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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being a bit shocked by my new neighbour

202 replies

Overnightoats1 · 10/05/2026 20:25

For a bit of background- we are currently doing some building work on our house and our soon to be new neighbour has knocked down the old house next door and is busy building a brand new house on the plot . We are still living in ours and he isn't until it's built . He is about 65-70 years old and has been very friendly and popped over a few times to compare building progress and on occasion I've offered him a cup of tea. He has mostly popped over when DH has been at work as that's when the builders are there. He has always hugged me a bit too tightly when he said hello -(me -45 yo mum of 3) but I put it down to being friendly and perhaps cultural differences..I took in a parcel for his builders on Friday after his builders had left and texted him to let him know I had his parcel and would give it to his builders on Monday. Saturday morning early - I get a knock on the door and he is there to get his parcel - but then he went to give me a hug and squeezed my bottom tightly .. I jumped back in shock and he pretended like nothing had happened. I feel really uncomfortable now but don't know how to play it from here.. AIBU to address it with him when I see him next or just try and avoid him.. I obviously don't want to sour neighbourly relations before they have even moved in and he is super friendly-could it have been an innocent mistake? Any advice would be appreciated.. ps: I've told DH who asked if I wanted him to speak to him but I'm not sure..

OP posts:
Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 10/05/2026 21:39

MustardGlass · 10/05/2026 20:55

He crossed a boundary there is no excuse for. Cold as fucking polite ice from now on. See him walking up - My husband will be here on such and such day, come back then. Complete fucking ice wall. But I have zero tolerance for creepiness from anyone. If he gets stroppy and demands answers like he’s not done anything wrong look him straight in the eyes and say you squeezed my arse and we are not friends, you are not welcome here.

This!!!

Poodlelove · 10/05/2026 21:40

A similar thing happened to me .I am sorry that this has happened to you.

I thought it was something that I had done wrong , but I know it was them.
I got my husband to speak to them .
He should not have touched you in any way , he shouldn't have even hugged you .
He knows that you are married.
I think you or your husband need to speak to him .
I would tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and will take things further if does anything like that ever again.
I know at the time you are in shock.
This is not normal behaviour. I would be concerned about what he may do next if it isn't dealt with.
You did nothing wrong but I would want this to escalate, or visit when your husband is out.
Don't ever let him in your home.
Good luck.

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 10/05/2026 21:43

What a creepy prick.

You did the right thing not reacting at the time, who knows how nasty he might get.

No more texting, cups of tea, or entry to your home EVER. If a parcel arrives you either refuse it or you get DH to text him. If he knocks when DH isn’t home don’t answer.

JazzyJelly · 10/05/2026 21:44

He's willing to push sexual boundaries and you have 3 children. Keep yourself and them away from him, and warn others about what he did.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 10/05/2026 21:45

It makes me sad that men so often interpret a woman’s friendliness or neighbourliness as an invitation to molest her.

Actually, I don’t think they really do believe she fancies them — they just think it’s worth a try. Sure, they may hurt, offend or even distress a nice person who deserves better. But what does that matter compared with the chance to grab a woman’s bum?

Nogimachi · 10/05/2026 21:45

That’s horrible. I would where possible have your husband speak with him going forward. Where not possible perhaps ensure you are behind the door to avoid physical contact.
Please don’t worry about making him feel awkward - he clearly doesn’t extend the same courtesy to you.

pambeesleyhalpert · 10/05/2026 21:46

If he tries to hug you again step away. Do not feel the need to be “polite” he’s crossed a line!!

Ghostorno · 10/05/2026 21:46

Don’t let him in your house again, he’s become far too comfortable. Let your husband speak to him and remind him hugging and grabbing your bottom is likely to get him in to a lot of trouble.

RafaFan · 10/05/2026 21:47

You can't squeeze somebody's bum by accident. The bloke is a creep. Absolutely call him out on it or get your husband to (because men like that seem only to listen to other men).

HasDepth · 10/05/2026 21:47

LovelyAnd · 10/05/2026 20:59

There is no culture in which patting the bottom of a neighbour you barely know constitutes a polite ‘hello’.

a pat? It sounds like he did a grab with a squeeze?? is that not sexual assault?

NoisyMonster678 · 10/05/2026 21:49

Be extremly careful.

Do not, under any circumstances allow him to have any physical contact with you again because how do you know he won't over power you?

He sounds dodgy as hell.

Tell your DH.

Warn him you'll involve police if he over steps you boundaries again.

He may be old but don't risk it.

PJHarveyisagoddess · 10/05/2026 21:49

I would send him a message. The message would read like this…”Dear neighbour, I should have mentioned it the time but honestly I was too shocked. The other day you hugged me and squeezed my bottom tightly. It was inappropriate and not welcome. I will not tolerate that behaviour again”

JimJamming · 10/05/2026 21:50

keepswimming38 · 10/05/2026 20:59

Are you overly huggy and friendly op? He’s misinterpreted your behaviour maybe?

Fuck right off with this. NO behaviour of a woman is ever the reason for her being molested.

godmum56 · 10/05/2026 21:52

Growlybear83 · 10/05/2026 20:38

I can’t think of any neighbour in the 50 years since I left home who I haven’t exchanged phone numbers with - surely it’s something thst most people do?

no, I have got one neighbour's phone number because they offered and one number of the people whose garden backs onto mine. Before that I have never had or wanted neighbour's phone numbers. and that is some 50 years too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/05/2026 21:53

He’s a perve. No hugs needed and a loud hands to self /get your hands off me should do the trick

NoGarlic · 10/05/2026 21:54

Happyjoe · 10/05/2026 20:52

Someone roughly the same age as your neighbour was shocked when I told him squeezing or patting bottoms isn't acceptable anymore. He asked me 'well, how is a woman supposed to know I like them?'.

Different times he grew up with, he needs to learn this rubbish is unwanted (probably always was to be fair) and to stop. I'd just avoid him, no more cuppas, if have to talk about the houses, fine but no other chat and all done on the doorstep. Eeek, sorry, awkward.

You're buying predatory claptrap from this bloke, and (I'm sorry to say) being borderline ageist with "70-year-old men have no manners".

I'm the same age. It has never been acceptable for men to molest women.

suki1964 · 10/05/2026 21:55

Tell him is he lays a finger on you again, breaking his fingers will be the least of his problems

That should get him to stop

If he does it again, you call the police

You are a grown woman with a voice - use it

Hes just a dick on legs

godmum56 · 10/05/2026 21:57

I think you need to be completely clear that he is not to touch you again. Do you know anything about him?

Flowersdie · 10/05/2026 21:57

Why are you (or he) hugging each other - wtf? Who hugs a neighbour who’s not even their bloody neighbour yet.

And of course he meant it. Fucking gross men

magicpotion2026 · 10/05/2026 21:57

He’s a creep that has sexually assaulted you

krustykittens · 10/05/2026 21:58

NoGarlic · 10/05/2026 21:54

You're buying predatory claptrap from this bloke, and (I'm sorry to say) being borderline ageist with "70-year-old men have no manners".

I'm the same age. It has never been acceptable for men to molest women.

Exactly. Men may have got away with this behaviour much more easily 30 or 40 years ago but it was never acceptable.

Bowies · 10/05/2026 21:59

Would you consider reporting him for sexual assault?

I would also have absolutely nothing further to do with him.

This must have been a horrible shock OP.

Flowersdie · 10/05/2026 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HRTQueen · 10/05/2026 22:03

Happyjoe · 10/05/2026 20:52

Someone roughly the same age as your neighbour was shocked when I told him squeezing or patting bottoms isn't acceptable anymore. He asked me 'well, how is a woman supposed to know I like them?'.

Different times he grew up with, he needs to learn this rubbish is unwanted (probably always was to be fair) and to stop. I'd just avoid him, no more cuppas, if have to talk about the houses, fine but no other chat and all done on the doorstep. Eeek, sorry, awkward.

That old excuse 🙄

he is a creep and he knows it and was just biding his time until he thought it was a good chance to inappropriately touch you

TimetoPour · 10/05/2026 22:04

We get on really well and socialise regularly with our neighbours. We hug, kiss goodbye on the cheek etc, never in a million years would we touch each other’s bottoms!

He is a dirty creep and I would be extremely cold towards him going forward. No more parcels, no cups of tea etc. If he comes towards you for a hug, I would put my arm out between, step back and say no more hugs. You don’t have to be rude or get in to an argument but you do need to create a massive boundary.

If your DH does say anything, I would suggest he tells the neighbour to give you a wide berth unless he wants a punch on the nose. Don’t let him think you need a man to fight your battles.