AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

[SquishmallowsS]

AIBU to think my kids wouldn’t care if I cancelled £7 a week child maintenance?

My ex pays £7 a week maintenance for our children because he’s been on benefits for the last 10 years. Sometimes it’s even been nothing because of debts being taken from his benefits first.

I’m honestly tempted to cancel it because the amount feels more insulting than helpful. £7 a week between more than one child barely covers anything these days.

I mentioned this before and people said my kids would be upset in future if they found out I’d cancelled it. But I genuinely can’t imagine children growing up and being angry that their mum didn’t pursue £7 a week from their dad. Who even discusses those details with their children anyway? Apparently they will ‘resent’ me. I wouldn’t think most single parents even discuss maintenance with their children but perhaps i’m wrong?

I could understand it if we were living in real poverty and that £7 meant the difference between having food in the cupboard, the electric staying on, or being able to buy essentials. In those circumstances I can see why a child might later feel differently. Equally, if it was hundreds of pounds a month and the children genuinely missed out on things because that money wasn’t being paid, then I can understand why they might care as adults. But if their needs were otherwise taken care of and they had a stable upbringing, I honestly don’t see most children caring that their mum stopped chasing £7 a week.

Also, my own mum never claimed maintenance for me because my father wasn’t around, and I honestly don’t care. I never went without anything growing up, so it’s never been something I’ve felt upset or deprived about.

AIBU to think most kids wouldn’t care about this?

Get therapy.

Maybe I will use exes £7 to pay for it? Oh wait

Well, you say the money is for your children's upbringing, not to be saved for their future etc, so you probably shouldnt. Though his money could probably get you one session a month 🤣

It’s a pathetic amount and your kids won’t notice either way. If he won’t support his kids willingly and appropriately then cut that last tie. I’m sure your kids won’t starve losing their fathers contribution and won’t know anyway unless you tell them

Thank you im glad someone can understand why im trying to distance myself from him. If he doesn’t want them then we don’t want his money.

I'd claim the money regardless of your financial circumstances as it's the fathers duty to provide for his kids even if it is such a small amount. Put it into savings accounts for your kids. It'll tot up nicely & could go towards driving lessons or other needed things when they're older. It also confirms to your kids that their Dad did pay what he could which could be more a comfort to them than you not claiming it.

What comfort would it offer if it was taken out of his benefits by force? He does not pay it they take it before he sees it

You’d be surprised. Kids may know their dad is a total loser but they still want to feel when they’re older that they had something from him. However it was obtained.

Just wanted to make it clear it wasnt sent off his own back he doesn’t get a say and tried to tell Cms we were sorting it out between ourselves even though we have no contact. Because he didn’t want to pay.

He may not want to pay but he should pay. It may make him think twice about having any more kids he can abandon.

I don’t think £7 is gonna stop him reproducing 😂

It may be a pittance but it’s probably an annoyance for him as he hasn’t got much. Just giving up encourages these types to think they can walk away without any consequences. Which is how it was in the 1960s.

As I said he gets pip and looking it up it can be an extra £700 on top of benefits a month which is disregarded for maintenance purposes

It is crap how little from benefits/uc

and the £7 is from their uc £425 - was £400

if they get lwcra or pip that’s not included

plus uc has gone up £25 per month but we don’t get an increase

£7 a week for 3 kids is ridiculous really. I know it’s because he’s on benefits but it’s still pathetic andd if he doesn’t even bother seeing the kids either, that says it all. Any half decent dad would want to be involved regardless of money.

I honestly wouldn’t give him the £28 back every month. Just leave it there and let it build up, then use it to get yourself something nice at Christmas or on your birthday every year. Think of it as the one and only contribution he’s made 😂

Your kids sound cared for and provided for without him anyway, so I wouldn’t be rushing to hand the money back and make him feel pleased with himself for doing less than the bare minimum.

I’m sure they would resent the fact that their dad was only paying £7 more. I’m not sure kids even care either, aslong as they had a nice childhood etc then do they care where the money came from? You do you, and don’t care about the negativity around it. They haven’t lived a day in your shoes!

I doubt your children would resent missing out on £3.50 each per week. The only "consequence" I can think of should you stop the payments, might happen if they were ever to get in contact with their father when they are older. He might tell them you stopped the only contribution he was able to make because it wasn't good enough for you. He might spin it as, although not much money, it had meant a lot to at least pay something.

Only you know how likely any of that would be, but if it was even slightly possible, I would just let the payments continue.

He doesn’t pay it, it’s collect and pay because he refused. It’s taken by force before it even goes in his account, it’s deducted from the benefits office directly so he would have a struggle implying he wanted to pay it.

Is there something that your ex really hated? Like for example I’m incredibly gender critical so would hate to think a ‘donation’ was made in my name to a trans organisation. If there is something, and you really don’t want his little forced contribution, you could donate ‘his’ money towards a cause he really really hates. That might give you a little satisfaction and he doesn’t ‘gain’ 7 quid.