To wonder if "kids don't get any easier" is just selective memory

[Octagonchecker]

I'm in the thick of it with little kids so my view may be coloured but...when I ask people when it gets easier they say "when they're about 30!" Or "they don't get easier, they just have different problems". I'm struggling to imagine this right now honestly. I can't relax and start doing anything leisure-wise in the evening because there's a strong chance my toddler will wake up. I don't sleep more than 5 broken hours most nights. I spend every meal time getting up and down, I never get to eat a meal in one go. I spend every moment I'm with my toddler monitoring his safety in some way. We have no family nearby so me and DH can't go anywhere or do anything without the kids. How can older kids be harder than this!? Surely being able to tend to your basic physical needs makes a massive difference??

I agree with you - it must be bollocks because having a two year old is unquestionably easier than having a newborn for example. Yeah still all encompassing but not like some kind of food/sleep deprivation experiment in the same way. She can go and find her cup of water and drink it when she needs it! She can find a toy and play! She can even tell me what she needs (sometimes).

I agree with you OP. Mine are late teens now and the hardest bit was when they were under 3. Some teens are an absolute nightmare though - I've been lucky with mine.

I think you get less physically tired, but the emotional issues get worse.

Most 3 year old are bundles of energy with tantrums over toys or biscuits.

15yos have friendship issues, bullying, exams, boy/girlfriends. They can get involved in more risky behaviour.

(And then some develop MH issues due to life and you don't even get the independence.)

I mean yes….

but my teen had serious MH issues and being on 24/7 suicide watch isn’t fun either

I have an 8 and 4 yr old and every single year that passes is easier. When they are tiny every fibre of your being is keeping them alive, nothing at any point has been as all consuming as my eldest as a colicky baby with health problems who never slept. Not toddlers. Pre schoolers. Neurodivergent meltdowns or school refusal, all hard. None as hard. Every stage so far has had its difficult parts but j go to the toilet alone fairly frequently now, most nights I get 6 hours of largely uninterrupted sleep. That's only been for the past year. Nothing is as hard as sleep deprivation.

Yeah it's just bullshit trotted out to scare parents like all the "just you wait"ers. My 2 year old is infinitely easier than she was a year ago.

I think it's different for different people. I completely disagree with pp who said that a 2 year old is easier than a newborn...a newborn stays wherever you put it! Toddlers are a bloody nightmare!

Mine are older teens/adults now and they're absolutely delightful. Do I worry when they're out and about? Yes. Would I swap this for never being able to take my eyes off them for a second? No way!

They absolutely get easier, hang in there.

4 is such a game changer, especially with a neurotypical child, the level of intense watchfulness reduces, it's wonderful.

That 24/7 relentless parenting of the under 5’s is hard. It does get easier of course in one way. But you still worry about them and the older they get the less clear cut are the answers on how to help them. During the teenage years their undeveloped minds are making decisions that will affect the rest of their lives at times.

Of course it does. There are stresses and strains the whole time but you can go out in the evening, you can lie at the weekend. They can do their own laundry and cook tea for the family. The problems and the joys are different. Even now when my oldest is heading towards 40 and my youngest is newly married I still worry about them. But I don't need to get a taxi to school to drop off a musical instrument or games kit or sit up all night because of them has tummy bug!

When I had one child I thought I would never cope with two. After number three four and five were a walk in the park!

Despite ASD related anxiety my teens are a breeze compared to newborns. At least I get to sleep now and we don’t need babysitters. They can please themselves when insomnia strikes rather than keeping me awake.

Of course it gets easier. Mine are pre-teens and teens. Several of my friends have babies and toddlers. My life is SO much easier. They are so much fun instead of needing to be constantly minded.

Disclaimer to my comment above, I started age 2.5. But the preschool years were tiring, but for both DC the 15+ was far tougher emotionally.

It also depends if you get a 'sleepy newborn' I didn't, either time, both children were incredibly alert and desparate from interaction straight out of the womb. Eldest could roll around 3?5 months, crawled at 6, walked unaided at 8. I only realised how odd that was when my second didn't crawl until after 8 months and walked at 15 months. I think a hard baby is harder than an easy toddler and vice versa

It's bollocks in my experience. Mine are 8 and 10 and are dead easy. They've been easy since they were 4 and 6.

They sleep through the night, can be reasoned with / threatened/ bribed, get themselves dressed, get their own drink or snack, tidy their rooms.

Yes - the “just you wait” thing is so interesting. Who looks as a struggling, in pain, heavily pregnant woman and says “just you wait til the baby’s here!” or something with a cute 6 month old and tuts “just you wait for the XYZ month sleep regression!” It’s a fascinating psychology 😆

I agree but my caveat is that I think there is some truth in "little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems". Teens can give you worries that toddlers don't and you realise you have less and less time to "turn it around" before they're adults.

But yeah, it's great to be able to just leave them on their own.

I have a 5yo almost 3 yo and 1 yo. The 5 year old is the easiest hands down!!! They do get easier as older with the exception of toddler is harder than newborn. I agree with PP newborn stays put and toddler is a whirlwind. My 3 yo is slowly getting easier and I can see my 1 yo now beginning to replace her as the most challenging child…

I think it depends. Newborns I found easy, love two year olds, my eldest I’ve found has got more difficult each year since he turned three, who knows how I’ll find the older years. Maybe it gets less physically difficult but then other challenges.

Mine were far far easier as toddlers/ younger primary school age than teenagers.
Yes i can have a bath/go out/sleep all night now. But undiagnosed ND leading to EBSA/severe anxiety have been so hard. Trying to find things they want to do is so hard.
Give me days in the park and muddy puddles any day!

Sweet spot is 6-10 yrs IMHO

It’s bollocks.

Currently at teen/tween stage and I can tell you without any hesitation that 11 & 13 is soooooooo much easier than baby/toddler/infant school.

I get sleep. I can reason with them. They know right and wrong. Etc etc etc.

I think it very much depends on the child. I found newborns far easier than toddlers.

One of mine between 7 and 14 was very, very difficult, but now as a young adult is an absolute delight.

My other was delightful until 16, and has been an endless source of stress and angst ever since. I’d have him back as a toddler in a heartbeat.

I think people who've been through it should be believed when they say how it was for them.

Mine are in their 20s and no, there has never been an easier time ime. Just different times.

The challenges have been different but they've never been absent.

Well I found newborns easier than toddlers but it does get easier. It gets hard again once in the teens imo.