AIBU to feel sad about ageing and becoming invisible?

[Madformaltesers]

Been out tonight for a family meal..I'm mum (single parent) out with three sons and spouses all in their thirties, i am in my fifties.
I am old, it’s evident, when I am out, i like a dance but I'm old and they were not playing any 80s music!
I've come home, realising I wont ever turn heads again, I've been there, done that and Im now invisible.
I will never be youthful again.
God I feel sad, I am successful, my children, grandchildren are amazing and my legacy but the absolute sadness that my life is marching on has really upset me.

That's not how it comes over to me.

The poster is all " I". As in* *I am old,

She is talking as though she is the only 50 year old woman that exists.

50 may have been considered old decades ago but we have moved on from.that. Or at least we had until this social.media driven obsession with youth being the only thing that matters in a woman.

How true that is. A stunningly beautiful girl from my school died at 47. I am very thankful for being an invisible 67 year woman who has enjoyed living the past 20 years she never got.

I have always had friends of all ages, probably because I was homeschooled as a child and wasn't socialised the traditional way.
As a result one of my closest freinds is 59 and I also have a close group of friends in their late 20s/ early 30s.
I was 29 when I went to university and I was 11 years older than most in my class. Well most ranged from 18-22 with few older ones.
Funnily enough I'm actually at their stage in life now, as even though I'm 39 and I had my first child at 22, I had my 2nd at 36 and now my 3rd recently at 39.
Anyway, I can have conversations with both younger people and older people very easily and let me say I have always preferred the conversations of people older than me.
Much more interesting, and nowadays I prefer a quieter pace of life.
All this to say, I don't consider 50s old nor do I consider 70s old, what does old even mean?
My father's a fantastic conversationalist, and he's 76 with lots of energy and he's involved in the community.
Lately he says, I think old age must just creep up on you, because I still think I'm young but sometimes my knees remind me I'm getting older 🤣
Just maintain your health, physical and mental and you'll be fine.

Happens to us all, even supermodels!

Paulina Porizkova: the supermodel who dared to look her age

I have never been good looking so it’s not something I have experienced. The only reason you miss it is that you had it in the first place. You say you are successful - surely that’s far more important?

I’m 59 and since about 42 I’ve been relieved I don’t turn heads. BUT I’m not single and would I feel differently if I was? I actually love the freedom from all that shit that ageing gives me. I’ve embraced silver hair and actually when I pair it with red lipstick I think it looks amazing. I don’t need some 50 year old bloke who probably would only date 25 year olds to give me that approval.

I know exactly what you mean. And it’s ok to grieve a bit for what is lost. You won’t feel like this forever. It’ll pass. But losing our youth and facing the fact that there are more years behind us than are ahead of us can be a bit painful. It’s a fact of life. X

No idea if i have ever 'turned heads' or not but I dont feel any different over 50 than I did 30 years ago I dont feel any more or less visible hardley ever have a period but none of it stops me feeling me

I suspect your feelings are sharpened tonight because you've spent time with couples in the thick of busy family and working life, and seemingly at the centre of everything. From the outside it looks like so much fun but in fact when you're in it, it is pretty exhausting, juggling kids, work, home.
Make sure you do plenty of socialising with people your own age who do the things you enjoy. Wear clothes that make you sing and you'll look and feel more confident. And remember that ageing brings wisdom and experience.

I second all the comments about the alternative being worse- so many friends are poorly or no longer with us.
Also second the ‘glow up’ suggestions!
I was an alternative dresser in my teens and twenties, courted attention but not conventionally pretty. Loved my 30s and still felt stylish. Single Mum to 2 in my 40s, no support, skint, put on weight and wanted to be as invisible as possible.
In my 50s now and I’ve lost lots of weight, grown out the dark hair dye, had a great cut and brightened up my nearly white hair, wear lashes and do my nails. I’ve found skincare I love, had my eyebrows microbladed and bought clothes I like rather than ones that fit!
I’ve never felt more confident and visible! I’ve got wrinkles, loose skin, saggy boobs and stretch marks but ironically have never felt better. I get loads of attention but not just from men (thank God, I’m not arsed about that kind of attention) but people chat to me more and smile at me. It’s not my appearance that’s changed the most it’s my attitude; I feel positive and actually smile at people. I chat to everyone in the park as the dogs run round and I always get drawn into a conversation mid shop. I just feel happier and that radiates out. Not all the time, I can still be a mardy cow and I do feel sad about being an empty nester very soon but life ebbs and flows and I’m just happy not to be grabbing the lifeboat and hanging on for dear life, living in trauma and worry like I was for years.
Maybe take a trip somewhere no one knows you, get the red lippy on and see what happens.
I bet you are visible and important to lots of people 💐

This really resonated with me and I completely agree
I am 63 and have had several health scares and am still here to tell the tale-which puts things into perspective like nothing else can. I can say that as you get older what you wish for (and are grateful for) definitely changes. Having got past menopause I realised that you can and have to reinvent yourself (and there is no limit to the number of times you can do this)
I love being invisible-it brings a great freedom with it. It’s a bit like the feeling of being on holiday and wearing exactly what you want but all the time! you feel a freedom to do more of what you want to and less of what you feel you have to
I would say look after yourself - your body and your mind, think about what you eat, wear what gives you pleasure and take time to rest and reset if you need to. It’s a new stage in life- relish it.

Invisibility comes from your attitude not your appearance. Self confidence is never invisible.

You have to start going to places where people are older than you! You will get the attention of older men there. I was invisible until I started Crown Green Bowling, and now I get the attention of men! You will then realise men don't change, and will embrace being invisible once again!

Im in my 60's and Im not invisible

I think that at the start of menopause I probably felt I was , but looking back I think that was a lot of just me, the general lack of confidence and rise of anxiety that came about at that time. Now Im through the other side I have my confidence back and engaging with people again .

And 50's isnt old, its older

As for dancing, I can be the first up and the last off the dance floor no matter what the music is - and there's always Radio 2 at home , work and in the car :)

This has happened to me in my 30s but I am not fussed

OP, I totally get it.it took me a LONG time to deal with it, but then I found dancing and it's given me my confidence back in so many ways. Sometimes it's not how old you think you appear, it's the energy you give out. Because I've found something I can do after work and that I genuinely LOVE, it makes all the difference and my confidence and smile is noticeable..THAT makes a difference.I always remind myself I wouldn't want to be in my 20s now, young women I know get Botox, have facial balancing, go the gym every day ..I mean wtf?!? We're lucky, and being in your 50s is better than being deaf. Lol.

FFS better than not being alive!!! Not deaf !!??😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 8

This 100%. You've earned the maturity, the wisdom, the knowledge and the confidence that getting older brings so wear it like a badge of honour. There are so many that don't get that privilege. Try to embrace it.

I get it. It’s not a constant feeling for me, thank God, but occasionally I will just realise that to other people, at 60, I am old.
At the pub yesterday I had to pull myself back from talking to a couple of young women as if they were my peers. To me they are, because inside I am 25 myself, but they obviously don’t see me as such.
I think it’s the realisation of how other people see me which is so at odds of how I see myself.

Exactly this!
My 56 year old friend is most definitely not invisible....and if you can't see her you will bloody well hear her coming. She has unshakable confidence that everyone wants to be in her company and mostly they do! She is outgoing and fun to be around. It isn't a 'looks' thing....she is bigger (like me before anyone jumps on me) with an average face so certainly no super model.
It is like the threads from women that feel invisible when they put weight on, I never understand them as a large woman (also having been less large) because I am treated no differently. Big or smaller I am me and I have confidence that I am a person people enjoy being around. I believe the invisible larger women lose confidence with every pound and that is what society reacts to, not the size of their arse!
You are only as invisible as you allow yourself to become.

Without blowing smoke, I was a head turner. It made me a target for creepy men and a target for insecure women. Being cat called, groped. Women being spiteful . I get none of that shit now that I’m older.I still dress well, my hair and nails are always done but I love being “ invisible” to the attention and often misery that my looks brought me.

I’ve always been below average looks-wise, so I’ve always been fairly invisible. People I’ve met don’t remember me when we meet again, I don’t get served quickly in bars, men never have never found me attractive, etc. I genuinely feel that although it was sad in my teens and 20s, it’s been a gift in the long term because aging hasn’t been as hard for me. The drop off has been kinder.

Yes, exactly, this has been my experience too.

Mentoring at work can be a good way to feel more visible. It's nice imparting a bit of wisdom! Being an expert in the room at work also goes a long way. When you're invited to speak about your 30+ years of knowledge it's nice to show the gen zs they don't know it all just yet!

I said something similar in my 40s. The realist next to me said it's better than the alternative. I'm really old now and there's benefits. Just pleased to be here.