AIBU to be shocked my sister's friends have completely frozen her out after affair?

[Yogarunningcoffee]

My sister very stupidly has had an affair and been found out. Her husband is understandably devastated and has started divorce proceedings.

Since the affair came to light, my sister’s friends have completely frozen her out - there has been no contact at all from any of the women she was friends with.

DSis moved away when she met her husband, and as a result all of her friends are people she met through him. They all seemed to be really close and spent huge amounts of time together including going away on holiday etc.

I do understand that she’s done wrong but AIBU to be quite shocked at how quickly she has been dropped by seemingly close friends ?! She doesn’t have any other friends in the area and I’m really worried that she’s completely isolated whilst in a bad way mentally.

Why do you think the judgement is to do with her gender?

There is never an excuse to cheat. Ever.

It’s also fundamentally untrue to say it is always the fault of two people when a marriage fails.

I'm afraid if you have to ask the question OP you have the same low morals as your Dsis

Good for them

You don’t ‘stupidly’ have an affair. If there are children involved in either marriage, you are making a decision to destroy a family.

I’m more appalled that you seem to suggest that women are emotional creatures, incapable of making rational moral decisions.

If this was the other way around would you be suggesting she explores why her husband has been sleeping with another woman before she starts divorce proceedings.

And all this “mistake” stuff mystifies me. A one off drunken snog at the Christmas party is a mistake. An extended affair is a conscious moral choice.

I’m suggesting nothing of the kind.

That's ridiculous. OP hasn't had an affair. She's trying to look out for her sister.

Rubbish.

Imagine someone declares they vote Reform. That.

How is that a problem?

I’m not judge and jury in anyone’s relationship- it’s none of my business.

have they split? If they have I’d be asking her to move nearer to me. If they are working on it the ‘friends’ are v short sighted.

honestly, I have been the friend who judged, and also been the friend who tried to be supportive of a friend through this difficult period.

The older I get, the more I lean to the latter, and I am no longer so black and white. I recognize that good people can make bad decisions.

Of course, in this instance, it sounds like they were his friends and this would have happened no matter how the relationship ended. This isn't helpful to you or her, but this is a temporary phase and should be recognized as such.

It will take time, but she will rebuild her life. She made some questionable choices and now she is having to deal with the consequences, but hopefully lessons will be learnt along the way.

I am wishing you strength, as her sister, in supporting her through this.

That’s ridiculous.

Well, it clearly doesn't stop people from voting Reform, does it?

Why are you surprised by this? For starters she met the friends through her husband so of course they’re going to side with him!

I realise life isn’t black and white so I’d take it case by case with friends, I wouldn’t automatically freeze them out for an affair. I did once though but only because we were early 20s and she was shagging her married boss who was a good 16/17 years older and had a young child. The child was the sticking point for me, I just couldn’t hack the idea of their life being turned upside down by my friend’s bit of fun.

No, but if you want to cut them off or ignore them because they’re voting Reform (or voting whoever), you are entitled to do that. This is getting a bit off-topic, but my point is, I think people are entitled to move away from friends or family whose views or lifestyles they don’t agree with. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

What about the men and women who choose to stay and repair their marriage are they wrong?

The op isn't returning why would she so it doesn't matter. She doesn't care about the thread she started. I disowned my family because they joined reform. They said nothing to me about it and I felt like they were taking the piss out of me and my family.

"It's amazing how much leftist discourse is just them pretending not to understand things"

I can’t see the problem in no longer seeing people whose opinions or politics you don’t agree with. And I don’t think it’s exclusive to leftwing voters either.

No, that’s up to them, but I also wouldn’t criticise anyone who goes straight to divorce without further discussion.

No, she’s saying that she loves her sister whether she approves of her behaviour or not. That’s just family.

Yes, you can't see the problem. That is the problem. You advocate for silo-ing yourself off with people who see the world exactly as you do, while calling those who don't evil or hateful. You believe you have a monopoly on truth and being right, and refuse to hear contradictory evidence or alternative viewpoints. Shunning, in other words. Well done, you.

No, I don’t advocate that at all. I am sorry that my post gave that impression, although I can’t see how it did!

In my job, I communicate every day with loads of people from different backgrounds who all have different opinions and political beliefs, and I always respect their opinions and listen carefully to what they have to say. Also, several of my closest friends vote Reform. I really enjoy discussing politics with them, and we do it politely and respectfully, and are genuinely interested in each other’s views.

However, I also don’t see the problem in no longer spending time with people whose opinions or beliefs you don’t agree with. For example, I had an aunt who was very racist and xenophobic, so I chose not to talk about politics with her and I saw her less and less.

What happens if your dh doesnt want to end the marriage?

I think that a lot of women want out of the marriage and the only way to do so is have an affair.
In this case I think the dh staying married to her is either controlling or thoughtless

Interested to know what he thinks their social life is going to be like in the future

Or is he thinking that he will go out with his mates, go on holiday with them and wife will stay at home on her own.