AIBU? Hotel room alone?

[mumstheword1x]

I went away last month for 1 night with work, due to planning an event, in Liverpool, I’m from London.

the event week is here, and now I’ve got 2 nights away, Tuesday - Thursday.

I hated the 1 night I did a few weeks ago, I couldn’t sleep, barely slept Infact,took me ages to fall asleep and when I did, I was tossing and turning every 2 hours.

I get scared about someone breaking in or something ridiculous and I just can’t relax, the bed is unusual. I hate it.

I don’t want to wish my life away, but I want it to be 9am Thursday morning and I’m already on the train home.

ugh

AIBU?

There are many things about hotels that annoy me (bad wifi, bad aircon, not being able to have breakfast before interacting with another human being, generally feeling like the hotel's primary focus is on cleaning your room and you're just in the way) but I've honestly never felt unsafe in any hotel room. It wouldn't occur to me to wedge a chair under the door, that strikes me as a bit batshit.

Would suggest this if you are nervous. I stay in hotel occasionally alone. I treat it as an opportunity yo chill, have some snacks and relax.

First night effect here. it’s perfectly normal to feel like you do

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/21/struggle-to-sleep-in-a-strange-bed-scientists-have-uncovered-why

Fine to think that for yourself, not very supportive or helpful for the OP to be so dismissive. Presumably she posted for support? OP knows she is an adult so not sure how "Do get a grip. You’re a grown adult" helps her situation. Different people find different things challenging. OP is professionally successful so doing well overall. She clearly wants to tackle her fear, that's more than many would do.

It is immature not to be able to empathise or phrase things in a socially skilled manner. But then I imagine some people will have grown up with parents that just told them to shut up and put up, which might explain the nature of dismissive posts like that.

I used to travel a lot for work and felt similar about the possibility of someone coming into my room. It is very unlikely and in the rare event it happens it would be an accident so you are unlikely to be at risk. Some doors have a chain you can use but if there wasn't one available I would put something behind the door, like a rustly plastic bag, that would wake me if someone came in.

I am away with work this week and I cant wait!

A night to my self. Might get a justeat delivered, facemask on. I can get in bed early.

Reframe in in your mind as a treat to yourself, and just buy a wedge if it makes you feel safer.

He had "lost" his phone down a toilet somewhere. This was normal behaviour for him! He was always very drunk when away. This info was known throughout the company.

Things that make the news do so because they're not the norm.

I've stayed in countless hotels on my own, including Travelodges, and no one has ever tried to access my room without knocking first. Not once.

Once someone did try to get into a male colleague's room - it was a female guest who had got her room number confused. She apologised profusely and it was a non-issue.

Going through life thinking of unlikely worst-case scenarios in the name of "safety" is really unhealthy.

Ok, and 4 weeks ago I was given a card to a room in a Premier inn and there was a sleeping man already in the bed. In what way does my routine affect you? Your experience is your experience and mine is mine. I'm usually checking in late, so maybe we see different things. I don't see basic safety tactics as going through life scared, my employer provides room locks, should I just not use them??? In case some poster on MN feels it's a tad overboard?

You can do what you want. I was giving general advice on this sort of thinking being unhealthy in reference to the OP, who is so anxious in a hotel room by herself that she can't sleep.

Certainly in the UK, I tend to use Holiday Inn, Premier Inn or Travelodge and they usually have a separate chain or "flip over" style of lock on the inside which would stop someone with a master key easily gaining entry. Obviously, with enough force, they could break the fixings, but that would be noisy. At least it'd stop an "accidental" attempt and the noise would wake me if it were deliberate.

But on the rare occasion there's nothing like that, (and more often abroad) I just put my suitcase/rucksack against the door. Again, it won't stop entry, but it will make noise enough to wake me.

Lots of "chain hotels" have a small ironing board, so sometimes I'd use that to lean against the door - again, won't stop someone coming in, but would make a noise.

Other than that I absolutely love hotel stays. There's just something about going into a newly serviced hotel room where there's no clutter, bed neatly made, folded towels, etc. I like the simplicity and not being surrounded by "stuff" - even my own "stuff" can be annoying when I'm at home, and I'm a big "de-clutterer" so have nothing I don't actually need.

..... not being able to have breakfast before interacting with another human being, generally feeling like the hotel's primary focus is on cleaning your room and you're just in the way

I have something in my room before venturing out. And I put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door if I don't want the cleaning staff coming in. I don't think they clean every day these days, do they?

YABU. You are safer than at home. I dream of staying in a hotel right now

This is exactly it. So, nope, you are definitely not being unreasonable, it is scientifically proven, for some people.

They might not be able to pin point it to a tangible anxiety of someone breaking in. However, the inability to sleep, on the first night, is real.

I have it, it’s horrible. Interestingly, it isn’t every hotel. You might be lucky tonight.

Do whatever you need to, to feel more relaxed and don’t worry if people think it weird. You don’t have to tell anyone, we all have our “things”.

Hope you have a peaceful night and you get to enjoy a bit of peace.

I disagree that you are safer in a hotel than at home.

I have had two male hotel staff come into my room when i was in bed. Their reason didnt make sense.

I have also had a male hotel staff member take a photo of me when i was in bed (through the glass panel at the top of the door)

I love staying in a hotel on my own. I'm off on a work trip abroad next week and I'm really looking forward to the first night in the hotel. I've been to this city many times, so I'm already planning where to have dinner and looking forward to going to my favourite cafe for coffee. The hotel also has an amazing breakfast buffet. Peace and quiet, a room to myself, absolute bliss.

Thanks everyone. I must admit, 50 of my colleagues are also staying in the hotel that I am for a conference. it’s 4* in Liverpool. I know I should think of it as a break and peace and quiet, but I suffer with health anxiety.

Seriously?! I hope you raised absolute
hell.

The first night in a hotel room is always a bad nights sleep. I stay away a lot and I hate it too!

What helps me is some background noise- I listen to a bedtime story on the calm app it blocks out the air con and random people slamming doors. Bring an extension lead so your phone can be charging next to your bed and some blue tac to cover up any annoying flashing lights.

Yeah you will. Ear plugs don't completely deafen you and those things are loud

Sounds like event organising may not be the right job for you.

yes Surely it depends on where you live and if the hotel has security to stop non guests getting in (although I get that sometimes it’s a member of staff that breaks in).

its hard to know, I was sexually assaulted by a man breaking into my room when I was staying in an apartment on a complex rather than a hotel so that makes it hard to tell one’s brain “you are being stupid” .

So why quote me then?

I always struggle to sleep too in a hotel but would relish the peace and alone time, go and do something if there is a cinema nearby or have a bath and pampering night in your room. The chance of anything bad happening is minute, order a glass of fizz and relax!

They were three different incidents.

The two male workers coming into my room- they said they thought the room had been empty. Plausible - I guess, but it definitely made me feel uncomfortable.

The one where they took photos of me. I told reception and they brushed it off. They said it could have been a light coming from somehwhere else. It was definitely a camera flash and i saw on an online review, that another guest had complained of the same thing

Interestingly i saw a tiktok video recently of a guest complaining to a different hotel about the same thing. She said that she saw camera flashes outside her room window (window led to another hall).
The male receptionist brushed her off...they probably all know whats going on