To tell in-laws to do one?

[FriendlyMedusa]

Okay obviously I won't phrase it like that, but DH and I are thinking about sending a message to his family's WhatsApp chat asking them to back off for a bit.

In the last month DH has been made redundant, our beloved cat had to be put to sleep, and I had my fingers broken in a random attack by a stranger. We're both a mess and the last thing we want is to host his parents. They do know about all of these things happening.

Last week they (MIL and FIL) texted that they "must" visit for 3 days in May. We said May is really busy and we're too stressed, how about June? - No reply.
Today they sent a text saying they ARE coming round for 3 days... From tomorrow! They live at the opposite end of the country, FTR, and we do not see them often. DH reiterates that we don't want to and are busy. Cue barrage of guilt-tripping, insulting texts from them:

"You seem to lead very chaotic lives but that is no excuse to not spend time with us."
"You have really upset [MIL]. This is not acceptable. "
"You will not be welcome at our home again until you apologise to [MIL]."
"We are still driving up tomorrow. If you will not at least meet us for a couple of hours, there will be consequences."

Whew. I don't want to reward this behaviour (it happens every few months) but I'm tempted to just for an easier life. Help?

yeah cos obvs all old folks are batshit.....well known fact innit

So glad you are united on this. It makes things a million times easier. My husband becomes seriously toxic when the awful in-laws are doing their worst.

Not ageism. Read the post I was replying to and you'll see my point.

I commented on that post too. I call "I assume that you are very old yourself" ageism

Obviously irony is beneath you.

Thanks for the update. There must be a fair amount of trauma for your husband to process. I’m sorry you’re both having to deal with this. Wishing you both the best of luck moving forwards - him for managing it and you in supporting him. Well done to him for not giving in to them, your support on this will mean a lot to him I’m sure.

Ok I am not gonna read 17 pages of this thread ,
Maybe u or dh can say the following :
"Mum in law,and father in law/mum & dad...we want to say first that we love you, respect you and want you to be in our lives /spend time with us & your grandchildren, however you have been told what times suit us, and that we are having a stressful time, but you aren't listening to us or respecting pur boundaries. We are beyond knackered, between childcare, working and all the rest. You seem to expect us to respect/give into your demands & acuse us of being disrespectful without having any respect of 'what's unacceptable for us' . We are adults in our own homes, with our own responsibilities. So if you want to visit, we kindly ask that you do what's mutually beneficial and not just beneficial to you. We respect you, so please do us the honour of doing the same to us. We know you miss us, we miss you too & gc do also. We love you. But we aren't children to be told off. We are adults. Hope you can understand our point of view & tyvm for your understanding. "

fuck the fuck off would be shorter and more appropriate