To tell in-laws to do one?

[FriendlyMedusa]

Okay obviously I won't phrase it like that, but DH and I are thinking about sending a message to his family's WhatsApp chat asking them to back off for a bit.

In the last month DH has been made redundant, our beloved cat had to be put to sleep, and I had my fingers broken in a random attack by a stranger. We're both a mess and the last thing we want is to host his parents. They do know about all of these things happening.

Last week they (MIL and FIL) texted that they "must" visit for 3 days in May. We said May is really busy and we're too stressed, how about June? - No reply.
Today they sent a text saying they ARE coming round for 3 days... From tomorrow! They live at the opposite end of the country, FTR, and we do not see them often. DH reiterates that we don't want to and are busy. Cue barrage of guilt-tripping, insulting texts from them:

"You seem to lead very chaotic lives but that is no excuse to not spend time with us."
"You have really upset [MIL]. This is not acceptable. "
"You will not be welcome at our home again until you apologise to [MIL]."
"We are still driving up tomorrow. If you will not at least meet us for a couple of hours, there will be consequences."

Whew. I don't want to reward this behaviour (it happens every few months) but I'm tempted to just for an easier life. Help?

I wouldn't even answer the door

What are the consequences?

If all has gone as stated, I would tell them to do one. I hate when people try to emotionally blackmail or guilt trip after they've had an explanation.

I haven’t voted as I think it depends on whether they are planning on staying with you or on a hotel. Do you have children?

I'd be out all day.

Very unreasonable if it transpired as described.

Lock up the house and go away for the weekend.
Anywhere - a friend maybe?
Cheapest BnB you can find.
After the shit you've had to deal with, fuck 'em.

eta - I assumed they'd stay with you, OP?
If not, move your car to the next street and keep blinds shut just in case they do a drive-by.

What does your DH want to do?

"I don't know who you think you are but we aren't children to be threatened with consequences. We've told you no so if you want to waste your time driving here then you do that, we won't be seeing you. In fact, you're not welcome in our home either until you can act like respectful adults."

Have they helped you financially? They seem controlling and entitled.

Why can’t you meet them for a couple of hours?

There is more to this than OP has stated though. OP if I were in your shoes I will NOT want them over right at this point. If your husband agrees. That is awesome. June would probably be better for you all. However that being said, let’s look at it from their point of view and this is why I said there is more to this. People don’t randomly act demanding unless they have a reason and that reason isn’t clear from the post. Do they really miss their son and you in their lives? They are older and maybe feel lonely and ignored? They may not be showing it in the right way but they way your feelings are valid. Theirs might be too. It took me time to realize that my in-laws were demanding simply because they missed having the family closer together and felt so left out when everyone had spuses and lives. Mine were entitled and for years showed up 10 days every month 😢😢😢. However I did push back - so I will not tell you not to push back - as I grew older I grew patient and now it warms my heart to see my husband hanging with his Mummy. I can never be his mum and now I have teenage son with love interests I get it better. All of that being said, MIL know my boundaries now and they do respect it. No more 10 days stretches. Max 5 days every 4 months 😆😆. You don’t want your partner’s support to turn to resentment later in life for pushing his parents away. Again I don’t know the back story and they could have been shitty to you both for years.

Put the phone on mute, lock the doors and stay away from the windows. They sound very entitled ande I couldn't be bothered to even entertain them. Hope you feel better soon x

Depends. If you’re happy to burn the bridges completely then send the message from @ThejoyofNC above.

Personallu I would say ‘OK we will meet you for a couple of hours at [nearby garden centre / cafe / zoo whatever] but that is all we can handle with everything that’s going on’ and while you’re there, reiterate the horrendous time you’re having and why you need quiet time and space to deal with it all.

Maybe they think their presence will be a help (unlikely from their texts). Maybe they have some news and want to share it in person. Maybe, probably, they ARE overbearing twats.

Like I said, depends if you want to blow it all up with no return.

Wow! That's so full on! I would be really tempted to get online asap and book a weekend away with DH. I can't stand people, no sorry, family that try and blackmail you. You've both had a horrendous time of it lately and for them to completely to ignore that would totally piss me off. Pack your bags and even just jump in the car and see where it takes you. A nice weekend just for the two of you. Fuck their consequences, you're not 5 years old!!! If you don't put your foot down now this will happen time and time again. Good luck and get packing 😉

'Inviting yourselves to our home when we are through a difficult time and have no wish to host is thoughtless at best. Please reflect on your threats of 'consequences'. We are so disappointed in your lack of thought and support for us'.

I wouldn’t even bother responding, they sound unhinged.

Lock up your house and go out for the day. Even better, take a little break somewhere, just a premier inn if money is tight.

You deserve a treat after everything you have been through. I would also put them on a temporary (maybe permanent) block on your phones.

I’d let them come and then make them literally do everything for you, citing the broken fingers.

Call them and say sorry, you actually get their point now and it’s now great timing because you need someone willing to run around after you both. And don’t let them not, sit on your arse, if they don’t do anything they get Pot Noodles. No cups of tea, ensure the house is a dump, they have to make up the bed etc.

If they whinge say ‘well we did say it was a difficult time for us to entertain’.

How dare they. I’d tell your DH to reply and say you won’t be guilt tripped into a visit when you’ve said now isn’t the right time, and if they insist on coming, it will be a wasted trip as you’ll be out. It was perfectly reasonable to suggest June instead of May, and batshit for them to insist they are coming anyway. No you are not. I mean imagine the atmosphere, would they want to spend 3 days with someone who has made it clear they are now welcomed (rightly so) right now? They are crazy.

Doesn’t sound like they are coming to help and support you at all. They should accept your reasons and not visit.

I bet the consequences they are threatening will be to disinherit your DH.

No, we've never asked for support even though they are very well-off. DH has been financially independent since 18.

One of the consequences they bring up from time to time is cutting DH out of their will. It just makes me sad that they think we care about that, or that we're going to be bought.

Why should they? OP and her DH made it clear they weren’t up for a visit this month. In-laws have ridden roughshod over that. If they see them for a few hours it will turn into the three days they specifically said no to.

Just reply with “do what you need to do but we have been clear we cannot and won’t host you until next month, so please don’t come.”

Have they always been a pair of selfish cunts OP?

Are they worried about your situation and in a misguided way wish to visit to discuss eg your DH redundancy etc with a view to help?

We need more information as it’s hard to call without knowing about your relationship previously.

DH is furious and wants to just avoid and blank so he doesn't have to say something unkind. He has low self-esteem and always feels worse after we've seen them unfortunately.

They wouldn't technically be staying with us but in a mini-camper outside... It's more or less staying with us in terms of inconvenience.

I knew they'd dangle their will as a carrot. 💐

What does your DH want to do?

ETA

Sorry - cross posted.

Can you lock up and get away somewhere?