AIBU to be upset that preschool is not supporting potty training?

[If123]

Hi All,

am I being unreasonable to be upset/ put out by preschool being unsupportive with potty training daughter?

DD is 2.5 years and has just started preschool after Easter so has been going to the preschool for 3 weeks or so. We are also potty training which has started a week ago. She is doing really well at home and has had a few accidents to be expected but is doing well weeing on the potty. She is only going to preschool a couple of afternoons a week. Anyway when I’ve gone to pick her up from preschool I have been called into the office. They have said that she is not weeing on the potty at preschool and had a couple of accidents and they suggested putting her in pull up nappies. She had been in pull ups for months previously and not made any progress potty training. They said she had tried to run off while being changed and that it (having accidents) was disrupting her play time. I was quite upset because I felt this would confuse her and put back her progress. I have also seen the health visitor recently who agreed we should encourage her as much as possible and put her in normal pants to help her feel when she is wet. They have also been critical about her on other days saying she can’t drink from a cup properly and is very ‘busy’ and won’t sit still. AIBU to be upset and anoyed at the lack of support from preschool? Do they just not like her? It’s upset me they don’t seem to have a nice or supporting or encouraging thing to say.

Because all children are different and you do it when they're ready..?

It's your job to potty training your kid.

But the potty is there, she is refusing to use it?

Our preschool starts at 2.

They are responsible for supporting the toilet training of all children!! And achieving toilet training IS about achieving continence - continence is about ability to recognise the need to pass urine and faeces and control doing so in an appropriate way. A child who is incontinent at 12 will look just like a child that has not been toilet train at 3.

Learning to sit on a potty is part of potty training.

I don't get this comment???

It's definitely not a "can't be bothered situation" they have tried if the pre school is full to ratio then they physically can't keep having to clean up mess of an area and a child, its not fair on other children who need care and attention too, the pre school has offered some suggestions that will work in the pre schools benefit whilst still trying to help parents. If the parent doesn't like it then they could take out for a week to focus on the potty training, but also ontop of this pre school is still new to the little one so its a lot for them to have on their shoulders

This question wouldn't have been asked if preschool had full contractual responsibility for potty training.
Achieving continence and incontinence are completely different things- incontinence is recognising the need to pass urine or faeces but being unable to control it. The fact an incontinent and un potty trained child look the same is irrelevant- it is NOT the same.

Incontinence also includes not recognising the need to pass urine or faeces. It’s not just about control. Do you think profoundly disabled individuals who are unable to recognise urge are not incontinent? My DC continence nurse spent a lot of time on recognising urge. Indeed enuresis happens because children do not respond to urge by waking up.

The fact an incontinent and un potty trained child look the same is irrelevant- it is NOT the same.

How would you distinguish a 3 with incontinence from an un potty trained 3 year old in a nursery setting? Or even a medical setting?

If you are in England, and the setting offers funded sessions, you cannot be refused a place because your child is not toilet trained.

In some areas, pre-schools and nurseries are the same thing, particularly if they are school-based.

Several schools in my area take children from 2 years old. Some have a school ‘nursery’ and some have a school ‘pre-school’. They both take the same age of children (2, 3 or 4 years old). The names are interchangeable.

This is literally their work to support EACH child in the room. This is how they advertise their services.

To do a potty training you have to be consistent across environments. Otherwise you send mixed signals to a child and that would disrupt progress. This is how learning works.

Pre school is not a toilet training setting. Obviously they can support children in toileting correctly but a child who isn’t toilet trained should be in a crèche style facility.

It seems the pre school started at 2? How would they not be involved in toilet training?

Preschools dont have enough staff to help potty train I know of some who wont take unless fully trained. Private nurseries will help you as they have more staff.

https://help-for-early-years-providers.education.gov.uk/health-and-wellbeing/toilet-training

I 100% agree. But the child has barely been in the preschool a few weeks and only a few hours a week at that. It's a new environment and a a new distraction so it'll be very tiough to be consistent when she hardly knows the caregivers or setup yet.

I would have waited another month or so, or taken her out for a week or 2 to make sure she really had the hang of it.

There's too much going on for her.

I waited until holidays (1 Easter and 1 summer) as it’s not pre-school or private nurseries job to potty train. I’m sure they would love to support but they don’t have the time to focus on it.

I am also not getting the thing about private

I think they have enough to do

What other aspects of crucial child development could they claim not to have time for?

Yes, but that doesn't mean you can expect the preschool to potty train them, they are well within their rights to insist on pull-ups.

No, they aren’t. It’s all about a dialogue between the parent and the setting. Settings absolutely should be working with families to support toilet training.

It’s a process, some children get it very quickly, some don’t.

There is a huge issue in schools with higher and higher numbers of children starting school not toilet trained.

The Best Start in Life programme is providing funding for family hubs to develop support programmes for 0-5s and one of the areas of focus is on toilet training.