To not feel obliged to work full time?

[Dariara]

I went part-time when I had my first child, and my second is starting school in Sept.

DP and I pay 50% of the mortgage and household bills each (before I went part time, and throughout maternity leave, I paid more). I said I would go back to full-time work when DC were at school but now… I don’t want to? AIBU?

We both went to 30 hours when the kids were small and then up to 33 when they were in school. Now they're adults, my husband has recently gone back to full time, but I'm not planning to. I think we're going to be OK in retirement and have enough saved to get the kids through the rest of uni (we top up to maximum loans, but I don't feel the need to make them loan free) and working another 4 hours a week would be too much of a squeeze with the other stuff I want to do. It's fine. Life is short.

I'm also glad that we were both still part time all through senior school. There was pretty much someone home whenever the kids came back and they might have disappeared into their rooms quite a lot as teens, but quite often they wanted to unpack their days with one of us.

Men very frequently want their wives to work FT and maximize their earnings while still expecting their wives to pick up the bulk of child raising, domestic and emotional labour. They tend to overlook how much time and effort the child raising, domestic and emotional labour takes.

If affordable and extra would only go on unnecessary bigger house, holidays in addition to existing holidays then nah. I work 32hr weeks but condense hours so im not in a Monday and every 2nd Friday and I will never ever give that up to go back Mon-Fri. Life's too short for what would only be for me an extra £200 a month because the extra hours would be the higher tax rate.

I'd lay it out for him. If he wants you to work full time he needs to take on 50% of all housework, childcare, mental load. Everything. Literally give him a list.

I'd go as far as telling him he doesn't pull his weight as it is, despite earning less, so if he wants more (money, hols, house etc) he needs to PROVE he can carry a lot more.

You know he won't man up.

Depends if you’d expect more money in a divorce because your career and pension “suffered” - I find many women have very short patchy memories when reminded it was their decision and insistence that they didn’t return to full time employment

If you’re paying half the bills and mortgage on part-time hours then good on you! I went part-time years ago and never regretted it. Your husband has no right to expect you to go back full-time when you’re already paying your fair share and doing more of the house work and child care as well. If he wants more money, tell him to look for a higher paid job himself!

Wow, he has a lot of nerve. He has older children from a prior relationship to boot ... yet you're still doing the bulk of the childcare and household care? Yet he wants you to work more than you already do on top of all that so you can contribute MORE than 50% to upgrade his lifestyle? Wow

You have an entitled DH problem. When you do eventually increase your hours, sock the money away for future needs, not what your BOYFRIEND, not even your husband, wants.

I wouldn't marry him btw....

We’re not married so I wouldn’t expect anything if we separated.

Don’t marry him…

YANBU, you are bringing more than him to the table already.

I didn't go back full time until mine were both at secondary school....and am seriously regretting it.

He wants you to work full time so that your step children can have double beds so they can shag their girlfriends/boyfriends at your house?
This really isn't a good reason for working full time. Dc going to school doesn't actually free up nearly as much time as you might expect.
If he wants more money in this situation he needs to apply himself to earning it.

That’s just not a priority for me or worth the trade off of less time with my DC and more stress. on their death bed people dont regret not yaving more stuff, bigger stuff, but they may regret noy having spent more time with the kids. Freeing up time with them at the weekend & after school is so valuable.

If DH wants more money for a bigger house and more holidays he can either get a better job or I'd tell him that I'd go full time when he picks up 50% of the childcare and 50% of the housework but until I see evidence of that, I'm staying part time.

Just being nosey 😂 and really not to do with the thread but did you have your children quite quickly into the relationship?

100% stay part time, you are not in financial hardship and you get the time with your children, he’s a bit of a CF but don’t think it’s a LTB situation, just a firm NO I won’t be doing that

I’m part time and I don’t even have children. Life is too short! I was the higher earner before I went part time. As long as I pay my 50% of the household costs, I don’t see what business it is of my DPs. Likewise if he wanted to go part time, I’d say good for him as long as he can still afford his half.

I have four children and zero plans to save any money for them potentially going to university. It isn't the be all and end all. But I live in Scotland and paid tuition fees will probably still be available when they're older so I guess that part would be covered.

Remember the concept of "full time" is made up and it certainly isn't the healthiest balance or in the best interests of workers. If you can work part time, go for it! Time is so precious, you'll be able to do some drop offs and be around for you children and importantly have time for yourself, to get things done or to do something thay you want to do. Enjoy!

Put on your hard hat

My DH suggested this when our kids were older … I explained what I did on my 1.5 days off and what I thought he could take on so our weekends still remained free of household drudge and he changed his mind.

Sorry, but this makes absolutely no sense. If you're the higher earner, then your job should be prioritised.

It would make far more sense for you to go full time, and for DH to go part time (or not work at all). That way, there's the same amount of parental cover for the children, but the household income would be a lot higher.

They aren’t married. OP has made no mention of their career being impacted though. Plus with the DP’s attitude then l wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to get compensated-hilarious as she cared for their young children and paid for it 😵‍💫

I didnt want to.who does? Theres more money in the pot now for holidays as dh earns well.

OP, you say DP so assuming you aren’t married. If you haven’t please ensure you have a legal financial arrangement with him if you are paying more in the house.

for what’s worth, I’d work full time and max my earnings for future proofing. Particularly as you aren’t married. He can step up and do more life stuffs.

I agree with you, in my marriage all money is ours also.
The fact that my husband has been the only breadwinner at times, I was a SAHM till son started junior school, and then I worked part time, and retired early, has never been an issue.

In return I have done the majority of house and childcare, so I have never felt beholden to him financially; all the money has been put into one pot, which I have overseen over the years.