AIBU to end a friendship after last-minute changes to our trip?

[Porridgepudding]

Hi mumsnet, I have a dilemma, which I think calls for me to end a long standing friendship. Looking more to rant than anything else, as it's a miserable story.
Friend is someone I know through work, but we work for different companies. We had planned and paid for a day trip. I made all the arrangements. Friend was going to drive and I pre paid for parking in the city and tickets for a show. 2 hours drive away. We were due to leave this AM. Friend gets in touch at 5pm yesterday asking me to meet her at her partners at 4am.
I spoke to them at 5.30pm and refused, as this was not our agreement, and I was not prepared to drive to a new address in the middle of the night and leave my car there. Also I said they had only sent me a postcode which was dismissed (so effectively driving to a postcode with no house number) she said to look out for her car! Bear in mind again this would have been the middle of the night.
Friend reminded me they were having tests for cancer ( one of the reasons for the trip) and I was not being understanding. Friend also said if I did not want to leave my car I could meet her in the city, again I did not see why I should do this as I'd paid for her car parking but then to take my own (for which I'd also have to sort parking) I said I was still wanting to go, was ready, and looking forward but would not be driving to the partial address given or the city. Multiple messages between us ending with friend then saying it was getting too stressful and to 'just leave it'
Spoken to my sister, who is baffled how someone can drive 2 hours to another city but not 20 minutes to pick me up. Also is stumped why I would only be sent a postcode for the partner (who I have only met once)
Further context- I had sent the parking confirmation yesterday morning and friend responded with a thumbs up emoji. No other comments or messages until 5pm.
If I had been asked at that point in the morning to drive to her home I would have or taken a train into the city, I would 100% have been flexible. However so late on the day before left me no option for public transport, paying more for my own car parking or being bullied to do what friend was asking.
My view is they have gone to see their partner who had advised her to not bother picking me up, and instruct me to come to his address.
I'm feeling really disappointed, more that friend has come across in the call and message as I am being unreasonable when all I wanted/expected was to stick to the original agreement, or at least to have had reasonable notice of a change.
Background info- I have been told at a recent conference by someone else in our field that she left her last company because of complaints of bullying towards junior staff last year. This fits for me in that I know her current job has meant a pay drop for her. I'm putting this in to give a sense of others view of her. Again never affected me but I have seen that side of her this weekend.
Curious what others would do in this situation based purely on what's happened, and written here.
Thankyou for reading.

This all seems very one sided. Why are you paying £200 for this while she pays nothing and just lets you sit in her car with her for a journey that she has to make anyway to see the show?

She's been walking over you from the outset of this agreement.

I’m still not clear on where the cancer tests fit into the story. Could you clarify that please OP?

Very confused on the parking thing Why on earth wouldn't you? I happily park my car in a random road as close to station as I can if I'm using train. What are you imagining would happen

It’s about the same here, about 10 houses. But an address covers just one house which is why I generally just use that 😜

Mind if I ask what lesson you have learned?

Any chance your friend isn’t from the UK originally, OP?

I’m Irish and eircodes, which are our version of postcodes, direct you to a single house, not to a group of houses, so it seems the system works differently in different countries.

Until I read this thread I assumed postcodes worked the same way as eircodes, so I couldn’t understand why you were so insistent on getting a house number. An eircode is all you’d need where I am.

You're both being stubborn and difficult.

Do you think her boyfriend will steal your car?

Interesting, @Windfallwasps , I never knew that about Eircodes either!

I was half wondering whether he was planning on borrowing it for the day, but then I realised I’d been spending too much time on MN!

Have you got someone else who would like the tickets op?

Im really surprised at the vote. Your friend is unreasonable to expect to change plans last minute with a ‘my way or the highway way’ attitude.

Yabu. It's a car. 🙄 It's not like you were leaving your keys with her DP too.
You've made a massive mountain out of a molehill and ruined your trip.

Yes, it seems to he a different system which I never realised before. Here even if there are a number of apartments in a single building, each apartment is allocated its own unique eircode within that building, so it’s really specific.

It’s too late, it’s over now.

Do people drive to a random road leave their car there and go off for the day,

I don’t often have cause to, but I don’t think twice about it when I do. Why on earth would it matter? How is it different from driving to a road you’ve been to before, parking and leaving for the day? Or parking at a train station? Or even at a massive shopping centre car park and going shopping for the day? (except that train station and shopping centre car parks likely have higher car crime rates).

You both sound as odd as one another at this point.

I don’t understand the angst about leaving the car somewhere you don’t know and some of your comments are confusing.

If you’re minded to end the friendship - just do it, you say she’s let you down before and you’re obviously not happy with how she behaves.

You so often see these threads about flakey friends or friends who turn out to be weird and it’s so often ex work friends. There must be something about how people behave in and outside of work which drives this.

I travel around as part of my job and will leave my car in unfamiliar roads 90% of the time-I don’t really understand why that’s causing you so much of an issue?do you only leave your car in places you know really well?! You’d be leaving it in a suburban street, not in a war zone.

It's a shame you've had to miss it over picking her up. It sounds that she prioritised going over her boyfriend's house and just expected you to come there instead.
The postcode thing wouldn't bother me much because if I did drive out, I'd just call when I have arrived for her to come out or for further directions.
I think I've given my postcode before the full address so they have an idea where it is. I've also left my car outside a friend's boyfriend's house when we were going out. I don't see an issue with this part.
What I would do would depend on how far I would have to travel and if the pick up time changed. If she was supposed to drive, why couldn't she pick you up?
Of course this is all down to her for changing plans last minute but I'm just trying to work out if it would put me out much.

It was 20 mins away @Cherryicecreamx.

I'm chuckling at the outrage about the 4am, this did not faze me.

But you did reference not wanting to drive “in the middle of the night” so you do seem slightly fazed by it.

Lots of people dont understand about my reluctance to drive to bf house.

Yeah, because you didn’t explain clearly. Your first post I found confusing in a lot of parts.

Do people drive to a random road leave their car there and go off for the day, because I dont know anyone irl that does that.

Yes, many, many, many people. I really don’t know what your issue with this is. What do you think is going to happen? I go to a lot of new places with work and at least twice a week leave my car for the day in an unfamiliar location. Only last week I left my car at a friends house (first time I’ve been to her house) whilst she drove to of us to the countryside over an hour away for a summery day out. It’s very normal.

I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t leave your car there or why you wouldn’t just go on your own to the event.

Can’t see an issue. Sorry.

Do people drive to a random road leave their car there and go off for the day, because I dont know anyone irl that does that.

Yes, this is not a thing. How many times do you have to visit a road before you can safely leave your car there? So odd this is the issue which caused you to cancel a whole day out.

I still think there was a lost opportunity to find out why she wanted a change of plans. I know for my sister she went in for what the letter said was an extra breast cancer scan after her mammogram showed a dodgy area. The next thing she knew she was being MRI biopsied under sedation. She wasn’t allowed to drive home, her partner had to come and get her unless she was ok with a £80 taxi. They took 8 chunks of breast tissue from both her breasts, she was in a lot of pain and struggling with the bandages and bruising.

You just mentioned in passing that she reminded you of her cancer tests when she was asking for a change of plan. I think you should have asked what happened, are you ok? Instead of replying back about how inconvenient it all was and how you’d be too terrified to drive to a strange man’s home at 4am- leaving aside your friend knows him really well as he’s her partner so he is not exactly a stranger.

I know she has let you down before, but I think you were remiss in this particular conversation. You cannot know weeks in advance that a simple cancer scan at the hospital could snowball into a pretty painful surgical procedure.