Aibu to feel jealous of my neighbour

[dgs21]

We’re both single parents, she has 2 children aged 12 and 2. I have an 8yo and one on the way.

We’ve both lived in our houses for the same amount of time around 8 years so I know her quite well. I work 4 days a week until 8pm plus over time, I do a course alongside my job as I work in pharmacy and have to complete a 3 year course so I can be a qualified dispenser and hoping to go to uni next year. I’m working really hard and don’t seem to have any time or money to keep my house, garden and even myself in check as I’m always working and paying bills/food/driving lessons/daughter etc. I earn around £900 a month plus £200 UC. My 8yo is being assessed for autism and ADHD but I feel like I shouldn’t apply for PIP until she’s officially diagnosed as she’s not too high on the spectrum.

my next door neighbour hasn’t worked a day since I’ve known her, she told me a few years ago it’s because she “coughs too much”, she is constantly smoking weed. She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets. She gets around £2,000 a month in total. Since she has started receiving the PIP for her son, she has covered herself in tattoos, her front and back garden has transformed and is full of flowers which she has said she spent £300 at home bargains last week, she gambles on gambling apps and has spent over £100 in one day, and just in general spends allot of money on herself and her house and has all day everyday to do this.

(forgot to mention I receive housing benefit too based on my income each month)

ABIU to be feeling jealous, we’ve got along quite well the past few years but am now starting to resent her, I’m even thinking of moving house so I don’t have to see her everyday

Why are you jealous as you don’t seem to like her? Why do you want to be like someone you don’t like? I’m surprised you’re friends, let alone feel she is someone to aspire to be like.

Comparison is the thief of joy

I doubt she’s getting £1,000 for one child?

If I were her, I’d be jealous of you OP. She’s sitting on her arse all day (allegedly) scamming the benefits system and achieving nothing other than some tats and a pretty garden. You, on the other hand are on your way to a respected career, working hard and setting an amazing example for your kids. You’re the winner here 🌸

I don't think it's jealousy, it's being bloody pissed off that the OP is working her arse off to provide for her kid and improve her employment prospects ..... while her next door neighbour is doing sweet FA and gloating about it.

Instead of being jealous of her you should be proud of yourself. You are working hard to better your career prospects and ypu have ambition and aspirations.

By the sound of it she is on a downward spiral of ill health and no better future to look forward to.

The thing with people on benefits through their children though they are trapped in the system.
She will never better herself.. She cannot get promoted or apply for something better.
Eventually her child will leave home

You are just in a difficult time right now but your life is on an upward trajectory

Your neighbour is a strange person for you to be jealous of.
You are working hard to provide a better life for your family, she seems to want the easy way out.
You have completely different values.

Agree - there is nothing to be jealous of. It’s the unfairness of it all you are probably feeling and I would distance myself from someone like that.

You're going to be a qualified dispenser who's been to university and had an interesting and important career that helps people. You will have a private pension which affords you a good quality of life when you retire. Your children will grow up with the example of a hardworking mother, which will hopefully inspire them to work hard and pursue careers themselves. As a qualified professional you will not be dependent on state benefits, meaning that if a hardline government ever gets into power and starts slashing UC, you will be insulated from this.

She has drug issues and her children will not have the benefit of growing up with an inspirational hardworking parent. If a hardline government ever does decide to slash benefits she will be very vulnerable. She will quite likely retire on a meagre state pension with little or no private top-up.

Having said all that, the thing about her receiving 1k a month for a 12 year old who hasn't been diagnosed sounds like bollocks to me - surely that's not true?

Why don’t you make some changes in your own life so you are on a more equal footing if you are jealous of her life.

Stop studying and working and go on UC. Smoke some weed so that you too can get a cough and more money. It must be easy. Then get some tattoos.

It’s not necessarily a life that most people would be aspiring to but if that’s your dream, then push yourself to achieve it.

What a depressing set-up to be jealous of. Jealous of a wheezing cough caused by smoking weed?

Im just going off what she’s told me

I definitely don’t think your neighbour’s lifestyle is anything to aspire to.

But how are you going to go to uni if you are pregnant again? Are you hoping to become a pharmacist? Good luck.

I didn’t say I want to aspire to be like her? I’m just starting to resent her because she seems to have everything SHE wants in life without working for it when I don’t have what I want in life while working, no part of me wants to be like her

Open uni

I think she’s talking shit. PIP is an adult benefit for a start isn’t it?

And the money will all stop when her kids are 18. Nothing to be jealous of.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

She probably does get £1k for a disabled child

That money could be changed or taken away at anytime
And one day he will grow up and leave home and she will lose it all

I always find it fascinating how the OP's on these benefit bashing threads know EXACTLY what Julie over the road gets from the state. It's quite incredible. Every last penny they seem to know about.

Because she’s told me?

How do you earn so little working 4 days a week? Even minimum wage full would be about £1.6k so thats a lot of deductions

Here we go, yet again.

You made your own bed so you'll need to lie in it.

If you think her life looks better, then do what she's doing.

But starting the zillionth benefit bashing thread won't help your predicament 🤷‍♂️