Aibu to feel jealous of my neighbour

[dgs21]

We’re both single parents, she has 2 children aged 12 and 2. I have an 8yo and one on the way.

We’ve both lived in our houses for the same amount of time around 8 years so I know her quite well. I work 4 days a week until 8pm plus over time, I do a course alongside my job as I work in pharmacy and have to complete a 3 year course so I can be a qualified dispenser and hoping to go to uni next year. I’m working really hard and don’t seem to have any time or money to keep my house, garden and even myself in check as I’m always working and paying bills/food/driving lessons/daughter etc. I earn around £900 a month plus £200 UC. My 8yo is being assessed for autism and ADHD but I feel like I shouldn’t apply for PIP until she’s officially diagnosed as she’s not too high on the spectrum.

my next door neighbour hasn’t worked a day since I’ve known her, she told me a few years ago it’s because she “coughs too much”, she is constantly smoking weed. She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets. She gets around £2,000 a month in total. Since she has started receiving the PIP for her son, she has covered herself in tattoos, her front and back garden has transformed and is full of flowers which she has said she spent £300 at home bargains last week, she gambles on gambling apps and has spent over £100 in one day, and just in general spends allot of money on herself and her house and has all day everyday to do this.

(forgot to mention I receive housing benefit too based on my income each month)

ABIU to be feeling jealous, we’ve got along quite well the past few years but am now starting to resent her, I’m even thinking of moving house so I don’t have to see her everyday

I know what she brings in because she told me, I know what I bring in as well it’s just different every month, you’re obsessed with this post

It would appear not all the naivety here is faux.

Oh bore off a other benefits bashing thread.

Just seen your update, so you work part time. The same system supporting your neighbour is propping you up so you can work part time hours and do a course to better yourself. What is there for you to be envious of? It seems like you're benefiting well yourself. Maybe even more so, you getting this course will enable you to make more money until you retire, maybe even buy your own home. Neighbour will have next to nothing when her DC grows up and no experience to help her get back in the workforce.

God I’ve offended allot of people🤦🏼‍♀️ sorry but you’ve all helped me realise I’m not being unreasonable thankyou 😊 I’ll allow you all to talk amongst yourself now x

Your not being unreasonable at all, more disbelief I think, I am fine with people getting pip if their symptoms are backed by medical notes and evidence, fine they have not much choice and are genuinely disabled with not much earning potential longer term, however the benefits system in this country is not fit for purpose due to the scammers and those choosing benefits as a lifestyle choice. Make them pay it back or find out what hard work is by introducing the community service version of a chain gang.

Your neighbour is lying to you.

pip is a benefit for adults who are defined as for this purposes over 16.

so she isn’t getting pip for a twelve year old.

Perhaps go and get yourself some fresh air.

Sundays can be boring I know, but I don't think this is the way to entertain yourself.

'x'

Hardly winning, when she is consumed with jealously over her neighbour, who is just trying to live her life. Sad.

How are you doing 6 hrs a day x 4, plus overtime, and only getting £900 a month?!

At minimum wage that's only 4 hours a day.

If that's the case you're being wildly underpaid, and that's what you should be upset about, not what your neighbour is doing.

Why do you believe her? People often lie and exaggerate regarding these things, some people see receiving a high amount of benefits/ PIP etc as something to brag about and make up ridiculous numbers. Most people don’t go about sharing their exact financial situation with neighbours so you have to think why she’s telling you and whether any of it is truth. It sounds like she’s trying to make her financial situation sound better than it probably is, I wouldn’t be surprised if the reality is she’s up to her eye balls in credit card and gambling debt. It doesn’t sound like she has a life to be jealous of or like she is somebody whose word you can trust to be the truth.

How will you cope with your course plus a job when you have the baby?

In ten years time she will still be living on benefits, her skin will be ruined by smoking, her tattoos will be fading, the plants will be dead.

You on the other hand will have a good job, a professional qualification and will have moved to a better area with neighbours who share your values.

In twenty years time she will be wearing fluffy slipper, pyjamas and a dressing gown to shuffle to the corner shop to top up her electricity and buy scratch cards. You will see her as you drive past with your partner, just smile and nod

I wouldn't feel jealous of her. Her life sounds fucking awful and not one I would want to lead. You have intellectual stimulation and a good work ethic, far more interesting than smoking weed all day.

Where is father of child/children in all this? Do you/will you get maintenance?

What a lot of tripe.

Yeah. I was trying to give her a bit of encouragement and offer a bit of ya’know… kindness? ….

Even the highest rate dla isn’t over £1000 a month so that’s not accurate for a start

If I had a penny for every random neighbour on MN who tells everyone intricate details of their benefit fraud I would have enough to come off benefits myself.

What was your intention in posting this thread? Were you seeking confirmation that your jealousy means you should pick up sticks and move away from this neighbour? Or were you wanting to be affirmed in your virtue signalling that your life was so much more noble than your neighbour's? If all that you've taken from the responses to your post are that you're "not being unreasonable", I think you're not being honest with yourself.
Good luck in your future. I hope you can put aside your "jealousy" in order to achieve your goals and give your DC a super example of what resilience and success really look like.

Quite possible because DLA alone could get her £844 a month for her kid. I don't think you get PIP for kids its DLA and the higher rate care component is £114.60 and if they get the higher rate mobility then the higher rate is £80 so £194.6 x 52 and divided by 12 gives a monthly payment of £844.

Really, well maybe encourage her not to take whatever is said at face value, considering that she seems to believe that the neighbour receives PIP for her child, which is just not possible.

What's your hourly wage as 900 seems extremely low for 4 days a week up to 8pm?

She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets.

That is utterly total bollocks just so you know. Undiagnosed mild autism does not get you a grand a month.

I don’t think you are jealous of her because from what you’ve written - you don’t admire her. I think that while you’re striving and working hard for a better life it is possible to envy someone who seems to have it easy. Your life will improve and change and you’ll feel achievement and pride. Her life is unlikely to change at all.

I think you have used the wrong word - jealousy implies you want to be like her and that is not a great aspiration. I don't think it is unusual for people that are working to be annoyed about people they see living on benefits having a higher standard of living.

Concentrate on the future you are working towards and the example you are setting your children about working hard.