Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel obliged to work full time?

179 replies

Dariara · 13/05/2026 13:49

I went part-time when I had my first child, and my second is starting school in Sept.

DP and I pay 50% of the mortgage and household bills each (before I went part time, and throughout maternity leave, I paid more). I said I would go back to full-time work when DC were at school but now… I don’t want to? AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dariara · 14/05/2026 19:59

filofaxdouble · 14/05/2026 17:12

The thing is, this is because in my opinion the DH often minds less about the baby or child going into full time care than the mother does, when it is so obviously a substandard level of care in comparison to looking after your own children. So the mother making a sacrifice to actually take care of her own children at the expense of her career and earning capacity has somehow been reframed as them making their own choice to be part time and earn less.

When what they are really doing is adding way more value to their children’s lives through loss of their own income earning capacity.

OP it sounds like any extra money you earned he would want to swallow up in additional expenses and mortgage payments, so effectively losing a day off means transferring the benefit of your day off to extra money for him.

Unless you can ring fence all the extra money you’d earn, don’t do it.

Show quote history

I think this is so important. I work four days a week because I know I need to make money, have adult company and use my brain… But I know my kids would prefer me to be around more, and it would really benefit their development, especially when little. It’s so hard. I didn’t appreciate motherhood guilt until I had my DC.

OP posts:
filofaxdouble · 14/05/2026 23:44

Dariara · 14/05/2026 19:59

I think this is so important. I work four days a week because I know I need to make money, have adult company and use my brain… But I know my kids would prefer me to be around more, and it would really benefit their development, especially when little. It’s so hard. I didn’t appreciate motherhood guilt until I had my DC.

Show quote history

You’re benefiting your children so much with extra time for them by doing this, it’s not just yourself. I wish I could afford to do the same.

Don’t let him persuade you to transfer the benefit from your kids to his, by sucking up your time with your kids to buy a bigger house for them, or from you to him by taking your time with your kids for his holidays.

Tell him to get up and do some housework.

BeachClub · 16/05/2026 19:55

Of course it's beneficial to be around them more. Yes you'll get the brigade saying it never did their kids harm with them working full time, but not doing kids harm isn't the same as it being beneficial.

missmollygreen · 16/05/2026 20:19

frozendaisy · 13/05/2026 14:12

That’s for him to build a bridge and get over!

If you match his family financial contributions you are matching his family financial contributions - the fact you do it on a part time basis is not your problem.

Show quote history

And if the OP lost her job. That would be her bridge to get over? He shouldn't pay more to cover her bills?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page