AIBU to be shocked my sister's friends have completely frozen her out after affair?

[Yogarunningcoffee]

My sister very stupidly has had an affair and been found out. Her husband is understandably devastated and has started divorce proceedings.

Since the affair came to light, my sister’s friends have completely frozen her out - there has been no contact at all from any of the women she was friends with.

DSis moved away when she met her husband, and as a result all of her friends are people she met through him. They all seemed to be really close and spent huge amounts of time together including going away on holiday etc.

I do understand that she’s done wrong but AIBU to be quite shocked at how quickly she has been dropped by seemingly close friends ?! She doesn’t have any other friends in the area and I’m really worried that she’s completely isolated whilst in a bad way mentally.

same thing happened to me when I cheated on my husband. True friends shouldn’t judge and are your friends no matter what. What happens in a marriage is no one else’s business as far as I’m concerned, and affairs are more complicated than they seem, I have sympathy for your dsis.

@Yogarunningcoffee "DSis moved away when she met her husband, and as a result all of her friends are people she met through him."

So there's your answer right there. They were his friends and she royally did the dirty on him. I fail to see why you're so shocked. Upset yes, but shocked? As for failing to make her own social circle, she certainly managed to find an affair partner! Was it someone known to this group of friends?

Do people really ditch friends for cheating? That seems a bit judgey. Obviously in this situation it's because they are his friends but I'm surprised people will say no-one wants to be friends with a cheater.

So if a friend who had been wonderful to you cheated on their partner, in a marriage where you only knew what they showed you, you would drop them?

God, me and ex h had a couple of friends like that, one who I knew before him, but she and dh did a hobby together.

”I’ll never speak to the bastard again!”

I told to grow up. There were private parts of my marriage she knew nothing about. Yes, he should have left me first and having an affair wasn’t the nicest thing, but we’ve all ended up much happier. You never know what’s going on in someone’s private life.

I agree with PP’s that it sound as if they were his friends first so they’re being loyal to him.

Also, did she ever use them as cover to see her affair partner, I.e., pretend that she was out with them when she was actually seeing him? This happened to me years ago and I was very upset with my friend for using me as her cover. She even invented trips away with me so she could be with him. I just couldn’t trust her after that and our friendship fizzled out.

Is there nothing a friend could do that would be so repugnant that you would consider dropping them? Repeated drunk-driving?

She's got the bloke she cheated on him with. She will be fine

If you've shown you'll betray someone you care about, of course other people who care about you might reassess how much they trust you.

All these people seemed so close to your Dsis because they welcomed her for her DH sake, they were pleased to see him happy. They probably liked her for herself too but she's blown that with the affair.

Youll have to be there for her. Sounds like they are his friends too and they are doing the right thing to back him up imo. Hope he recovers from this.

They were his friends first, of course they will side with him.

Ermm no.

So you’re saying that someone could kill someone or rape someone and your friends shouldn’t judge?

Fuck that.

You cheat on your partner and I am absolutely judging you and I’d likely fall out with you too, especially if your partner was my actual friend.

I don’t like to be friends with people whose morals don’t align with mine.
You obviously don’t have any morals.

@CrescentMoonLanding @TottenhamCake Tbf, I wouldn’t have dropped my close friend if she hadn’t been using me as her cover story, we’d had a great friendship until then. Realizing that I’d been used was horrible though.

Plus she was my friend, I didn’t meet her through her DH.

They are supporting your devastated brother in law. They are his friends, that is what friends do. You support your sister.

I wouldn’t tie all my friendships ti my marriage and then be shocked when I lost them as a result of cheating on that marriage!

Just to be incredibly blunt!

She deserves everything she gets. Mind you, I’m a bitter old bastard.

I think you’ve answered your own question. They were initially his friends so understandably will remain friends with him.
Secondly lots of people wouldn’t want to be friends with someone willing to lie and deceive.

Agree, I have also been in this situation and we all stood by the (long time) friend even though we also made clear we did not agree with the behaviour at all, in fact we were instrumental in getting her to make things right. But these are clearly his friends more than hers and he is the one wronged and devastated.

Anyone else think op is the on thats had the affair, and says its her sister.

I'm not sure why you're beating the same drum over and over again but is it really that hard for you to understand that not everyone wants to forgive and be friends with their exes who cheat?

It's very much giving "cool wife, not like other girls". To me that's a bit sad rather than people having different standards to you.

They were his friends first and I imagine many adult women have experienced the extra pain that breakups from cheating bring. Would she go for their husbands too? Sorry but your sister made her choice.

Wow people take this really personally. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her” - really? Are you worried it’s contagious?

I wouldn’t particularly care if my pal had been cheating on her husband. Its between them. None of my business.

Given they were his friends first are you (or she) really that surprised?!

I stopped a friendship because they were the affair partner (she was single he was married) and her casual remarks and trying to justify it about especially given there were children involved.
I didn't want to continue any friendship with such a rubbish moral compass. Her friends are probably similar.

She can come back to where her school friends are if they are still there and start from scratch....orrrrrr ....does she plan to marry the cheat guy after the divorce is finalised ??

Whats that saying... fuck around and find out. Literally.