DH did nothing for my 50th

[Apple04]

Just back from my birthday weekend and just realised how sad I am yet another happy occasion has been ruined. DH moaning constantly and did absolutely nothing for me. My sister organised cake, balloon, flowers, presents. All I got from DH was a card. He’s claiming he was too busy to get anything sorted. My parents (80s) seemed very annoyed with him too. He’s from a family of moaning, miserable people but he knows I love spending time with my family who are the opposite (happy, fun). It’s made me really sad and questioning our future. He’s generally miserable at home too, moaning all the time. I’m working up to telling him if he doesn’t change I’m going to leave. It’s also his 50th soon, is it childish to do absolutely nothing in return?

My husband did the same, its his 70th in a couple of weeks he'll get a card.

What a way to live

Give him a divorce petition for his 50th.

Aah , presumably you have the funds and wherewithal to fuck off,I don't but hey ho ,yeah it's a bit shit for some folk.

Absolutely do not bother with his 50th, he wouldn't appreciate it anyway by the sounds of things. He'd find something to complain about.
Hitting 50 is a classic time to evaluate your life. Yes, some of your best years are behind you but you still have a lot of life to live. Do you really want to be stuck with your partner for another 30 or so years? Sounds like you'd be happy to be free to do what you want, when you want. If it's not financially possible now, start making an exit plan.

This is his personality. He won’t change. You know this. Don’t waste more time on him. End the marriage.

Don’t do anything for his birthday. Not for revenge but just because the relationship is over.

@Ohjailer and go where?I am dependent on n my husband, the benef

Please don't life with such a miserable man a day longer than you already have, life really is too short.

Divorce papers in a gift bag for his birthday?

Do not lift a finger for that man's 50th!

A card will do.

Let him see how it feels.

You are 50 not 5.Who cares about adult birthdays. It all sounds a bit pathetic to be honest.

I dumped a boyfriend just after my 40th. I had asked him to organise few friends for a meal, but it turned out he didn't bother, because he wasn't bothered about celebrating his birthday. If he had told me this earlier, I could have sorted things out, but until the day, he had been behaving like it was all on hand.

It made me realise that what I wanted and what might be important to me was never going to count for anything. (My sister didn't sort anything out, either, because she barely speaks to me anyway.)

I spent my 50th on my own in Paris, which I sorted out entirely by myself.

It's about people showing they care about you.

I agree

I don't even know you and feel annoyed at the thought of you giving him anything more than a card for his 50th! He sounds awful.

Op this happened to me

You are still young enough to ditch this life and start anew - do u want this until u are 60
Do nothing for his birthday he probably expects you to roll out the red carpet for him as you are beneath him
What a mean horrible man doing nothing for you, on such an occasion. If you love someone you would absolutely want to
Prob thinks your his substitute mother

They don’t get any happier unfortunately ..

Fuck that for a game of soldiers

Divorce petition neatly folded inside an unsigned birthday card is all he deserves

My DH didn't get anything for my 40th, I made it very clear how upset I was so when my 50th rolled around I was sure he wouldn't do it again but he did! I was so upset and angry I genuinely thought I would leave him. I'm still here but I don't think I will ever get over it, I just felt so uncared for.

I just can’t get my head around this. You hav one life and you are choosing to spend it with someone who doesn’t apparently give a fig for you, and really - you don’t for them

Consider yourself as the best option. Living for yourself, by yourself. Not wasting further decades propping up some thoughtless loser who doesn't value you.

We don't get to repeat our tiny little lives. And there's never been a better time in human history for women to prioritise themselves.

That is such a powerful energising thing, you can be the opposite of stuck. We have so much power if we just take charge of our lives, and refuse to continue sweeping this paltry boring crap from desperately mediocre men under the rug, year after futile year.

Choose you. Live for yourself.

How does he treat you when it’s not your birthday eg does he do kind things ever?

I hate the tit for tat thing but in this instance I’d do it . Ignoring your birthday never mind a big one is unforgivable. Tbh I think it’s time to reevaluate the whole marriage . Surely you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a miserable man , imagine when you’re retired and he’s with you a lot longer .

There’s always one! 😬

Op is rightfully upset about her dh’s lack of effort on her behalf and his constant negative attitude. Him doing nothing on her fiftieth birthday has brought this situation to a head.

Even if you don’t care about birthdays normally, fifty is a big milestone for most people. And anyway, op does care, which is the entire point of the thread. And she is allowed to care about it dammit! We don’t all want to fade in to the woodwork as we become older! Becoming fifty is worth celebrating!