AIBU to think a toddler should be allowed to sit while healthy adults stand?

[Thegoldenoriole]

Tldr: should toddlers stand while healthy adults sit on trains?

On the tube today, I boarded holding our 2yo DD by the hand, DH had pushchair and baby in the sling. It’s busy (South Kensington museums on a Sunday afternoon) so we didn’t get a seat. No drama, I manoeuvred DD down the carriage towards a pole and tell her to hold on to that and my hand and we travel one stop reasonably well wedged in. DH is half way down the carriage with a lot of people between us.

At the next stop, the seat in front of us opened up so I helped DD to climb up. NB: it was one of the fold up seats designated for a wheelchair user if someone needs it. However, no wheelchair present and the other two fold up seats had healthy young adults sitting in them.
DD had just got settled when a man says, very loudly, “would you like that seat?” looking behind him but pointing at my 2yo. I say hang on, she’s sitting there, he says something like “she can stand up, it’s for disabled people” I said “well she can stand but she might fall over” and he got huffy and said his leg hurt. Totally coincidentally, I’ve currently got a mildly sprained knee so just blurted out “well I’ve got a sore leg too!” and he said “well why don’t you sit down then?” so I did and put DD on my lap and he stormed down the carriage saying he was just trying to offer a seat to a lady.
I would absolutely have moved DD if a wheelchair user had boarded, requiring the full length of the fold up seated area. But AIBU to think that a healthy adult should be asked to move from a seat before a young child?
Just to preempt the question “why not keep DD in the push chair?” we had taken her out to help us get down the steps and walked straight onto the train. I have no real problem with her standing, it was more that it felt very much as though he was deliberately picking on the toddler sitting down, especially given he did not ask either of the other adults on fold up seats to move. But he was so self-righteous I’ve been left wondering whether this is some etiquette I’ve never absorbed, despite living in London for 10 years before having DD!

You actively chose “wobbling down the carriage” rather than just putting her in the pushchair when you first got on, no?

Since when do toddlers wants come into it? She's 2, you do what's reasonable, no whatever she ~the tiny tyrant~ wants.

I don’t understand, did the man want the seat for himself or for someone else?

It was full enough that DH didn’t try to get the pushchair down to us and you had to move around people to walk down the carriage. It wasn’t northern line at rush hour where every square inch counts - we got on easily enough. If it had been that crushed I would have sat with her in the first place.

I've traveled solo with multiple young kids. I'd have got on with the pushchair and put the toddler straight in it. That would be her seat. Or I'd have sat with her on my lap. Either of those is safer than her sitting by herself on a seat. Too bad if she didn't want to sit on my lap. On the tube, she does what she's told for her safety.

You are also massively unreasonable to assume young people in those seats are healthy young people. There are plenty of hidden disabilities and my 20 year old son has learned to ask for a seat he needs more than almost anyone.

Umm yes, I did make her sit on my lap. She spent the next ten minutes trying to roll off and crawl on the floor underneath people. It would have been much easier for me to stand and it wasn’t so busy that one extra standing person caused a problem.

On the fence about this one.

generally, I’d say adults first. Kids can either stand or sit on parents lap.

OP - I think he wouldn’t have said anything if your daughter was on your lap.

but I’d never turf a toddler out of a seat. As you say, I’d ask an healthy adult first.

Another reason strapping her into her pushchair as soon as you boarded would have been safer.

So totally convinced you weren’t the problem…

Your guess is as good as mine 😂 that’s part of why I think he was just trying to prove a point.

No they were not. Look at the papers and media reporting from the time. You had the same complaints about kids and teens then as you do now. But it was TV and video games on the new consoles that were going to cause the downfall of society back then.

Looking at a time where we treated some of the most vulnerable in society poorly with fondness is not great.

It wasn't until 1987 that seatbelts were mandatory. It was common to chain smoke 60 a day round kids in enclosed spaces back in the 80s and 90s. It wasn't until 1991 that we started taking safe sleep seriously to reduce SIDs (for death).

We're talking about an unstable toddler, who is already sitting down. Not a tween or teen. Yikes.

Yes. You should have sat down and put your child on your knee or held them. That would have reduced space and been the sensible (and polite answer),

A child taking up the seat of an adult is so rude.

What problem do you think there was?

Given the tube was going to be busy, and you knew it was going to be busy, couldn't you just have put DD in the pushchair on the platform and got the next tube just a few minutes later?

It's London, only the crazies speak to you on the tube in London! I'd think no more about it.
Makes no difference if your daughter was sat on the chair or on your lap and tbh, having her sit on the chair is fine as tubes really can lunge and rock on some bits. You've already said nobody else looked like they were in need so all is fine.

Yes tbh I agree with this and will aim to do that in future. However this man didn’t know we had a pushchair, so that wasn’t his issue. He was just telling a toddler to stand. I’m asking if that is reasonable when other adults are around.

The glares we get sometimes because one of my children is disabled and needs to sit or be held up firmly by an adult.

I would always give up a seat for a child.

Oh give over. With a comment like that you clearly didn't.

Any time you’re closest to one which comes available I guess? No one is expecting you to give your seat up for a child.

Live and learn. Don't sweat it.

However please don't assume that young people don't have disabilities because they look healthy.

We needed one branch of the district line so it would have been more like 15 minutes later. So perhaps, but rushing onto the tube is a fairly ingrained habit!

😂 we also picked up a sense of humour on the way, you should try one on for size.

I’ve addressed this point a few times now 😊

Same.

Same age/ generation as you. Not sure where you've said anything funny. Care to explain the joke?