AIBU to think a toddler should be allowed to sit while healthy adults stand?

[Thegoldenoriole]

Tldr: should toddlers stand while healthy adults sit on trains?

On the tube today, I boarded holding our 2yo DD by the hand, DH had pushchair and baby in the sling. It’s busy (South Kensington museums on a Sunday afternoon) so we didn’t get a seat. No drama, I manoeuvred DD down the carriage towards a pole and tell her to hold on to that and my hand and we travel one stop reasonably well wedged in. DH is half way down the carriage with a lot of people between us.

At the next stop, the seat in front of us opened up so I helped DD to climb up. NB: it was one of the fold up seats designated for a wheelchair user if someone needs it. However, no wheelchair present and the other two fold up seats had healthy young adults sitting in them.
DD had just got settled when a man says, very loudly, “would you like that seat?” looking behind him but pointing at my 2yo. I say hang on, she’s sitting there, he says something like “she can stand up, it’s for disabled people” I said “well she can stand but she might fall over” and he got huffy and said his leg hurt. Totally coincidentally, I’ve currently got a mildly sprained knee so just blurted out “well I’ve got a sore leg too!” and he said “well why don’t you sit down then?” so I did and put DD on my lap and he stormed down the carriage saying he was just trying to offer a seat to a lady.
I would absolutely have moved DD if a wheelchair user had boarded, requiring the full length of the fold up seated area. But AIBU to think that a healthy adult should be asked to move from a seat before a young child?
Just to preempt the question “why not keep DD in the push chair?” we had taken her out to help us get down the steps and walked straight onto the train. I have no real problem with her standing, it was more that it felt very much as though he was deliberately picking on the toddler sitting down, especially given he did not ask either of the other adults on fold up seats to move. But he was so self-righteous I’ve been left wondering whether this is some etiquette I’ve never absorbed, despite living in London for 10 years before having DD!

It was a busy carriage and my husband was several metres behind us. We had gone a fair way down to find a secure spot to stand when we first got on. Then the seat in front of us cleared and it was easier to put her on it than get back through the crowd to DH, and then deal with strapping her in.

Nope toddlers go on knees. Older children stand do adults can sit.

Bloke was an asshole & I bet he would’ve kept his mouth shut if your husband was standing next to you. Bully.

She was grumpy after a long day and didn’t want to sit on my lap - as she proceeded to make very clear!

Given it's unlikely the toddler would've paid for their ticket unlike the adult, then yes.

Also, you have no idea which adult passengers and healthy/unhealthy anyway.

I could have written this!! Very good point imo!!

So how do you know they are healthy?

Right?? I’m wondering how many of the people voting unreasonable have not bothered to read the post properly 🙄😂

No, we read it. We just disagree with you that she couldn't go on your lap or the push chair. The entitlement is strong here.

But neither did he! He chose to make an assumption and target a 2yo over the young adults right next to her.

I'm somewhere in between

I am old and tired and need to sit down. Sorry if I saw a two year old, I would not give up my seat. At best, i'd allow them to lean on me if the mum asked/child wanted

But if a seat became spare, the baby absolutely should be allowed to sit down! Where it would be an issue is if you were sat next to her on the packed carriage - then you should put the baby on your lap

Taking dd on the tube, ive been in the same situation. I am grateful though for the men who give up a seat so my dd can sit down

Anyway, yanbu that man is a miserable bellend x

Could you stand safely when you were a child? If not the adult expecting you to give up your seat to them were clearly arseholes. Is the pain suffered by a 2 year old being flung halfway down the carriage when they lose their footing any less to that of an elderly person? Is watching a 2 year old get hurt ok?

People are weird OP.

I don’t think a 2yo is entitled to a seat. I do think that when looking at a row of apparently healthy people, it is unreasonable to pick on the toddler as the one who must be made to move. If he had said “would anyone be able to give up their seat please” I would have moved her if neither of the others had budged.

YANBU, Most decent people do not expect young children to stand on the tube as they just get thrown around and get crushed because people don’t see them. While a few journeys are long, most tube journeys are quite short and most mobile healthy people do not really mind standing. Last time I was on the tube, a family with 3 young children got on and everybody stood up so they could all sit down together. My husband and I are in our early 70s but we are still fit and healthy. We are at an age where people often offer us seats but we would both stand up for young children on the tube. My husband very often stands for other people on the tube because he is tall and has no problem holding on to the high rail/handles that are there.
I think the tube is different to a train. I don’t like standing on long journeys so,I am not quite so eager to offer my seat. On long train journeys people have the facility to book seats.

Thanks! I am genuinely amazed the vote is so skewed YABU - even before I had kids I would have stood to let a little child sit. It would certainly never have occurred to me to bark at a toddler to move when plenty of other adults could stand.

His reaction sounds odd, unless he needed the seat and was unable to sit in the available seat. YANBU.
On the tube it is better safety-wise if a toddler sits down, they are so little they are vulnerable.
Don’t worry about it OP. I wonder if the man initially meant well ie to leave the correct seat free should a disabled person get on, but it just made things complicated when there was no need.

I would rather stand so my DC could have a seat when they were that young, easier than trying to keep them upright when they are too young to hold on to the pole properly.
Obviously I would have told them to move if an adult came on who needed the seat more

YANBU, expecting a small child to stand on the tube while youngish adults are sitting down is crazy. The last thing anyone needs is unstable toddler-sized missiles flying around!

That said, I do make my 8yo stand if anyone needs a seat. They can choose to sit cross-legged on the floor in the corner though if they want (assuming the tube isn't absolutely rammed) which most adults would be reluctant to do.

To clarify: I didn’t expect anyone to give up their seat. I totally get being knackered on the tube! But there is a world of difference between giving up your seat for a toddler and demanding the particular seat a toddler is sitting on.

😄😄 thats the great thing about london, just pure nutters about

100% this. Ignore the crazies OP (on the tube and on here!)

I would absolutely have moved DD if a wheelchair user had boarded, requiring the full length of the fold up seated area. But AIBU to think that a healthy adult should be asked to move from a seat before a young child?
@Thegoldenoriole

How do you know if an adult is "healthy"?

There's a whole spectrum of ableness between a wheelchair user and a healthy looking adult.

Agree entirely.

We’ve read the bloody op.
You have offered no valid explanation as to why you couldn’t have returned the child to her buggy.
Wandering “several metres” away from your husband and buggy makes little sense. Wander back again 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, we moved out when I was pregnant with DD and today definitely reminded me why! 🤣