For being a bit shocked by my new neighbour

[Overnightoats1]

For a bit of background- we are currently doing some building work on our house and our soon to be new neighbour has knocked down the old house next door and is busy building a brand new house on the plot . We are still living in ours and he isn't until it's built . He is about 65-70 years old and has been very friendly and popped over a few times to compare building progress and on occasion I've offered him a cup of tea. He has mostly popped over when DH has been at work as that's when the builders are there. He has always hugged me a bit too tightly when he said hello -(me -45 yo mum of 3) but I put it down to being friendly and perhaps cultural differences..I took in a parcel for his builders on Friday after his builders had left and texted him to let him know I had his parcel and would give it to his builders on Monday. Saturday morning early - I get a knock on the door and he is there to get his parcel - but then he went to give me a hug and squeezed my bottom tightly .. I jumped back in shock and he pretended like nothing had happened. I feel really uncomfortable now but don't know how to play it from here.. AIBU to address it with him when I see him next or just try and avoid him.. I obviously don't want to sour neighbourly relations before they have even moved in and he is super friendly-could it have been an innocent mistake? Any advice would be appreciated.. ps: I've told DH who asked if I wanted him to speak to him but I'm not sure..

I appreciate you were momentarily shocked, that's perfectly understandable, but once recovered I would have thrown him out of the house and told him never to return. Squeezing your bum was a deliberate action on his part to test the water, nothing to do with culture or being super-friendly. This man is a creep.

OP…have you ever squeezed someone’s arse tightly ‘by mistake’?

Come on now…you must know that he’s a creepy fucking perv! Fuck being neighbourly…tell him in no uncertain terms, that if he ever touches you again, he will be feeling your knee in his balls so hard, he’ll be swallowing them!

And if your husband had anything about him…he’d have already done it!

Men are fucking disgusting!! 🤬

I have been in a similar situation to you with a neighbour building next door and I often hug him and his wife when we see each other. We exchanged telephone numbers but, if he had ever touched my backside, I would have decked him!

Oh do fuck off!! Seriously…you’re blaming the woman in this scenario?? 🤯🤦‍♀️

I have never hugged a neighbour or felt the need to. Chat, yes, hug no. Neither have I squeezed a bottom, or had my bottom squeezed, by mistake. It is quite an intentional action.

boundaries are being pushed here and this man knows what he is doing. You have tolerated a bit of leeway and now he is pushing a bit further.

back off and maybe let your DH do most of the talking to him for now. At best this might be confused signals, if you were to give him benefit of the doubt.

This.

Same here. We have lovely neighbours and lovely people along our road (have a WhatsApp group for our road). I'd be happy to have a friendly hug with some I know well - but squeezing bottoms? Definitely not!!

Agree

He was genuinely shocked, I did know him. And bemused when I suggested he just ask a lady out if he was interested. This was about 15 years ago, give or take. Worked with him.

He sexually assaulted you.

I bet he'd go ballistic if a man did exactly the same to his wife.

Er how did you need up hugging him at all.

I can’t think of any neighbour in the 50 years since I left home who I haven’t exchanged phone numbers with - surely it’s something thst most people do?
I haven't had any neighbours numbers abd I left home 43 years ago!
Ive never hugged a neighbour either.
Im agreing with others, hehas beeb deliberate with his actions. Its not an age thing its a creepy perv thing!.
Time to vack off and make boundaries,both literally and metaphorically!.

Right?! FFS.

You don’t want to sour relations with a f scumbag? Do you have daughters OP???

I would tell him straight and made sure he never set foot on my property or as much as looked in my direction again. Especially if I had kids, so they didn’t get an impression than an old fart can hang around them and gain their trust and then squeeze their private parts.

Ew. He knows exactly what he is doing. Exactly. He is taking advantage. A stern word then ignoring him completely would be best. Obviously police if it descends into harassment.

End contact with him. No more greeting him. He doesn't come to your house and you don't take in any parcels for him.

Lived next door to old(er) men most of my life and never had anything happen like this even when I was young. He is a Dirty Old Man, and has always been like this. There have always been physical boundaries and he has probably always crossed them.

how "roughly"?
Someone 65 has only just reached retirement age, hardly "different times." How could anyone in a workplace in the last 25plus years still think that was acceptable?

Let DH have a word with him, and the 4% who said you are being unreasonable need to be on some sort of register

What the f is wrong with the good old-fashioned slapping? Does the job of a thousand words, glances, etc. (Same goes for the children, but only on the bottom).

A man once groped my leg on a plane. I dug my elbow hard into his chest and called him a perv and a dirty old man all over the plane. They found him another seat (by the loo) but every time I went past I made sure the people he was sitting near knew what he ahd done. So no prizes for guessing what I would do to a pervy neighbour . No neighbour has my phone number and only one ever asked.

"My number is for my friends and family and not for random people who happen to live next door." Cold contemptuous tone.

I hate bloody neighbours. The only good one is a dead one.

He doesnt sound worried about souring neighbourly relationships.

Practice what to do if it happens again: Knee him hard in the crotch and then stamp hard on on the foot (preferably with stiletto heels on). Or you could just head butt him in the chin upwards.

I was teenage in the 60s so we practiced self defence against these pervs.

Yes, that.

He's nasty. Ignore him except when necessary from now on. Don't be available to take in his parcels and if you know he is ringing your doorbell, don't answer it.

I am annoyed on your behalf, I'm sure we all are.