For being a bit shocked by my new neighbour

[Overnightoats1]

For a bit of background- we are currently doing some building work on our house and our soon to be new neighbour has knocked down the old house next door and is busy building a brand new house on the plot . We are still living in ours and he isn't until it's built . He is about 65-70 years old and has been very friendly and popped over a few times to compare building progress and on occasion I've offered him a cup of tea. He has mostly popped over when DH has been at work as that's when the builders are there. He has always hugged me a bit too tightly when he said hello -(me -45 yo mum of 3) but I put it down to being friendly and perhaps cultural differences..I took in a parcel for his builders on Friday after his builders had left and texted him to let him know I had his parcel and would give it to his builders on Monday. Saturday morning early - I get a knock on the door and he is there to get his parcel - but then he went to give me a hug and squeezed my bottom tightly .. I jumped back in shock and he pretended like nothing had happened. I feel really uncomfortable now but don't know how to play it from here.. AIBU to address it with him when I see him next or just try and avoid him.. I obviously don't want to sour neighbourly relations before they have even moved in and he is super friendly-could it have been an innocent mistake? Any advice would be appreciated.. ps: I've told DH who asked if I wanted him to speak to him but I'm not sure..

Go over to his house with your DH to show that you are in this together and that your DH knows about him assaulting you. Be frank with him and tell him he made you scared and uncomfortable and you don't wish to interact with him alone again so if he needs packages in future or wants to ask about planning etc, he will need to talk to your DH. Then don't speak to him or have contact again. He knows what he did and he is banking on you being like women of his own generation who were socially pressured to keep quiet about things like that to avoid making men uncomfortable. The discomfort should all be on him, not you.

If you don't feel up to confronting him like that then just blank him in future and refuse to interact with him.

If any of the other neighbors on the street ask about him, just tell them straight up that he's a creep and you're not comfortable being alone with him.

Oh no i would feel so uncomfortable with this being quite literally too close to home. I would go to the police and be telling all the neighbours (probably announce in whatsapp group) so they can protect themselfes. I would expect my husband to be fuming and at the very least have words with him. This does need to be logged because who else is he doing this to also if more issues occour and it becomes harassment, authorities will need to build a picture say they need to prosecute. How many others has he done this to and got a way with it because hes just a sweet old man accidently gropping someones private area. Eugh

Firstly, don’t feel guilty or second guess what you may or may not have read. Speak to your DH/Partner about it. Get him to speak to this disgusting waste of oxygen and ffs, no more parcels/hugs/favours or friendliness. He has chosen to behave in a predatory fashion and you do not have to tolerate it.

Christ, your not a young woman,tell him to fuck off with his arse squeezing you know that's not right,so does he,but he'll carry on if you let him.

Yuck. He’s taking advantage of the fact he knows you won’t say anything. No more parcels or being friendly op.

Perfectly normal to have neighbour’s numbers. Not perfectly normal to be a sexually abusive creep. Peak Mumsnet to assume he’s being a sexually abusive creep because of his age. It isn’t.
OP, if you can, tell him clearly that he is absolutely not to touch you in any way again. If you can’t, and it is a difficult thing to do, don’t ever open the door to him again. He will know why. He knows what he’s doing.

the quickest way to solve this is to send DH over to have a word with him and make it clear he is no longer welcome in your house. That'sthe kind of language creeps like your neighbor understand. He will try to convince your husband it was an innocent mistake, so make sure your husband knows it wasn't.

Only on the bottom? 🤐😱

That's sexual assault. Report him to the police.

I’m stunned at the naivety of this, when is the last time you squeezed someone’s arse tightly by mistake. I can only assume you do it regularly otherwise you’d not ask. Otherwise it’s faux naivety

he’s clearly misread the signals and thinks you’re into him, some blokes just being happy to see them, being enthusiastic has them like that, and If it’s often when you’re husband isn’t there, he’s been thinking you’re interested.

so id be a little more distant now, let your husband take the lead on comms. You need to live next to this man, so you need to put it back in its box, without leaving blood on the table and starting a war.

Oh give over, would someone really go to the police as someone squeezed their arse, what exactly do you think they will do.

Growing up in different times is rubbish. Its predatory entitled behaviour. Men are mostly all the same age is irrelevant

Op ,your neighbour is a perv. Get your husband to have a word with him asap and don't speak to him /answer the door or phone calls unless your husband is home and he can deal with it

Next time you see him if he moves to hug or touch you in any way PUSH HIM AWAY.

Tell him you're really pissed off that he groped you and in future he keeps his hands to himself.

Be crystal clear that it is not acceptable.

Dear Neighbour

I didn’t appreciate being groped yesterday morning. Touch me again and I’ll report it to the police and tell your wife.

if you need to contact us you can speak to DH and we won’t be talking in parcels for you any longer.”

Keep your door firmly shut and never speak to the fucker again. No more parcels, no more cups of tea. And if you are feeling vengeful make life as difficult as possible with the build. Also get your dh involved. It's sad but true that men like this are more likely to back off when there is visibly another man around.

Just be cold. He knows what he’s doing.

It wasn’t different times, I’m mid fifties, I know many men mid 60s they don’t go around feeling women’s arses. It’s not generational. He completely knew, he jist pretended.

But having a phone number is useful for other situations eg you're away and they can drop you a message if there's a problem at home. It's also useful for making contact later at night if people have young kids and you don't want to disturb them but there's a situation eg if there's a power cut. You might not use the phone number very often but it's definitely useful to have because popping round doesn't cover every situation you might need to deal with. And now that wfh is the norm popping round can be less welcome in the day time than it used to be.

This isn’t about age it’s about the man and the predatory behaviour

i had the father of the bride do it to me at a friends wedding. He put his arm round my waist, whilst standing at my side, tnen lowered it down and squeezed my arse. We were standing in a group chatting. I simply jerked away and said loudly he just felt my arse.

he looked really shocked and didn’t say a word just stared , the women round me looked amused/impressed I’d said it, a few after said good for you calling it out, the other men were a bit agape, eyes swivelling side to side and not sure what to do, even my husband looked a bit stunned. I said look it’s his shame not mine and I’m not having it. I think it was as we were standing there in our wedding finery, making polite chat, and suddenly I jerk away, and explode with he just felt my arse. It sort of threw everyone.

He moved away silently and avoided me the rest of the time.

Fuck that, standing there with my husband and this troll of a man, sidles up and feels my arse.

There have been many times over the years when a neighbour has phoned or texted me when they’re out/away for all sorts of reasons, such as to ask me to take in a parcel thats been left on their doorstep, or when Ive been out to tell me my burglar alarm is going off, or they’ve heard a strange noise in my house.

It’s still sexual assault and I’m in the middle of a police thing about very similar where it turned out to be a huge pattern of behaviour that also escalated

No more hugs and no more cups of tea. Polite but distant. If he leans in for a hug again, step back and say "no need for a cuddle Bob". If he does anything other than back away a bit shamefaced then it's his issue and you are well within your righta to say "I don't enjoy being pawed at by a man I barely know Bob. I'll take in a parcel for you but don't want you touching me up".

😂🤣😂 Yes!

He is a total creep. Be so frosty. Definitely never allow him in your home again. If he asks spell it out. "Don't EVER touch me again". I would also be telling neighbours that he was deeply inappropriate with you and you are now very wary.

I think they would go and have a word with him definitely.