AIBU to be upset that preschool is not supporting potty training?

[If123]

Hi All,

am I being unreasonable to be upset/ put out by preschool being unsupportive with potty training daughter?

DD is 2.5 years and has just started preschool after Easter so has been going to the preschool for 3 weeks or so. We are also potty training which has started a week ago. She is doing really well at home and has had a few accidents to be expected but is doing well weeing on the potty. She is only going to preschool a couple of afternoons a week. Anyway when I’ve gone to pick her up from preschool I have been called into the office. They have said that she is not weeing on the potty at preschool and had a couple of accidents and they suggested putting her in pull up nappies. She had been in pull ups for months previously and not made any progress potty training. They said she had tried to run off while being changed and that it (having accidents) was disrupting her play time. I was quite upset because I felt this would confuse her and put back her progress. I have also seen the health visitor recently who agreed we should encourage her as much as possible and put her in normal pants to help her feel when she is wet. They have also been critical about her on other days saying she can’t drink from a cup properly and is very ‘busy’ and won’t sit still. AIBU to be upset and anoyed at the lack of support from preschool? Do they just not like her? It’s upset me they don’t seem to have a nice or supporting or encouraging thing to say.

Your preschool is breaking the law as this is disability discrimination.

It's not their job to potty train kids they don't have the time around here pre school won't accept a child that's not potty trained already

But saying she can't hold a cup?
I tried potty training too early for DS - it didn't work- did it just before 3 rd birthday and it did work- pretty much overnight- I think this was because he was ready, not because of how I did it.
The main thing is ensure it's not too stressful for her. If bits of it delay a few months at this stage may not matter so much. She'll get there.
But are they complaining about the cup thing?
Some set ups can get wedded to unrealistic ideas about what exactly should be happening and in turn worry parents. Kids motor skills are just sometimes still developing. I'd have thought that normal for her age as are the accidents. Especially when distracted in play.

How does not being potty trained qualify as a disability?

It is their job to support the development of young children and that includes supporting potty training. This is nursery not school.

If she's refusing to use the potty though, how else can they (essential strangers) help support more at this stage?

Not potty training - incontinence! Incontinence is profoundly disabling for many people and often associated with other disabilities including spinal bifida, autism, cerebral palsy, neurogenic bladder, learning disability, congenital deformations…. Many of these children will not have been diagnosed at 2.5 but it will still be a feature of their disability. By excluding those who have not achieved continence you are discriminating against those with disabilities who may be delay in achieving continence or never achieve it.

They certainly shouldn't accept 2.5 year olds if they don't want to be involved in accidents. Actually should they be working with children if they are so rigid about accidents? It must feel awful for the kids. What is it - 3 strikes and you are out?

Maybe also not accept children with mobility difficulties if they don’t want to support that, or children who don’t have a required level of vocabulary or speaks little English, or a child with asthma or allergic to shellfish…

As you suggest, maybe they should rethink whether they are right for the childcare industry.

Or maybe they are experienced enough to know that this isn't the appropriate time for that particular child to be training? Given the child barely knows them so is likely not comfortable enough and that the timing of just joining preschool is already a very new distracting thing. Another month or 6 weeks would make a huge difference.

This would mean that preschool would be responsible for potty training all children, not being potty trained is not being incontinent- it is not being potty trained, incontinence has a medical definition-not being potty trained does not qualify.

She’s in a new and exciting place and if she is barely toilet trained she will have a lot of accidents due to all the distractions.

Some children prefer using a toilet to potties at nursery so perhaps they could try the toilet instead?

We always support toilet training but we have a dedicated 2-3 year old room with experienced staff in supporting this stage. Is the preschool set up for two year olds or is it mixed with 3-4 year olds?

Ok so their ' experienced' process is-
Stipulate children have to be toilet trained, which may or may not happen at any age since development is different,
call it a pre school but still admit toddlers who are not pre school
Suck it and see if the child has ' accidents' over 2 weeks and make an arbitrary judgement about why,

Then refuse to co operate with parents efforts to support the child until no accidents can be guarenteed.
What then?
I was wondering if she's only there for a couple of hours how often can she be weeing. That it disrupts her play? That sounds like an odd thing to say.

You've made up a lot of bullshit in your comment.

Unless you can have a conversation where you don't just bring up imaginary scenarios, I won't be engaging in your stories.

The nursery doesn't want to follow the health advice. My post is fine. Yours is however rude and you are not engaging in further discussion -which is your right. Enjoy your day.

You made up 4 "facts" about the preschool that you cannot know to be true... so no, your post isn't fine. It's completely made up.

Have a lovely day making up stories.

Don't send her to preschool until she's potty trained. Take her out and start again later. Most dont accept non potty trained kids anyway.

I've not made anything up. But I am checking Do you want to engage in a discussion or not? Because you seem to want to but you are saying you don't.

this would be explicit in the contract you signed, l suspect that this is not the case, also it depends what you mean by "support" if they consider it's too early they might well suggest pull ups. Sorting out accidents,will be part of their remit , but is very different from them actually potty training for you- this is only a reasonable expectation if you have a nanny, preschool is not designed, or priced for that level of hands on.

My son was never having accidents at home but was at pre school, there’s so much going on they just want to play and still kids in nappies around them which must be confusing.

I put him back in nappies for school and toilet as normal at home, over the Easter hols we worked on going to the toilet more.

Bit of bribery that he gets an ice cream from the van after school on Friday if he went all week without an accident - worked a treat

DC has too many distractions and is not able to manage so well with new skills in this environment (wanting to play), which is understandable.

It’s not that they don’t like her it’s simply unmanageable for them and they are trying to reach a compromise.

Your expectations are unrealistic. It’s easier to do toilet training over a period of time at home, like during summer holidays.

I booked two weeks annual leave to really concentrate on it and that really helped, we spent most of the time at home and found it easier, that way she went back to nursery afterwards pretty much trained x

Pre school sounds like the wrong description for any setting attended by a 2.5 year old. I’d have her in a setting which supports the age and stage she’s at.

Why do parents not potty training earlier ?

I'm so sorry OP, this sounds like an incredibly unsupportive environment. Do you have any other options - nursery, childminder etc.?

I'm a mum of a very fidgety potty-training two year old and our childminder is amazing. Maybe a smaller setting would be better if they can't cope? She's going to need to get out of her pull ups at some point so I don't know what they expect?!