 months.

It’s totally normal for the son not to invite someone he barely knows. A 6 month relationship is so new, it would be more strange to invite you in my opinion.

As a pp said: OP isn’t just the girlfriend of a „normal guest“. She’s the girlfriend of the grooms‘s father. Who will presumably sit in the first row during the ceremony, may sit at the top table etc.

It would be different if this was a less „central“ guest.

But I still understand that OP would have liked to have been invited.

It's not normal. I have family from Poland. You literally invite everyone you know, especially family! How cold of them.....and very odd

1. you’re his girlfriend not his wife
2. you’ve only been together 6 months
3. you are not related to the groom and nor does he know you well
4. If you break up it’ll be annoying having you in the photos

So I’d say it’s normal in this scenario. Had it been a year or two I’d expect an invite.

I think it depends on the exact situation.

I'd have invited you, but I planned a wedding in an ugly but cheap venue so I could invite 200 people. No number restrictions, no family drama. Plus my DH had proposed by 4mo, so 6mo to me isn't nothing depending on the couple.

But if they only have a small number of guests, limited budget, haven't met you much or consider your relationship pretty early or casual, you came on the scene after they'd planned the wedding, or it would upset their Mum, I think it's very understandable.

Why hasn’t he asked his son if you can go??

After a series of family events with a variety of my dad's short-term girlfriends, I redacted his +1 to my wedding. My mom and her long-term partner were there - even though they split up a few years later it doesn't feel odd having her in the photos as I knew her well and she was around a lot. My dad had a parade of various women during those years and I didn't feel like having one of them at my wedding. After just a few months together I think it's fair enough to only have people you really know at your own wedding.

As an aside, I once had a serious longstanding relationship with a man from another culture. His sister got married and the wedding was enormous, just about everyone was invited...except, yep, ...except for me. He went without me and I never got over the upset.

Why would he do that?

It’s his son’s wedding and he should have no say in who goes and who doesn’t.
If the son wanted to invite OP he would have.

Chances are this wedding was planned before OP was even on the scene and it’s not so simple to just add another guest in, especially one that’s with the grooms father.

There are also likely other members of his family going who are related to his mum and perhaps he doesn’t want to cause any issues.

Why on earth would he