AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

Because touch is how babies and family have bonded for millenia. Because there is nothing quite as magical as a newborn. Because it's a health, loving response to want to hold a child that you're welcoming into your family and community.

Every month they are so different from the last in the first year. Being forbidden to hold your new beloved grandchild or sibling, niece or nephew is unkind at best, and batshit in the absence of a medical reason.

Even my next door neighbour invited me to hold her baby when he was three days old. I've been babysitting, sharing celebrations and milestones for his whole life. For close family to be refused? Either neurotic or paranoid.

@pizzaforwho No it's not. It's basically if the parents are ridiculous, people lose interest.

I totally agree.

A new baby is a joy. Having people around who are thrilled to welcome a new baby is an incredible time. My close friends and I were all champing at the bit to see each other immediately after birth and to cuddle the newborns. I can count at least seven friends whose babies I saw when they were just a few hours old and vice versa.

If I’d said ‘stay away’ or ‘no touching’, they’d rightly think me certifiable.

It’s good for babies to be cuddled. It’s good for them to know that the world is welcoming and full of people who hold them with love.

North American?

Completely ridiculous, and will probably backfire when baby has poor immunity. But their baby, so smile nod and roll your eyes to the other adults when they look away…

One of my favourite memories of my dear late fil, I walked into my sitting room and he was standing by the patio doors looking out to the garden cradling my dd and singing her a french lullaby that he learnt during the second world war. He died when she was three months old.
I think the current trend of putting babies in Dettol bubbles isn't healthy and really rather sad.

A little information is worse than none sometimes. People have heard "the baby's immune system doesn't kick in till 3 months old" and think that the baby is defenceless till then, when effectively it has the mother's immunity for longer than that, from blood shared in pregnancy. The same mums often "choose not to breastfeed because it's my body my choice" when that's far more beneficial for preventing illness than banning a grandparent from cuddling the baby.

Yanbu but they will eventually understand, probably when they have their second baby.

Totally ridiculous. When I had small children I was desperate for the GPs to come and give me a break for 5 mins, unfortunately, they all lived hundreds of miles away!

I'm sure that babies benefit from being social from a young age and can't really understand why people have these strange rules.

That’s lovely.

One of my favourite memories is of walking into the house six hours after my 2nd was born, and my parents and 3 siblings were all in the sitting room. Such a special moment.

Definitely OTT but I do think new parents have the right to decline visits for as long as they feel is necessary and to stipulate eg. not kissing a baby (as babies can, and do, die from contracting oral herpes from adult relatives who insist on kissing them). Seeing an ex's relative receiving visitors and serving drinks to male visitors just a couple of days after her c-section made me feel a bit sick.

Ridiculous, and pretty horrible

I would do the opposite: I’d visit as much as they invited me to. I expect with time they will loosen up. But you don’t know everything about your sibling and their spouse. They may have had losses, scary test results, perinatal mental health problems. Also I think Covid has shifted the attitude generally towards infection. Was your sibling of a formative age during Covid? Also the risks around things like cold sores are genuinely scary, and perhaps content they’ve been exposed to on social media has ramped that up.

They are clearly waiting until after the jabs, which does have some rationale. Meningitis has been in the news recently.

Meet them with compassion, is what I’d say, and I expect you’d be holding the baby in no time. Stay away when they might need support and you risk cutting off your nose to spite your face.

TBF tiktok showed me a significant number of clips of babies who had RSV and their parents advising to not let anyone hold or kiss your baby. It is a stressful time.

I've only ever seen this on here but I am convinced it's more about exerting control than a genuine concern for the baby's health.
They just want to show their relatives who's boss.
I just think it's sad.

Power and control.

My mum remembers the health visitor dropping cigarette ash on me!

The rules seem very extreme. Obviously wash hands and don’t cuddle a newborn if you are covered in dog hair. I’m not bothered about holding other people’s babies but I probably wouldn’t even visit if I felt my presence subject to a set of rules. I don’t think many people will bother and they might end up feeling a bit isolated

Are they planning on taking the baby out for walks in the baby buggy before the time relatives can visit? Are they planning on just staying in the house for weeks on end?

I think the kidz would call this 'main character syndrome'.

I wish I hadn’t let people basically play pass the parcel with my babies.

Though the childcare comments make me laugh. Not all of us want or need someone to take away baby constantly. I can probably use both hands to think of times we have asked for baby sitting over three children over 17 years.

I don’t also get the obsession with other people’s babies. They are just potatoes. Crying pooping potatoes. I have no want to kiss your baby, definitely don’t want to change its nappy and a 10 second hold is more than needed at all in fact I’ll just look and make nice comments thank you very much. I’ll bring you cakes and such though and ask how you are.

Now give me a toddler to engage with unless they are poorly behaved and that’s much better. Babies are boring.

I think it's this - I imagine relatives are really obstinate, unhygienic or both. Sometimes even if you tell people to wash their hands or to refrain from kissing the baby, they think they know best.

Whereas I am quite happy being in a room full of babies. I find them delightful.

Seeing as we’re sharing favourite memories: mine is after my second baby was born. It had been a terrible pregnancy, it had been touch and go at one point if the baby had died in utero at the start of the third trimester, and then would be born with an unknown degree of brain damage. Stressful for everyone. (Everything has turned out fine, thankfully)

My SIL has outrageous health anxiety for herself and everyone. Outrageous. For three months she kept it to herself, didn’t talk to me about her worries to anyone other than her mum (they wind each other up tbh 🙄). I had no idea how badly she had been affected by what had been going on with me until she came into the ward when baby was no more than an hour old. I heard her outside as she was washing her hands. I was jn he’d hooked up to drips and whatnot, baby was in his plastic box thing. She walked in, saw him all swaddled, and her knees gave way under her and she let out a sob and rushed to pick him up (I’m actually welling up now, and this was years ago!). All her worries and relief came flooding out the moment she set eyes on him. She looked at me, I gave a nod, and she scooped him up into the biggest hug, shaking and crying her poor heart out.

Fast forward to today and he’s her favourite of all her nieces and nephews (no kids of her own). They go to sports matches together, she takes him to the movies, she babysat when he was younger, they have their ow in jokes. It’s the best.

It’s not always all about the babies. Adults have their fragilities and needs, too, and that’s ok. Babies can bring such a joy to a family, they’re contributing members too. That’s what family is 🤷‍♀️

I dont want to hold babies, but who'd be bothered visiting🙄

How did you guess 🤣🤣