AIBU to feel sad about ageing and becoming invisible?

[Madformaltesers]

Been out tonight for a family meal..I'm mum (single parent) out with three sons and spouses all in their thirties, i am in my fifties.
I am old, it’s evident, when I am out, i like a dance but I'm old and they were not playing any 80s music!
I've come home, realising I wont ever turn heads again, I've been there, done that and Im now invisible.
I will never be youthful again.
God I feel sad, I am successful, my children, grandchildren are amazing and my legacy but the absolute sadness that my life is marching on has really upset me.

@MyBraveFace This is me as well. Only attention I ever got was men making fun of how ugly I was. I even got assaulted once as a 'joke' in front of some hideous little bloke's mates. Thank you for articulating what I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the right words x

I do a lot of the time too. On the other hand, my GP sent me to A&E and being invisible there is not good. I was treated like a neurotic time-waster, even though a doctor had sent me there (with a letter).

I hear you !!!

I’ve recently lost a lot of weight, feel fab, and got my groove back with what I wear. Also make an effort with hair and make up …but it’s for me…so I feel good, so I can strut through town ‘thinking’ I look fabulous ,,,

but I’m 57!

I know no one is looking at me thinking anything other than I’m an old bird maybe trying a bit too hard….but I don’t give the proverbial…

I'm more confident and kick arse than I’ve been for years…..no man looks at me ‘that way’ anymore, and I thank god.

like you I’ve been harassed, leered up, touched, assaulted etc all my life, from being a girl…I know if any man dared that now, he’d lose his dignity pretty fast.

I think you are. I've just turned 60 and have had no problems with any of things. I do realise that my relationship with other generations is different now and make a bit more effort especially at work. Thinking about it, it's always been that way, it's just been flipped on it's head age wise.

Very true Che sounds trite but you just have to accept that’s a phase and it’s over.

It’s like those posts about women pining for the baby years of their children. All these life stages pass and the only certainty is we can’t go back! So we owe it ourselves to thrive in the new normal and adapt.

I actually love getting older. My career excelled at quite a young age and I became very senior really quite young and I got sick of being underestimated and not receiving the respect my seniority deserved. In my 40’s that vanished and it was lovely.

Yes, it’s a bit more effort to look good now but I seem to manage it. Thankfully I have enough money to spend on fantastic clothes, shoes, bags, hair and beauty.

I never feel invisible. I think it’s largely down to how you carry yourself.

Also, I don’t want to be a Debby Downer, but my good friend died following a long, drawn out battle with breast cancer not long ago and that definitely put everything into perspective for me. Aging is a privilege that she would have loved to experience.

I have tried to hang out with people older than me and it’s depressing
I have nothing in common with them

I have dropped friends when they started to get too old (some are 20 years younger than me)

If you have never realised that older women are at risk of becoming invisible, you have been guilty of ignoring them yourself in your youth I’m afraid.
When you we’re in your 30s, circa 2000, would you have wanted a venue to play music from 40 years ago?! 1960 all night? In the 80s would you have wanted Vera Lynn?!
You can still turn heads. Just be you. If you don’t like getting reactions from people, up your game. If you don’t like recognising contemporary music, listen to some and work out what you like.
Don’t be sad… be proactive! This is your cue to shake it up!

Totally agree with the sentiment… ageing is a privilege. However please don’t use that awful term. It’s on a par with ‘Karen’ and is just women being horrible about other women’s names.

My mum is in her 70s and she says the worst thing is when someone turns to look to your kids for validation when you’re explaining something easy/ small to them. She said the first time it happened she was like wtf? (She’d never say actually wtf😉). I’m in my 40s and it gets to me when people pay her head or say things like ‘at your age of course you’re entitled to a little cake’ etc). I dread the day my kids experience seeing this.

I am 73, you know who I am not invisible to: other older women - I tend to spend my time with them.

Nonsense, it’s just alliteration. Just like Sad Sam, Bad News Bob, Negative Nancy etc.

Not at all like Karen, which I also hate as that is specifically female and designed to keep assertive women in their box.

Gosh I thought you were going to say you were 100 or something! Really I dont class 50 as old or anywhere near that.A lady the other day doing a "wing walk" for charity .She did it on her 80th! You have a long time ahead of you god willing .Try and relax and not worry age is just a number .

@Fetchthevet I feel thankful for my 'invisibility cloak' each and every time I have to walk past a group of men in public. I am not saying all men were like that, but there was always that fear when I was young enough to be on their radar - it was as if they had to prove their masculine prowess by very publicly showing that I was well beneath whatever bar they had for finding someone attractive by insulting me, or, alternatively, I was a great way for them to take the piss out of a mate by joking that I was a suitable candidate for their attentions.

I used to deliberately dress in clothes that were as inconspicuous as possible - greys, navy, black, boring trousers and jumpers, in the hope of not being noticed - not that it made much difference but it felt much worse on the odd occasion I'd, heaven forbid, dressed up and dared to think I might look quite nice, and was then then shot down and humiliated by some bloke making barking dog noises at me or whatever.

Now I'm in my 50s, it's marvellous - I can wear whatever I want and no one notices me, but I feel great when I see myself in the mirror wearing emerald green or claret red in winter, or primrose and pink in summer, nice patterns and accessories, and I know I am safe because those idiot men don't even see me any more.

I too find it a relief and was shocked at the one time in a couple of years a Deliveroo bike driver wolf whistled at me 🤣 I was like, not this again.

I love it, I’m more confident than I have ever been in my life, no unwanted attention. I never feel left out of conversations either. I’m enjoying life more than ever now I’m over 60. Be kind to yourself.

It is understandable to feel like this as you get older but when I feel down about it I think that growing older should be appreciated and is something that is sadly denied to lots of people. I do understand what you mean though op.

I agree with this!! It might not be socially acceptable to admit it but when you've been young and beautiful you realise it's almost a super power. When I was younger I could literally get away with murder due to my looks. I got jobs instantly, people stopped me in the street to compliment me, any time I was in trouble I just smiled and boom I got out of it, I got served first at bars, restaurants and shops, if I was in trouble or had a problem I'd have people queuing up to assist me etc etc

I am not saying any of that is right or ok btw but when you have that kind of social power its a bit gutting to find its suddenly gone. Of course the downside of it when younger is you get sleazed over a lot which is gross so there are benefits getting older.

I am 50 now and still look pretty good - I do a lot of exercise and look after myself but I would be lying if I said I dont miss the power of being young and great looking.

I would be in trouble wardrobe wise if we couldn’t as at 64 I live in them with skater dresses, funky jackets and boots or sandals

Same. I see it with Dd2. In Italy a table was always found for our family at any restaurant however busy because we had a 17 year old 5 ft 9 supermodel type with us. She’s approached all the time when we are out and lives a different life to the three of us. Beauty confidence and youth are a potent mix.

But as we know it expires!

I often stop women of all ages at bus stops, cafes, even in the queue at Waitrose and smile and say things like ‘love your dress/jacket etc - ( when I do of course) never not had a nice response. I go to a really nice dance routine class ( lots of branches round here) it’s women of all ages and very social as well as good for fitness and we do routines to all sorts, Lizzo, Gwen stefani , Bollywood, Madonna - some of the best dancers are women pushing 70 - I think as someone else said be interested in others and look you are enjoying life and you won’t be invisible - you might be in a sexual way to men under 50 but that’s life and I for one am not bothered about that

I’m 65 next month and can’t honestly say that I feel invisible.

Why can you only dance to 80s music? Such a limiting belief is part if the problem surely

I’m in my sixties and am not stuck in the eighties when it comes to music. I try to stay open minded and aware of trends (even if I don’t adopt them)

I am not invisible. I still get random men shouting at me in the street trying to make conversation. It’s utterly pathetic and bloody annoying.

No, I am not exceptionally good looking or young looking I don’t think. Just men never fucking stop.

I can’t relate to the being overlooked in shops and bars either. I make eye contact and speak when it’s my turn.