AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

[SquishmallowsS]

AIBU to think my kids wouldn’t care if I cancelled £7 a week child maintenance?

My ex pays £7 a week maintenance for our children because he’s been on benefits for the last 10 years. Sometimes it’s even been nothing because of debts being taken from his benefits first.

I’m honestly tempted to cancel it because the amount feels more insulting than helpful. £7 a week between more than one child barely covers anything these days.

I mentioned this before and people said my kids would be upset in future if they found out I’d cancelled it. But I genuinely can’t imagine children growing up and being angry that their mum didn’t pursue £7 a week from their dad. Who even discusses those details with their children anyway? Apparently they will ‘resent’ me. I wouldn’t think most single parents even discuss maintenance with their children but perhaps i’m wrong?

I could understand it if we were living in real poverty and that £7 meant the difference between having food in the cupboard, the electric staying on, or being able to buy essentials. In those circumstances I can see why a child might later feel differently. Equally, if it was hundreds of pounds a month and the children genuinely missed out on things because that money wasn’t being paid, then I can understand why they might care as adults. But if their needs were otherwise taken care of and they had a stable upbringing, I honestly don’t see most children caring that their mum stopped chasing £7 a week.

Also, my own mum never claimed maintenance for me because my father wasn’t around, and I honestly don’t care. I never went without anything growing up, so it’s never been something I’ve felt upset or deprived about.

AIBU to think most kids wouldn’t care about this?

I’d save it and put it in premium bonds for them.

I'm not trying to 'make it sound' like anything, I was going with the information you have provided 🤷‍♀️

But you clearly aren't interested in other opinions, so I don't know what the point of this thread is?

Go cut off your £7 a month and enjoy the virtuous glow it gives you for 'getting back at' your ex. He will not give a shiny shit.

people who say that it’s £364 a year don’t say that it’s a lot! They just say that it’s an amount you are willing to relinquish. They are doing the math for you. Yes it’s not a lot per year but what is bigger: £364 or £0? What is difficult to understand?

It’s not getting back at him, claiming is getting back at him as that seems more like out of spite than not claiming when the amount is so low.

And lots of posters have suggested I continue to claim it to spite him and get back at him which sounds even pettier to me and equally he won’t give a shit.

Well whatever your motivation would be is irrelevant- the fact is it is money that should be spent on or saved for your children. Like you say- ice cream or a magazine or whatever little treat they want. Saving it is not a devil option either, even if you think it’s peanuts. I don’t understand why are you so defensive about it.

NO! Just keep it to spite the bastard. Why do you want to give him 7£ a week? Cause that's what you'd be doing.

OK. Well then stop the payments if it makes you happier. Over and out.

I feel you're being deliberately obtuse now. Not one single poster over 15 pages has said its enough money, not one. We are all in agreement that its an embarrassingly small amount, that he should feel ashamed (which obviously he wont because he doesnt even care enough to see his children) and it is a travesty that he is getting away with it and it's like he doesn't have children, while you're raising three children single handedly. Everyone agrees with this, its a pittance.

People are saying that if you decline this measly amount then technically, you will be giving him £7 a week and they cant understand why you'd do that. Im in agreement, I wouldn't give him £28 a month, though of course he doesnt care about thirty quid, for me its the principle, you'd be giving him money that otherwise he wouldn't have had.

Again, to reiterate, of course it does nothing to contribute the costs of your three children. We all know this. Nobody is invalidating how unfair this is.

If its making you this angry after 10 years, then honestly, just cancel the claim, it isnt worth the detrimental impact its having on your mental health and wellbeing.

No point having a go at the posters. What is it you want from this thread?

It’s getting tedious now. Doesn’t matter what opinion anyone has OP will sound irate.

Enough now, you’re getting tedious. Not one person on this thread thinks £7 a week for three kids is ok. NOT ONE!!

Get yourself some therapy or something because if you have this belligerent attitude to everyone in your life then you need to talk it out with someone professional.

No one is shouting about how inadequately small this amount of money is because that's so obvious there's no need.

Cancelling the payment is cutting off your nose to spite your face

Take the money, stop giving it so much thought

Then why cut it off? Surely something is better than nothing?

You sound like a massive drama llama who is still way too invested in her ex.

So first you said I want nothing to do with my ex and im trying to erase him, now im too invested in him. 🤷‍♀️

But you are a drama llama. I think you have a combination of very justifiable anger at your ex but you’re also rather enjoying being belligerent and argumentative to posters.

The comment isnt aimed at you it’s aimed at the poster who told me im trying to erase him not im obsessed with him, which one is it. I want to cancel the claim because I don’t want any connection to him.

Op, do what's best for your mental health, if that means canceling the claim so be it. If it's causing you a lot of anguish it isn't worth it.

Then do it! Cancel it. Job done.

You know what squish, we’ve all lost interest, you are boring us all, you clearly didn’t need to ask us. You’ve been extremely rude and negative, whilst we respond trying helpful. Cold hard truth needed here. I’m outta here.

Then cancel the claim and dont give it another thought.

Agree. I’m bored with it now. If an OP starts a thread then has no interest in any advice and gets shirty with everyone, that’s my cue to call it a day.

It’s fine, this thread can die out now, im glad you can all see the positives of a father paying £7 a week for kids he doesn’t see im sure he will be thrilled to read how positive you all think it is.

No-one has said him paying £7 is positive.

Get some help processing your justifiable anger before bitterness destroys you. He’s a horrible person but this isn’t healthy.