For being a bit shocked by my new neighbour

[Overnightoats1]

For a bit of background- we are currently doing some building work on our house and our soon to be new neighbour has knocked down the old house next door and is busy building a brand new house on the plot . We are still living in ours and he isn't until it's built . He is about 65-70 years old and has been very friendly and popped over a few times to compare building progress and on occasion I've offered him a cup of tea. He has mostly popped over when DH has been at work as that's when the builders are there. He has always hugged me a bit too tightly when he said hello -(me -45 yo mum of 3) but I put it down to being friendly and perhaps cultural differences..I took in a parcel for his builders on Friday after his builders had left and texted him to let him know I had his parcel and would give it to his builders on Monday. Saturday morning early - I get a knock on the door and he is there to get his parcel - but then he went to give me a hug and squeezed my bottom tightly .. I jumped back in shock and he pretended like nothing had happened. I feel really uncomfortable now but don't know how to play it from here.. AIBU to address it with him when I see him next or just try and avoid him.. I obviously don't want to sour neighbourly relations before they have even moved in and he is super friendly-could it have been an innocent mistake? Any advice would be appreciated.. ps: I've told DH who asked if I wanted him to speak to him but I'm not sure..

He didn’t make a mistake. The dirty old man sexually assaulted you! I would text him and tell him this and that if he ever comes near you again you will call the police and won’t be taking in any parcels for him again

@Growlybear83 "I can’t think of any neighbour in the 50 years since I left home who I haven’t exchanged phone numbers with - surely it’s something thst most people do?"

Really? You'd exchange phone numbers with a brand new neighbour that you barely knew at all who also happens to be a single bloke? I've had neighbours phone numbers but they've been people I've got to know reasonably well over a period of time.

Next time you answer the door, tell him you've got rabies. Put some fairy liquid soap suds around your mouth and make rasping sounds...

He won't be back.

He will be back - I predict he will wait until DH is out, and knock on the door with a big bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates to say sorry. I know his type. He'll still try his luck if he thinks he can get away with it.

Of course OP should ignore the door / blank him entirely.

Yes. I agree. He knows.

Don't be afraid of seeming impolite or uncivil. Block him on your phone. He can talk to DH if he has to.
A blunt. "no hugging" and I'd be saying to the Delivery person that you don't take parcels for that house and can they just leave him a note. Or DH leaves the parcel in the doorstep.

Make sure he gets the message and backs off and don't feel bad about it. He was taking advantage. What a creep.

I was going to suggest your OH pops over and gives him an identical “hug”!

Don't let it go. He's gradually pushing the boundaries, if he gets away with this he may do worse next time.

In my case - it's a married bloke!

Just imagine going to a man’s house when his wife is out and hugging him and grabbing his arse. It wouldn’t happen, would it?

OP when have you ever accidentally squeezed someone’s bum? He’s a predatory perve and a possibly dangerous male. Block the number and stop taking parcels. Most of all, stop diminishing and second-guessing yourself to be ‘nice’ to the creep.

Of course I’d swap phone numbers with a neighbour once I’d got talking to them, unless they were really objectionable when I first met them. I would only be swapping phone numbers, not partners! 🤣

If you feel brave enough you need to have a strong word. Husband needs to be final word

Dirty old perv, fck off

South Asian? When you said you'd assumed his tendency to hug was cultural I thought you meant something like Italian or Russian. South Asian cultures are quite famously not OK with men touching unrelated women (doesn't mean they don't do it, because patriarchal societies enable the gropings of sexist pigs, but everyone knows it's wrong). Traditionally, even a handshake would be considered Too Much touch.

Honestly OP, if he comes near you again report him to 101. He sexually assaulted you, if you wish to be pedantic. Carried away? My arse. Hes a creepy pervert, the type that often grabs young girls.Tell the neighbours, a heads up. Creep.

This is true. He is a common or garden perv.

I would keep your children away and do a Sarah's Law because assault is about power, not so much about sexual orientation. Being sons does not make them safe.

He may be a neighbour, but he is also a complete stranger. I think hugging OP and squeezing her bum is objectionable actually.

OP is massively uncomfortable with his behaviour and people are pointing out to her that she doesn't need to swap phone numbers just because he's a neighbour.

She's already doubting herself, just because you would swap phone numbers with a new neighbour doesn't mean that OP should. People are trying to warn her she should be more careful around this idiot who is clearly making unwelcome and unasked for advances. She doesn't need to be friendly to someone like that

Please save this thread and also print it out. It shows dates and times. It will be a record that this man admitted sexual assault of you, to your husband. It also shows your responses, which quite clearly are fight flight freeze fawn/friend flop trauma responses...you are more triggered to freeze and fawn/friend.

I would either resolve this at he time by telling him if he did that again he would end up either in jail or A&E or I would let my husband tell him the same .

Escalation does not help. Then what? Each side brings in their big brothers and gangster friends?

A formal no contact request or reprimand in writing. And keep logs of everything.

A few years ago I was standing at a checkout and an older man, who wasn’t buying anything, sidled past me and firmly pressed his groin into my bum, to the point I could feel his erection. I was so shocked, I yelled out and called him a dirty old bastard, as he quickly exited the shop. People turned to look, so I explained exactly what he’d just done to me.
Just shocking that men think doing this type of thing to women is ok.

Really weird that he hugged you. Definitely duck the hug next time or just don’t answer the door?

Probably a member of the flasher mac brigade -I'd steer clear if possible and if that doesn't work tell your hubby!

I obviously don't want to sour neighbourly relations before they have even moved in and he is super friendly-could it have been an innocent mistake?

it’s not you souring relations - he is a dirty old man getting his kicks by bring a predator - he is the one that has been perverted

tell him to fuck off with his dirty perverted behaviour

Sounds like you have found a good resolution. He has admitted to being out of order and apologised. I f you see him again alone I suggest standing well back and indicate with your body language that there will be no more attempted hugs.