DH did nothing for my 50th

[Apple04]

Just back from my birthday weekend and just realised how sad I am yet another happy occasion has been ruined. DH moaning constantly and did absolutely nothing for me. My sister organised cake, balloon, flowers, presents. All I got from DH was a card. He’s claiming he was too busy to get anything sorted. My parents (80s) seemed very annoyed with him too. He’s from a family of moaning, miserable people but he knows I love spending time with my family who are the opposite (happy, fun). It’s made me really sad and questioning our future. He’s generally miserable at home too, moaning all the time. I’m working up to telling him if he doesn’t change I’m going to leave. It’s also his 50th soon, is it childish to do absolutely nothing in return?

Make this the year you evaluate and move on

I agree - time for him to go. He'll just get more miserable - there's no such thing as a miserable middle-aged man who miraculously cheers up.

Of course you shouldn't do anything for his birthday. He showed you how to treat a spouse when it was your birthday. Now it's time for you to give back what you got - nothing.

Bite your bloody tongue op. Don't you dare make any suggestions for his damn birthday.. Treat him the same back. It really isn't tit for tat imo.

A birthday present to yourself could be a divorce.

Not childish op. Match his energy. Long term consider your option. Life is too short to be sad

God, tell him to get to fuck. Life is too short to live with miserable wanker.

You don’t have to live this miserable life. 💐

Of course it's not childish! What's he done to you to make you think that? He's shown his lack of thought and care you would me a mug!

He is showing you he doesn’t care about you.
He should want to make a fuss of every birthday and more so a special one.

Yeah do you really want another 30 years or so of this?

@Apple04 I would do the opposite - put in the effort for his birthday and show him what he should have done for you (make sure it’s something you’d also enjoy). If he isn’t able to reflect on his behaviour then you can leave with your head held high and without looking back.

It’s not retaliation, just match his energy

crap card, moan about the weather, moan about whatever - job done 👍🏻

OP, ask him what he wants you to do for his birthday. If the answer’s anything other than “Oh, nothing”, then ask why he didn’t bother for your 50th. And even if he isn’t bothered, doesn’t he know that you are? My DH is not great at presents, but if I said I wanted something, or wanted to do something, he’d be happy to make it happen. I think you really need to talk to your DH, and tell him that you feel really let down, and ask him what he proposes to do to make amends. But you do have to communicate, and if he isn’t good at presents, then you need to drop hints (or send him links to things you would like). Also, what does he moan about, or has he in fact just got into the habit of moaning about things? You really need to talk to him, and let him know that you are feeling very let down and neglected, and that he’s making it unpleasant to be with him at the moment.

Idle sod. So busy doing what that he can't get his wife a decent present and arrange a nice meal.

For his birthday take yourself off for some papering, holiday with your friends, family experience. LEAVE HIM ON HIS OWN, NO GOOD WISHES, FOOD, PRESENTS OR CARD, AT HOME.

I think 50 is a time for reevaluation of what makes you happy, what works, who you want to spend time with. YANBU, that was awful of him.

Make this the year you stop tolerating this. good luck.

Do not do a thing for his birthday. Match his level.

Get him a card.

Get yourself an appointment with a solicitor. Life is too short!

No birthday party for him unless his family do it. But some people really don't get the birthday celebration thing. Is it just this or is he always miserable.

The only thing you should do for his 50th is arrange your departure. You may have another 35 years on this earth… do you really want to spend them with this man?

I’ve just had my 50th, DH did nothing (he happily went along with what my best friend organised). His 50th is later this year, I’ll do nothing. This is fine. I’m entirely happy with this. He’s entirely happy with this. He is an extremely caring, considerate, loving man in pretty much every other area of life and makes me very happy.

Being upset is entirely reasonable, but this isn’t about your 50th, it’s just a symptom of wider unhappiness.

I hope you can find a way forward, whatever that may be, that makes you happy.

In a way this is his gift. 50 isn't old ...you have time to think "yep I don't want this emotional drain on my life".

Not getting you a celebratory gift is rubbish

Happy 50th 💐💐💐

Did your family not shame him for not doing anything for your birthday? I so hope you didn't cover for him...

If he's not bothered about doing something that, in the scheme of things is fairly minor but would make you happy, then I would expect that this is not the only thing he does that disregards your feelings.

I’m glad you’ve got a lovely sister, happy birthday from me too!

He’s obviously been a miserable joy sucker for ages, this showed you he won’t even make a tiny bit of effort for your special day. Get yourself a divorce. Really do it. Imagine how wonderful your 51st will be! Just fun, happiness, feeling at peace and hopeful. Do it.

Why do we believe we must treat men like children that we must model behaviour for?