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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being a bit shocked by my new neighbour

202 replies

Overnightoats1 · 10/05/2026 20:25

For a bit of background- we are currently doing some building work on our house and our soon to be new neighbour has knocked down the old house next door and is busy building a brand new house on the plot . We are still living in ours and he isn't until it's built . He is about 65-70 years old and has been very friendly and popped over a few times to compare building progress and on occasion I've offered him a cup of tea. He has mostly popped over when DH has been at work as that's when the builders are there. He has always hugged me a bit too tightly when he said hello -(me -45 yo mum of 3) but I put it down to being friendly and perhaps cultural differences..I took in a parcel for his builders on Friday after his builders had left and texted him to let him know I had his parcel and would give it to his builders on Monday. Saturday morning early - I get a knock on the door and he is there to get his parcel - but then he went to give me a hug and squeezed my bottom tightly .. I jumped back in shock and he pretended like nothing had happened. I feel really uncomfortable now but don't know how to play it from here.. AIBU to address it with him when I see him next or just try and avoid him.. I obviously don't want to sour neighbourly relations before they have even moved in and he is super friendly-could it have been an innocent mistake? Any advice would be appreciated.. ps: I've told DH who asked if I wanted him to speak to him but I'm not sure..

OP posts:
OnceUponATimed · 10/05/2026 20:28

I have never in my life hugged a neighbour.

Mwnci123 · 10/05/2026 20:31

It wasn't an innocent mistake. Sorry about this OP- stressful for you. At the very least, don't take parcels, don't be friendly- strict boundaries with this man.

emuloc · 10/05/2026 20:32

Why have you got his phone number? It all sounds a bit much.

Lavender14 · 10/05/2026 20:32

Yeah there's been zero reason for him to hug you at all. It sounds like he's been gradually testing the boundaries to see how far he can get.

What I would say is that you're best standing up for yourself and being direct in these situations. I wouldn't really be comfortable having him in the house especially when your dh isn't home. I'd greet him at the door and that would be as far as he gets. If he does anything else inappropriate I think you call him out immediately.

If things get sour that will be his doing. I'd much rather have a long arm sour relationship with a creepy neighbour than an uncomfortable one where you're tip toeing around him.

I'd get a ring doorbell for your front and back if it's not secured. You will need very strict boundaries with him going forward. In fact from now on I'd say that dealing with him is now a dh job.

Growlybear83 · 10/05/2026 20:38

emuloc · 10/05/2026 20:32

Why have you got his phone number? It all sounds a bit much.

I can’t think of any neighbour in the 50 years since I left home who I haven’t exchanged phone numbers with - surely it’s something thst most people do?

DragonsFurry · 10/05/2026 20:41

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youalright · 10/05/2026 20:43

You don't need to discuss anything with him he's a pervy old man delete his number, don't take any more parcels in and if he knocks ignore it. Also tell your husband and get a ring doorbell

youalright · 10/05/2026 20:44

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I do loads of old men are like this

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 20:45

Avoid him. Just wave from a far to say hi, but stay well clear of him.

Ritaskitchen · 10/05/2026 20:46

It’s not an innocent mistake. My DM used to work on a geriatric ward. Incontinent, dribbling old men. She still got it on, squeezed etc.
Do not go round there again.

Ritaskitchen · 10/05/2026 20:46

Sorry I misread. Don’t answer the door to him.

TheGreatDownandOut · 10/05/2026 20:48

youalright · 10/05/2026 20:44

I do loads of old men are like this

More like lots of men are like this!

OP you need to avoid him at all costs. If you let this go and carry on with your friendly neighbourly behaviour, he will do something worse next time to see what he can get away with. Totally inappropriate.

EmeraldRoulette · 10/05/2026 20:51

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Why is it ridiculous?

@Overnightoats1 I had a neighbour like this in my old building. I had to have words with him. He didn't have my phone number, though. I definitely wouldn't give a random bloke my phone number.

I was reluctant to join the WhatsApp group in my current building! I think people are more aware here. I don't take parcels in for male neighbours usually. The one time I did it, the young man actually asked if we could meet by the door for me to hand it over - hopefully very sensible and aware of this kind of thing

I would definitely ask your DH to have a word with him - I don't have this option but it tends to be the quickest way to get rid of pervy blokes.

Happyjoe · 10/05/2026 20:52

Someone roughly the same age as your neighbour was shocked when I told him squeezing or patting bottoms isn't acceptable anymore. He asked me 'well, how is a woman supposed to know I like them?'.

Different times he grew up with, he needs to learn this rubbish is unwanted (probably always was to be fair) and to stop. I'd just avoid him, no more cuppas, if have to talk about the houses, fine but no other chat and all done on the doorstep. Eeek, sorry, awkward.

EmeraldRoulette · 10/05/2026 20:52

@Overnightoats1 oh and don't ever excuse this kind of shitty behaviour as "cultural differences". Men know damn fine what appropriate behaviour is.

ImFinePMSL · 10/05/2026 20:54

Growlybear83 · 10/05/2026 20:38

I can’t think of any neighbour in the 50 years since I left home who I haven’t exchanged phone numbers with - surely it’s something thst most people do?

I’ve never had a neighbour’s phone number and I’ve lived in 5 different houses as an adult.

AgentPidge · 10/05/2026 20:55

He is pushing the boundaries to see how far he can go. How do you accidentally and innocently squeeze someone's bottom hard? Don't let him hug you, and stop giving him cups of tea - he can bring a flask- because it will only encourage him to push it with you. Don't be afraid of upsetting him - he started it and he knows exactly what he's doing and that it makes you uncomfortable. At least I imagine he does, but if you told him -"Stop that! I'm not a hugger" then he would know for sure.

MustardGlass · 10/05/2026 20:55

He crossed a boundary there is no excuse for. Cold as fucking polite ice from now on. See him walking up - My husband will be here on such and such day, come back then. Complete fucking ice wall. But I have zero tolerance for creepiness from anyone. If he gets stroppy and demands answers like he’s not done anything wrong look him straight in the eyes and say you squeezed my arse and we are not friends, you are not welcome here.

Giraffeandthedog · 10/05/2026 20:57

Happyjoe · 10/05/2026 20:52

Someone roughly the same age as your neighbour was shocked when I told him squeezing or patting bottoms isn't acceptable anymore. He asked me 'well, how is a woman supposed to know I like them?'.

Different times he grew up with, he needs to learn this rubbish is unwanted (probably always was to be fair) and to stop. I'd just avoid him, no more cuppas, if have to talk about the houses, fine but no other chat and all done on the doorstep. Eeek, sorry, awkward.

He wasn’t shocked, he was pretending to be.

There has been plenty of time for him to learn that that behaviour is not acceptable.

pinkyredrose · 10/05/2026 20:57

Of course it wasn't a mistake, he didn't accidentally touch your arse did he, he knows where it is ffs.

I'd ignore the fucker and if he talks to you tell him why.

ChocHotolate · 10/05/2026 20:57

He is testing your boundaries.
I will undoubtedly get a pile on for this, but something seems to remove inhibitions amongst some older men, pervy creepy behaviour is far from unheard of from them.
Stay away from him.

MustardGlass · 10/05/2026 20:58

ImFinePMSL · 10/05/2026 20:54

I’ve never had a neighbour’s phone number and I’ve lived in 5 different houses as an adult.

We have phone numbers for almost all close neighbours, will txt each other in emergencies or when we are going on holidays.

keepswimming38 · 10/05/2026 20:59

Are you overly huggy and friendly op? He’s misinterpreted your behaviour maybe?

LovelyAnd · 10/05/2026 20:59

There is no culture in which patting the bottom of a neighbour you barely know constitutes a polite ‘hello’.

ImFinePMSL · 10/05/2026 21:01

MustardGlass · 10/05/2026 20:58

We have phone numbers for almost all close neighbours, will txt each other in emergencies or when we are going on holidays.

I’ve never felt the need to tell neighbours I’m going on holiday. And vice versa they’ve never told me.

Never been in an emergency that involves my neighbours either.