AIBU to be shocked my sister's friends have completely frozen her out after affair?

[Yogarunningcoffee]

My sister very stupidly has had an affair and been found out. Her husband is understandably devastated and has started divorce proceedings.

Since the affair came to light, my sister’s friends have completely frozen her out - there has been no contact at all from any of the women she was friends with.

DSis moved away when she met her husband, and as a result all of her friends are people she met through him. They all seemed to be really close and spent huge amounts of time together including going away on holiday etc.

I do understand that she’s done wrong but AIBU to be quite shocked at how quickly she has been dropped by seemingly close friends ?! She doesn’t have any other friends in the area and I’m really worried that she’s completely isolated whilst in a bad way mentally.

Of course they have; I assume the vast majority are probably DH friends partners? In which case, they’ll all be rallying around him right now. Your sister has made her bed.

all of her friends are people she met through him.

I think you have your answer right there.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

I'm afraid you won't get much sympathy on this forum for this situation. All you can do is support her as best you can

You cannot be serious. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near your sister either.

So she quite literally fucked around and has now been found out?

He was their friend first. She hurt him - do you really expect them to pick her over him.

Sympathy you will find in the dictionary between shit and syphillis.

No, I’m not surprised by this because they weren’t really “her” friends. They were his friends, she met them through him etc.

Would be different if it was her childhood friends for example but it’s not. They are circumstantial mates contingent on the mutual link, her husband.

Their loyalty lies with her husband who was their friend first. Presumably they're devastated she has done this to him so of course they're going to pick him over her. What did she really expect?

She shouldn't have cheated then

Fuck around and find out. Of course if she met them though him they’ll support him first.

They sound like they might actually be his friends....

Does the affair partner have any friends she could hang out with?

They're his friends and they're loyal to their friend who got cheated on.

You're surprised they don't want to be friends with a cheating spouse? Really? Think about that for a minute.

She doesn’t have any other friends in the area and I’m really worried that she’s completely isolated whilst in a bad way mentally.

I mean, this is where family (you) step in.

You’re the people who are supposed to love her unconditionally and support her even if you don’t agree with her actions. You can’t expect that from friends, usually if a friend is strongly against your behaviour they distance themselves

Nobody could be this stupid..............

This- all of her friends are people she met through him.

And... if the friendship group is quite enmeshed as couples then they wont be keeping her around with her new fella as its salt in the wound for their friend- her exhd

I can understand your worrying about her, of course. But agree with the others that if they were more his friends than hers, then it’s quite natural for this to happen, as tough as that is for her. Would she consider moving closer to you and older friends? Depends if there are kids involved I guess.

I had a friend who did this- an old friend. I remained in her life and we’re still friends now. I made it clear to her that I didn’t approve of what she’d done (although her husband was an abusive arsehole so it wasn’t really a clear cut ‘right and wrong’ situation in my eyes). But overall I think old friends or friends from childhood would be more likely to be able to maintain a friendship with someone who had done this.

Well, they’ve just found out she’s monumentally selfish- not exactly a trait anyone wants in a friend.

You're surprised? I'm surprised that you're surprised.

What a surprise they don’t want to be friends with a cheater. Good on them for having morals which your sis didn’t.

Actions have consequences. I wouldn’t expect anything different.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that was capable of an affair. It says a lot about their character.

I mean they were his friends first and he's the injured party on top of it so I don't know why it's a shock to either of you 💁

If you don’t want to be with someone break up with them and then move on, don’t have an affair.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who does that, not the sort of person I would rally around at all.
she knew she was wrong having an affair, so now this is part of the natural consequences.