Aibu to feel jealous of my neighbour

[dgs21]

We’re both single parents, she has 2 children aged 12 and 2. I have an 8yo and one on the way.

We’ve both lived in our houses for the same amount of time around 8 years so I know her quite well. I work 4 days a week until 8pm plus over time, I do a course alongside my job as I work in pharmacy and have to complete a 3 year course so I can be a qualified dispenser and hoping to go to uni next year. I’m working really hard and don’t seem to have any time or money to keep my house, garden and even myself in check as I’m always working and paying bills/food/driving lessons/daughter etc. I earn around £900 a month plus £200 UC. My 8yo is being assessed for autism and ADHD but I feel like I shouldn’t apply for PIP until she’s officially diagnosed as she’s not too high on the spectrum.

my next door neighbour hasn’t worked a day since I’ve known her, she told me a few years ago it’s because she “coughs too much”, she is constantly smoking weed. She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets. She gets around £2,000 a month in total. Since she has started receiving the PIP for her son, she has covered herself in tattoos, her front and back garden has transformed and is full of flowers which she has said she spent £300 at home bargains last week, she gambles on gambling apps and has spent over £100 in one day, and just in general spends allot of money on herself and her house and has all day everyday to do this.

(forgot to mention I receive housing benefit too based on my income each month)

ABIU to be feeling jealous, we’ve got along quite well the past few years but am now starting to resent her, I’m even thinking of moving house so I don’t have to see her everyday

I had a friend like this that I went to school with. She existed on benefits while only ever working part time and living in a council house, in the middle of a very large LA estate. She had her children over a very wide span of time, so was supported mostly by the state for a really long time. For a long time she had a better standard of living than me. I worked full-time, had a longish commute, had a child minder, was always exhausted etc etc.

However, now we're older, her children are all over 18 and financially, her life looks a lot worse than mine. I'm reasonably comfortable and now I don't have to dash around like a blue arsed fly with childminders, pick up times, covering school hols etc, my life is definitely preferable.

We started at the same level at school. Neither of us did well, but I got my education as an adult and then retrained again later. She's still at the level she was at 20. I think overall I've done better.

£300 at home bargains in a week!!! Wow.

You are working hard to improve your situation. You have no control over her poor choices. Just concentrate on your own self improvement and ignore her.

I started claiming DLA for my son in 2024 which isn't that long ago and my experience is similar to pp.

A diagnosis isn't required but medical evidence is. You can't just say whatever you like on the forms no questions asked, they expect evidence to back up what is said on the forms.

She doesn’t get PIP for her 12 year old and if his “mild autism” isn’t affecting his day to day life that much, he won’t be entitled to much in the way of financial support.

You clearly don’t like your neighbour so the best thing you can do for both your sakes is not engage and get on with your lives.

It's DLA for children, not PIP. It's based on care needs, not diagnosis but if it is deemed that his care needs aren't high enough due to evidence provided that it would be denied anyway.

Plenty of children with severe needs are denied first time around, some have to go all the way to tribunal.

She'll be referring to the disability element on uc. Along with dla, her child will be entitled to the extra element which will bring it up to 1000 easy.
You'd hate me too then. I've 3 Autistic children with dcd and pda and gdd and also single.
I get £5,000 a month. Would you trade places with me, no you wouldn't.
I dont have to work but I spend my time during the day trying to catch up on sleep whilst being on call to the schools to collect early, children on reduced timetables etc. I have no life.
I actually believe people are jealous now of any child with a disability as they are aware of the extra financial support you get for them. You have no idea what she goes through with her child and you need evidence for claims.
Would I choose this for me and my children. NO.
Be careful what you are envious of, being pregnant yourself.
If she wants to plant flowers to cheer herself up, as she home all day and is the one who looks at them, leave her alone.

I think the neighbour is talking out of her arse. The highest child DLA you can get is about 750 quid and you would need to prove the child has both night time care needs which requite supervision/personal care and is virtually unable to walk and/or has severe mental impairment, of which you have to submit a tonne of evidence from highly qualified professionals to prove the SMI/not being able to walk.

This is bullshit. I wish people wouldn't start these threads without bothering to do their research first. It may well be 'what the neighbour has said' 🤔, but this just makes the OP come across like they are pedalling bullshit to rage bait. It's better to get the facts first surely?

Not quite the point of your thread OP but what the hell is going on with your dispenser course? Why is this being done outside of work hours and why is it taking you 3 years to complete? Unless I've misunderstood what you have said, this isn't right and is taking up a big chunk of your time when it absolutely shouldn't.

is it the drug addiction or the alcohol addiction you are jealous of op?

if so alcohol is probably cheaper than drugs to get addicted to if you want an addiction.

I think you are being unreasonable to feel jealous .

Everybody has different choices and aspirations.

The lady next door to you may have some health issues / problems that you are not aware of, not all disabilities are obvious and people don’t always want to disclose the details.

You sound like you are doing well to better yourself and thats a great choice so why do you feel the need to come on mumsnet and bad mouth your neighbour who you’ve claimed you along with?

You also receive government assistance with housing benefit and UC. You are able to work part time hours , choosing to also study and that will enable you to go to University eventually.

Your neighbour may have to act as a carer for her autistic son, lots of children with ASD have toileting and sleep issues etc that would make working very hard for their parent / carer.

You don’t always know other peoples battles / mental health.

To be fair, the neighbour has very likely told the OP a load of cock and bull about how much benefits she gets, because she has picked up that the OP doesn't like her, so she's exaggerated the amount she gets in benefits to wind her up.

Highly unlikely that anyone is telling some random neighbour how much they receive in benefits. IMO, no-one would do that in real life, so yeah, the neighbour is probably dishing out made-up figures to the OP just to rile her, as she knows she doesn't like her..

Absolutely!

I think there are many people who have a lifestyle to be envious of. Your neighbour's is not one of them. You don't need to move away, just see less of her and engage less.

How do your working hours fit in with looking after your 8 year old? Who looks after her after school 4 days/week?
What course are you doing from home that will enable you to study a pharmacy qualification? Did you not have sufficient qualifications already? Is there a paid way to get to the equivalent qualification if your workplace would train or sponsor you or any apprenticeships?

Will working as a dispenser fit in with your childcare requirements for the child you are pregnant with?

The only reason someone is jealous of someone.is that they want what they have.
Either be proud of yourself and your hard work or join her!
Also, if a child is under 16, the disability benefit is called DLA.
DLA is not means tested and if your child has more care needs than the average child of their age, you may be eligible, so just apply, you don't need a diagnosis if you have other evidence like school reports etc
Also, rest assured you cannot get DLA without supporting evidence from services it's just not that easy!

That lady would know that it's not called pip for under 16 year olds, so what did she actually tell you lol

Becausr it's bizaare and pathetic to be jealous of someone like her?
But I guess you are a bit arrogant and cannot believe someone like her can afford things you can't lol
Well guess what
You can choose to be exactly like her
Ain't nobody stopping you
Stop being pathetic

She sounds like a piece of crap and I’m not surprised you’re frustrated. Report her for lying to get paid more. Ignore it, it’s part of life unfortunately. It’ll get her in the end! You could also report her for the repeated use of drugs too. Gross. The responses on this post are also weird!

A lot of what you’ve said doesn’t add up, so I’m going to file this one in the “this didn’t happen” bin.

Could be more than that tbf!
Child element of UC - just under 300pm
Disabled child element of UC - around £450pm
child DLA - anything upto £780!!!

What if I said I was annoyed by you in the same way you are her? I'm not envious of you but then I don't tend to feel hard done by and whilst there are many people who take more goverment assistance then they contribute to society, there are many for whom it is a short term lifeline to help them better themselves.

You are a single parent to one child and now have another on the way, you are considering applying for PIP when you admit that your child does not have high needs. You choose to work part time and receive universal credit too. Getting government assistance that is funded by taxpayers allows you to choose to work part time and is giving you the opportunity to better your life and you will be well aware you will get more when you have your second child.

You can happily justify your choices but you don't agree with hers. Maybe focus on your own situation and stop giving hers headspace. What makes you more deserving of government assistance than she is?

I highly doubt it if the neighbour is telling her it's PIP she gets for her child. Sounds like she's enjoying winding up OP.

Another BS post, this site will become unusable before long.

Jealous of a gambling, weed smoking benefits cheat? Get a grip.

I am always surprised at how vicious some posters are about people they don't know, and are quick to savage, because some poster made up some cock, and ball story.

If you’re struggling so much for money, I’m confused as to why you’re having another baby?