AIBU to think a toddler should be allowed to sit while healthy adults stand?

[Thegoldenoriole]

Tldr: should toddlers stand while healthy adults sit on trains?

On the tube today, I boarded holding our 2yo DD by the hand, DH had pushchair and baby in the sling. It’s busy (South Kensington museums on a Sunday afternoon) so we didn’t get a seat. No drama, I manoeuvred DD down the carriage towards a pole and tell her to hold on to that and my hand and we travel one stop reasonably well wedged in. DH is half way down the carriage with a lot of people between us.

At the next stop, the seat in front of us opened up so I helped DD to climb up. NB: it was one of the fold up seats designated for a wheelchair user if someone needs it. However, no wheelchair present and the other two fold up seats had healthy young adults sitting in them.
DD had just got settled when a man says, very loudly, “would you like that seat?” looking behind him but pointing at my 2yo. I say hang on, she’s sitting there, he says something like “she can stand up, it’s for disabled people” I said “well she can stand but she might fall over” and he got huffy and said his leg hurt. Totally coincidentally, I’ve currently got a mildly sprained knee so just blurted out “well I’ve got a sore leg too!” and he said “well why don’t you sit down then?” so I did and put DD on my lap and he stormed down the carriage saying he was just trying to offer a seat to a lady.
I would absolutely have moved DD if a wheelchair user had boarded, requiring the full length of the fold up seated area. But AIBU to think that a healthy adult should be asked to move from a seat before a young child?
Just to preempt the question “why not keep DD in the push chair?” we had taken her out to help us get down the steps and walked straight onto the train. I have no real problem with her standing, it was more that it felt very much as though he was deliberately picking on the toddler sitting down, especially given he did not ask either of the other adults on fold up seats to move. But he was so self-righteous I’ve been left wondering whether this is some etiquette I’ve never absorbed, despite living in London for 10 years before having DD!

I’d expect a toddler to be carried or sat on a knee rather than have a seat to themselves if other adults were standing.

Even though I wasn’t sitting? We weren’t taking up two seats.

Why didn’t you put her in the pushchair, rather than expecting someone to give her their seat?!

READ THE OP

I explained this in the post, literally to preempt this question 🤦‍♀️😅 I also didn’t expect anyone to give up their seat. I’m asking whether a toddler should be expected to give up the seat they are sitting in when a healthy adult is sitting right next to them.

I think toddlers should be priority over healthy adults yes. Because their strength to hold the pole in case of sudden breaking is much less than ours, and they’re more likely to fall over at a sudden stop. That bloke sounds an arsehole.

Yes, kid in the push chair. You had a seat for her right there.

I would have expected her to be on an adult’s lap, so that less space was taken up by standing adults, as even that amount of space can be at a premium! Also nicer for the child and, one hopes, the parent.

I always more so kids can sit down. People are so weird about children daring to sit on buses and trains.

You explained why you’d taken her out, not what stopped you putting her back in!

Yup.. no way would I put a two year old on a seat to herself unless there were other seats free. Sorry.

Seems unfair both to take up space with an unfolded pushchair AND let your DC take a chair on a busy tube train.

That said, I would always offer a seat to someone carrying a small child.

It wasn’t very crowded with standing room at that point, there was plenty of space to stand by then. DD was in a bit of a grump by then after a long day and didn’t want to sit on my lap - as she made very clear for the next ten minutes!

This is a weird post. Why didn’t you sit down and hold her on your lap?

Unless you had folded it you should have put her in the wheelchair. How do you know the other adults using the chairs were "healthy"? I don't use a wheelchair but I can't stand up on a train.

I hate families who take up space with an empty pushchair and then went a seat for the child who should be in the pushchair.

Either fold the pushchair or put the kid in it.

But there is also an element of misogyny the seat hunting man targeted a small child and mother. Bet there were youngish blokes in priority seats that didn't get asked.

Yes I do get that, and in less of a rush we would have got DD back in the chair. This man definitely couldn’t see my DH at the point he told DD to move though, so that wasn’t his issue!

I agree with you OP. You only had one seat between you either way - whether she was on your lap or you were standing.

Toddlers do find it difficult to balance on the tube.

Some men like to pick on women with children I think. I bet he’d have said nothing if your DH had been with you!

When I was a child we were expected to stand up to allow adults to sit. Now I'm an adult I'm expected to stand so children can sit.

When is it my turn to get a seat?

I don’t, but neither did he. He made an assumption about a toddler over the young adults next to her.

I would have sat down and put her in my lap in the first place.
You need to teach her to sit on your lap for further trips. If someone more needy needed the seat then what would you have done?

The man didn't seem sure about whether he needed it himself due to a bad leg or was trying to get for someone else.

Don't give this a second thought, OP - you were fine. I live in London - I often give up my seat for small kids and if DD and I are travelling without the buggy, I always let her sit down and I stand infront of her, so we are effectively still only taking up one seat between us. Of course he didnt ask anyone else to move because he was probably too scared of the response he might get. Its the same as all the men sat looking at their phones when someone pregnant gets on - 90% of the time it ends up being a woman giving up their seat in the middle of the carriage rather than the bloke in the priority seat.

I would prefer to see a toddler sat down . Indeed all young children ought to get seats as priority

But YABVVU to assume you know whether or not someone is healthy just by looking at them

Invisible disabilities can be profoundly disabling. Last time I got the tube I looked well but after standing for 10 minutes I had lost the ability to see safely or speak /swallow . Now I take a stick with me to render my disability "visible". Even though I don't really need a stick.

Well you can’t tell if somebody is a healthy adult by looking at them. I can’t stand on a train due to disability. You wouldn’t know that by looking at me.

Although I agree it is a bit much for a toddler to stand on the tube.