AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

[SquishmallowsS]

AIBU to think my kids wouldn’t care if I cancelled £7 a week child maintenance?

My ex pays £7 a week maintenance for our children because he’s been on benefits for the last 10 years. Sometimes it’s even been nothing because of debts being taken from his benefits first.

I’m honestly tempted to cancel it because the amount feels more insulting than helpful. £7 a week between more than one child barely covers anything these days.

I mentioned this before and people said my kids would be upset in future if they found out I’d cancelled it. But I genuinely can’t imagine children growing up and being angry that their mum didn’t pursue £7 a week from their dad. Who even discusses those details with their children anyway? Apparently they will ‘resent’ me. I wouldn’t think most single parents even discuss maintenance with their children but perhaps i’m wrong?

I could understand it if we were living in real poverty and that £7 meant the difference between having food in the cupboard, the electric staying on, or being able to buy essentials. In those circumstances I can see why a child might later feel differently. Equally, if it was hundreds of pounds a month and the children genuinely missed out on things because that money wasn’t being paid, then I can understand why they might care as adults. But if their needs were otherwise taken care of and they had a stable upbringing, I honestly don’t see most children caring that their mum stopped chasing £7 a week.

Also, my own mum never claimed maintenance for me because my father wasn’t around, and I honestly don’t care. I never went without anything growing up, so it’s never been something I’ve felt upset or deprived about.

AIBU to think most kids wouldn’t care about this?

If it requires you chasing it consistently I’d consider your time doing so to be worth more than the amount your are pursuing.

If you stop then their dad gets out of being financially responsible for your children. Yes its only £7 a week but its still something. If you don't really need it put it in a savings account for the children future?
My son's dad pays the same but ours goes towards the bills so 🤷

If you can do without set up saving accounts for the children and split it between them. It's not going to be much each week but in a year it's over 300 quid. How many children do you have?

Why not put the money into savings accounts for your children if you don't need it? It will be a reasonable sum of money to have as a lump sum when they are 18.

Also, I would think it would be bad to get your ex out of the habit of paying maintenance - hopefully his circumstances might improve in the future, and then his payments would increase?

If you've plenty of money otherwise then, no, I don't think they'll care.

If you put the £7 a week into a high interest account and just leave it until they're 18 it could be a nice chunk of money for them though, but again it depends on your wider finances.

I don’t know if they would care or not but I’m finding it hard to understand why you’d cancel it. You’re entitled to it and if things change for your kids father it may go up. If it doesn’t make a huge difference to your life just pop it in a savings account for them and let it collect interest. You never know what might happen in the future and you don’t want to regret your decision.

Im not asking if I should save it, thats not what it’s for. Im just asking if anyone’s kids would actually ‘resent’ as I don’t believe most kids would.

I wouldn't cancel it but I also wouldn't chase it. If it isnt paid then so be it. Thats on him. He knows he's not paying and he cant spin it that you turned it down.

You believe someone is going to get a job after 10 years? I had hope in the beginning but I'm not holding out for that anymore.

It’s for supporting your children. Setting them up with a savings account is supporting them.

I don't think your children would resent you for not needing 7 quid and not bothering chasing him for it, no.

Just saw you mentioned chasing it which changes my view a bit. If it is loads of life admin for not much gain I can see why that would be annoying!

To who? We don’t speak and he doesn’t see the children, I've also got all the letters but I imagine most single parents do not discuss maintenance with their children.

£7 doesnt support anyone. It’s for daily living expenses relating to the children. My son’s school trip to bowling next week cost more.

Set up an account it gets paid into and don't check it then give it to your kids when they're older. At least it should be a few grand for a rental deposit or something.

Are you actually asking if the stress of being reminded of how he’s a shit dad is worth £7 a week?

Yeah basically, it’s like a slap in the face and just reminds me how much he gets away with. Saving over x amount of years isnt going to change how I feel and if someone is complaining about getting £250 a month they are never told to save it and it’s xyz over 10 years they are just agreed with that it’s pathetic amount (I’ve seen the threads on here) so I’ve never understood why someone only getting £7 is always told to see the positives of it and think of it over a year etc rather than just agreeing it’s pathetic.

Okay. Don’t take it then? You are clearly don’t want too. we have no idea what your children may or may not feel in the future as we aren’t them, so if that’s what you want to know, no point in posting here.

I don’t think your kids will care.

None of us can give you the answer to that. Your kids may resent it or may not. You won’t know until you speak with them about it when they’re older!

And do most single parents discuss this with their children when they are older?

Thanks I agree.

My Mum had maintenance battles with my Dad and gave up in the end. If I was to resemt anyone it would be him for making her life so difficult- he used sending the cheque late and changing the amount monthly as a means of control and she couldn't face it I don't think.

As a kid, I’d probably be a bit resentful if my mum turned down me potentially getting £6.5k (not including any interest) when I was 18.

Chances are they'd never find out because you can tell them what you like if they ever ask but yes I do think some people might be restful if they found out you turned down an extra £350 a year for no real reason. It's obviously absolutely nothing in terms of raising a child but 300 quid is 300 quid and like pps have said that adds up over time. It's money for nothing, unless it brings you stress in which case you might decide your MH is worth that £350 a year.