AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

Bet they accept gifts in manhandled wrapping paper.... All those germs...

And at least the parents aren’t pushing people to ‘ meet’ (I always eyeroll at that word in that context) the baby and they aren’t getting offended if someone doesn’t want to hold it.

There is a lot to be said for that 😬

Unless dad has paternity leave - she’s going to be very isolated when he returns to work

This is a bit of a leap.

Of course nobody owns another person. But parents are the primary care giver for a baby and developmentally babies feel safest when beside their mothers. They don't recognise themselves as seperate entities for many months. As the primary caregivers the parents are the ones primarily responsible for setting appropriate boundaries and safeguarding their baby. This is also driven by hormones and maternal instinct to protect which is why this role falls more to the mother than anyone else, even the father. So in respect of that piece of biology, yes their child their rules. If you had a child and I decided to treat them how I liked and said that's my decision to make since you don't 'own' them then how would that affect you as a parent? This is why laws uphold parental rights except in cases of abuse.

Their behaviour is not remotely abusive. And there's nothing whatsoever to suggest it will continue past a matter of weeks or hinder the child to the age of 18.

This is also not how seperation anxiety works.

Lol I wonder how they come up that crap that babies think they are still attached to their mother's

Batshit crazy and they’ll be on here in a few years moaning that none of their relatives bother with the little one!!

Probably a good thing if they are the type of people who shun a baby because they had to wait!

‘Shun’ a baby? WTF 😬

Exactly

How entitled. Feel sorry for a child, this will be an entitled brat in few years time.

Completely ridiculous.
Nothing else to say.

Isn't that what half the people on this thread are crowing about? Not getting their own way and seeing the baby so refusing to babysit and bother with the baby in future? Sounds like shunning someone to me.

As a mother of three (6,4&1) the only things better than me and my husband holding our babies for the first time was watching our parents hold them - all did within 24 hours and it was bloody magical. The visitors bringing pressies and making me cuppas was equally as great. No one kissed them, every one washed their hands and I asked my cousin not to come when she had cold (she came the following week).
Can't imagine with the third asking my mother to have the big two whilst I gave birth and not letting her back in the house for a month 🤣
What happens to these folks when they have a second child who brings in all of the nursery bugs 🫠

Absolutely right helpforsummer. My third got chicken pox at 2 weeks old as my older ones had it when he was born. Children are the ones with the worst illnesses , you don't see those on subsequent dc keeping their newborn away from their siblings. Life goes on, you can't wrap them in a bubble forever.

She will soon be bleating that nobody is interested in her and her PFB. Or will be moaning that 'she doesn't get a break'.
Reap what you sow and all that.

Don't worry, in a few weeks they'll be begging anyone who's willing to hold the baby for a few minutes and as for breastfeeding, the baby will make up its own mind.

Batshit. I have twins so couldn’t wait for visitors to come round and hold one of them 😂 OP I bet they are anti vaxxers as well.

I agree, the most precious photos I have from newborn days are my parents holding one twin each and my in laws doing the same. First grandchildren for both, boy and girl. The joy on their faces almost makes me weep when I see those photos. ❤️

It’s just typical first time mum nerves but they’ve read every horror story that has increased their fears beyond the norm.

In suspect that once the initial baby rose tinted glasses have slipped and they are tired with a baby who is teething or going through sleep regression, they will be cross that no one is helping them.

I had some weird ideas when my son was born. But they soon fizzled out when I realised the baby bubble had burst and I was exhausted and the baby wanted to be held all the times

Yet they are happy to visit and hold other people's babies when they are just days old - so one rule for their baby and another rule for all the others

My Mum babysat my first overnight at 2 weeks, I was exhausted and couldn't function, was only 21 and it was a shock getting no sleep. My Mum and daughter have a brilliant close relationship (she is 30 now) and I'm so glad I did things that way..

They aren't shunning the baby - they are fed up with the 100 rules they have to follow when they visit - so don't bother

I don’t want to hold other peoples babies either.

Id rather do your washing up tbh.

Xennial here (ridiculous name they’ve coined for Millennials that are almost Gen X). Had our first child last October and absolutely no visits for the first 6 weeks, at which point we said holding was fine but no kissing and no strong scents. Other than that, we’ve been the kind of parents that are letting her explore the world in her own time and we’re definitely letting her take her chances and develop a robust immune system!

However, I love that younger parents are setting strong boundaries - for all those saying ‘well, everyone I know was fine with kissing the baby at the hospital the day after’, that’s cool for you. But, if research clearly shows that it’s safer in those early weeks to limit outside contact, then the rules are saving some lives somewhere. And if it helps first time parents to feel a little more in control and less overwhelmed, then get off your high horses and let them have that.

It’s the Gina Ford book of parenting.