AIBU to be upset that preschool is not supporting potty training?

[If123]

Hi All,

am I being unreasonable to be upset/ put out by preschool being unsupportive with potty training daughter?

DD is 2.5 years and has just started preschool after Easter so has been going to the preschool for 3 weeks or so. We are also potty training which has started a week ago. She is doing really well at home and has had a few accidents to be expected but is doing well weeing on the potty. She is only going to preschool a couple of afternoons a week. Anyway when I’ve gone to pick her up from preschool I have been called into the office. They have said that she is not weeing on the potty at preschool and had a couple of accidents and they suggested putting her in pull up nappies. She had been in pull ups for months previously and not made any progress potty training. They said she had tried to run off while being changed and that it (having accidents) was disrupting her play time. I was quite upset because I felt this would confuse her and put back her progress. I have also seen the health visitor recently who agreed we should encourage her as much as possible and put her in normal pants to help her feel when she is wet. They have also been critical about her on other days saying she can’t drink from a cup properly and is very ‘busy’ and won’t sit still. AIBU to be upset and anoyed at the lack of support from preschool? Do they just not like her? It’s upset me they don’t seem to have a nice or supporting or encouraging thing to say.

Please remember you have one child to focus on. They have a room full.

in an ideal world they would have time to persuade every child onto the potty but in reality it can’t work like that.

They have asked you to put her in pullups as she is not complying with potty use at preschool.

This is not an unreasonable request.

It's your job to potty train. Not theirs.

It's pre school not a private nursery.

Can you put knickers on under the pull ups? Then she’d still feel wet and uncomfortable but with no mess.

Private nursery and they should help. This doesn't sound like that situation though.

Maybe she is not ready for preschool yet. Can you take her out and put her back in September once she's dry and able to do the other things they have pointed out?

Our preschool wouldnt take them unless they were potty trained.

If she’s only there for an afternoon but is having multiple accidents, no successes and is refusing to try or be changed then I’m not sure what exactly you want them to do other than let her wee everywhere.

If you’re not dependent on the childcare I’d take her out for a week to focus on it at home then agree an action plan with nursery e.g. wee when she gets there for familiarisation with the preschool loo and to make sure she starts the session with an empty bladder, try again half way through the session and whilst they won’t offer bribes as it’s unfair to the other kids I would see if they would do a sticker chart that you could turn into rewards at home.

Agree with others that if this is a pre-school you should wait until half term or summer holidays, (or have done it before she started, or take her out for a week) not expect them to be involved.

Is she able to recognise when she needs a wee and can go herself or does she need prompting? It’s tricky in a group setting liek that as you have a whole room of children to manage and of course they are often so busy playing that they forget or are too busy to go to the potty.

Sounds like they've tried it for a week and it's causing disruption.

Yea sorry, my children went to two different pre-schools and both required children to be potty trained before they started. In practical terms they just aren't able to do the prompting and reminding that potty training takes, or the clean ups when it goes wrong.

I worked in a preschool and we absolutely would support in this, but we wouldn't recommend making that change so soon after starting. A couple of afternoons a week for 3-4 weeks isn't enough for her to have fully settled into their ways and routines yet, without throwing potty training into the mix.

Why is she in a preschool at 2.5? You need a nursery. Where I am in SE, children start preschool at 3. Youngest are August born just turned 3, oldest could turn 4 within days of starting. All are toilet trained by 3.

You are lucky that they are not refusing to take her until she is potty trained.

Agree they are trying to tell OP that child is not ready for some situations

They can't be bothered cleaning her up. Those saying it's a parents job to train are quite stupid really. Are you the same who think mums should be working full time as soon as maternity leave is done? We can't do both, if both parents need to work, then nurseries need to be supporting potty training. 2 is a perfectly reasonable age to be doing this.
I worked in a nursery, we never had any issue supporting toilet training. It was very much seen as part of the job.

She isn't at a nursery though, she is at a pre-school, only a couple of afternoons a week. They are different.

Not heard of a preschool this unsupportive. Do not put her back in nappies/pull ups. It will set her back. Insist they work with you on this.

No, they're not in practice. Same ratios, same curriculum so same staff availability to support with toilet training.

In terms of ratio it’s the same.

But parents do need to be realistic to how much time nursery can give to potty training their child. They can’t watch for signs in the same way, they can’t sit for prologned periods and with everything else going on can’t always remind children.

We will do our best to support but sometimes especially in the early days what seems like good progress at home doesn’t translate to working in nursery.

It's not ideal but I would just tell your child that nappies are now just for sleep and preschool. Get her to try for the toilet before it goes on and then take it off as soon as you can after pick up. It might make training take longer than a strict nappy cold turkey but people do manage to compromise on this and still train ok.

If you aren't working (I am assuming you might not be as she is there for so little time) could you try leaving her for an hour only and making her wee first for a few days? Then build up to 90 minutes and then two hours? So that you don't disrupt her training but they also don't have to deal with it as it sounds like they can't. (And put a pull up over pants)